Living Nightmare

June 4, 2012
“If you yell or say something you will be really sorry,” I here that voice say in my ear every night. I try yelling and I can here myself but he can’t. It’s like I don’t have any voice and I can’t do anything because he is bigger than me. When I wake up tell myself, “it was just a nightmare, but I can’t help it that voice is still in my ear. This time its saying hurry up or you will be late for school “honey”.”

8:13 a.m. and I am trying desperately to get ready for school. I want to get in the shower but I am scared that he will go in there and bring the nightmare back to life once more. “I don’t know what to do,” I say to myself as I lock myself in my bedroom alone. As I walk myself into the shower someone is knocking on my door. Tears are running down my cheeks like rain drops. In a load wavy voice I answer “WHO I S THISSS.” As I stand by the door pulling my towel tighter and tighter wishing it wasn’t him I here her voice. It is relieving to realize it was my mom, “MY ANGEL.” Quietly and slowly I open the door and there she is asking now, “Are you ready?” “You only have 20 minutes before the bus gets here. “Ok,” I responded to her as the door closed shut and locked behind me. It was getting a little cold in the bathroom so as quick as I could I jumped into the tub.

In 10 minutes I was done and slipping into my jeans and a navy blue t shirt that I love. I grab all my things for school and head downstairs where my mother and younger sister are waiting for me to eat breakfast. With only less than 10 minutes to eat something I didn’t notice when my mom had left and left me alone there again. I felt very uncomfortable and scared when I turned around to see him. His hand was going to over my mouth so that I couldn’t make a sound and started to touch me again. I tried pushing him off but he was way stronger and wouldn’t let me move. He held me on very tightly and had complete control over me. Closing my eyes and hoping my mother will walk in and see what he has been covering with just one finger. In my ear I can here him again and I just want to get that knife and say bye to him. But I can’t. Something is stopping me from grabbing it.

I pulled my self away and wanted to run to my mother’s arms and tell her what has been happening for the last three years. Something is stopping me. His words repeating themselves over and over again. “Don’t say or yell anything or you will be sorry.” So I keep it to myself. It is time for me to leave so I get onto the after waiting for what seemed 10 minutes. At school the days always go by so fast and I never want it the day to end. But everyday goes bye faster and faster. 3 days have gone bye and know it has been going on for 3 years and 3 days. “I can’t stand it any more.”
This morning I left my room until the bus was right at the corner so that I could avoid bumping into him. I was tired and wanted it to stop. “But how?” On the ride to school I was just thinking about how to stop him. “Should I tell an adult at school or tell mom.” “I don’t know, I’m scared.” I know I shouldn’t think of this even though he does this he is still my dad. But this time I can’t stop my thinking. There is nothing I can do, just think how to do it. “A KNIFEE.”
School is going bye so slowly and that knife is the only thing on my mind. “I need to stop him. I want this to end. I can’t take it any longer.” In class the teacher called on me to share my thinking, but my answer was “PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP!” Immediately my teacher sends me to the counselor’s office because she was worried about me and especially what I blared out. As I walked down the halls I was thinking whether I should tell her so she helps me or just tell her I fell asleep and was having a night mare.
There she was just waiting for me on her desk and ready to start interrogating me. As she talked and asked me questions his words were again in my ear. This time they were stinging and getting louder each time a word came out of her mouth. “STOP PLEASE.” I yelled again. This time the bell also rang and I left as quickly as possible. 1, 2, 3 steps more and I am on the bus. While the bus got closer to my house I got more determined to do how I planned when he touched me again.
Off the bus I went and into my house. Nobody was home until later and so I had more time to think. When it was 9:49 P.M I ran into the kitchen and grabbed it. Running back into my room and putting it under my pillow made me feel a lot better. “No more I repeated to myself.” 10:00 P.M and he was there on time like always not 1 second behind or 1 second ahead. Once again he is there forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do until I decided to reach underneath my pillow. The blade was very sharp and poked my hand a little. It was know in my hands and ready to push against his chest. “This is over I yelled to him and pulled it out in front of him.” It all happened so quick that I felt bad. Mom didn’t find out until the sirens were loudly outside on our drive way. “I called them and confessed.” With the knife in my hands I stood there and cried. That was the last time I saw her, “my angel, my mother.”

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