To Run Away

May 20, 2008
By Cassandra Gee, Caney, KS

Sometimes to run away…you just have to forget everything.
To run away… you have to forget your problems…
To run away…you have to not care…
To run away…you have to say good bye, to him.

It all started at the party. Michelle’s party. The popular cheerleader that every girl wants to be. The one who walks around her parties permanently attached to the hottest guy there. Skimpy bikini and the fluorescent pink fake nails.
You know that girl.
I on the other hand, I'm the girl, that no one notices. The girl with the unruly and curly hair, the too bright green eyes, where everyone thinks you’re a freak. Truth be told, I am a freak. I am the girl; that no one will hang around with…most people don’t have the balls to do so, But not Anna, not her. She took one look at my dark hair in the 8th grade, and instantly…she knew that we would be best friends.
To look at Anna, and to look at me…people usually double take. Anna, a bleach blonde with a killer body, and perfectly shaped eyebrows, Skin untouched, and acne blemishes no where to be seen. Her looks were copied though, by the thousands of hxc girls and boys out there. Multi-colored eyeshadows and the thick bold black smudged look of eyeliner.
That was Anna.
Me on the other hand…I was nothing compared to Anna.
We first met when I went to the skate park with my older sister, she wanted to check out the hot boys…and I wanted to take on a few ramps, and learn a new trick from the local skateboarders. The ones that my sister was usually hitting on.
Boys didn’t hit on me. Boys never hit on me. I was a skinny girl, with little boobs and a big nose. There was nothing pretty about me. They knew of me as Laura’s little sister. The quiet girl, the shy girl, the talented girl, the 13 year old girl.
That was three years ago. It was that fateful day, that I met Anna. Her brother was one of the many skateboarders that my sister has taken a liking too. He had brought her to the park that day to. We instantly hit it off.
We had been inseparable for more than 3 years. And it all changed.
It all started with that guy.
That seventeen year old guy.
The guy that didn’t go to any school, because he had already got his GED and his license, worked part time, and still lived a comfortable life.
The boy with the brown locks to his shoulders, always with a bandanna carefully wrapped around his head. Acne blemishes there, but easily ignored.
The big brown eyes that could cut into your soul, Molten Lava.

When I first noticed him, it was at the party. I had seen him from a distance, and instantly I was attracted to him. His body, long and lanky. I smiled to myself as I turned to look around for Anna. When I finally found her, my smile diminished. She was already talking to him, twirling her hair between her forefinger and thumb. Smiling, and giggling, pushing him, flirting with him.
My gaze didn’t go unnoticed, he could feel me looking at him, and he turned his chocolate eyes to me. And instantly we met.
First time.
I tore my eyes away from him, and walked away. My thin body maneuvering around the bulky bodies of athletes. I had to get away. His gaze burned my body.
I swept my fingers through my bangs, brushing them away.
I made my way to the top floor bathroom. Side stepping all of the drunken couples eating each others faces.
The sites were always grotesque.
I reached the bathroom, and looked in the mirror.
The face staring back…was so unfamiliar and lonely. I blinked, and ran my finger along the bottom of my eye, and wiped away smudged blackness.
My eye shadow was jacked, and my eyeliner was smearing to the point where I looked like I hadn’t had sleep in days. Perhaps weeks.
I took in my features, and I stared into the mirror.
No wonder, that guy didn’t look at me, until I stared at him. I was nothing to look at. Unlike Anna who was simply super model gorgeous.
I shook my head, and headed out of the bathroom, and made my way back down stairs, only to be met up with Anna’s crystal blue gaze, only made possible by the intense sapphire acuve contacts that she insisted on getting.
I waved my hello, and she smiled brightly in reply.
She giggled and I knew right then, that she had sealed the deal. Her and the brown eyed boy were “together”.
“Emilie!” She squeaked as she skipped up to me and grabbed my arm and squeezed “I want you to meet someone!”
I smiled and let her drag me toward the boy that I knew she was talking about.
“Anna...” I whispered. Causing her to slow her pace and look at me, her eyes filled with worry.
“Its, 10:30.” My gaze shifted from her to the guy watching us.
“Oh.” Her voice staggered “Well, let me go tell him good bye and ill take you home”
I only nodded in reply. As she walked with less skip back over to him.
She said some things, his facial expression never changing. She reached up to kiss him, but he turned away. Her smile faded as she said something else and walked back over to me, and we left.
And I thought that was the last time I would have ever saw him.

Colors flew around me. The thrill of it all engulfed me, wind blowing through my clothes and hair.
I ollied and landed just as people arrived at the park.
My body was already drenched in sweat…For it being only nine in the morning the temperature was hot. Or at least to me it was.
My ipod ear phones, blasting out music, as I skated up to a bowl ready to drop in. I hadn’t skated at the skate park in what seemed like decades. The last time I had actually went there, was back when Anna had to still go with her brother. But since high school. The homework and the parties there was never time to go skating.
But since it was a Saturday and since, I had woken up earlier than usual. I decided to go skating instead. I found myself surprising myself as I landed all of the tricks I tried to belt out.
I smiled to myself as I pulled my hair up into a tail. And rolled over to where my bag was sitting. I reached into it and pulled out my water and gulped it down as I sat on my skateboard. My vans sticking out like a bright sore thumb. I smiled to myself as one of my favorite songs started to play.
I softly sang along as skaters started to pile into the skate park. It still being pretty early. It was surprising how many people were arriving.
My eyes slowly scanned each and every one of them. Faces familiar, and some not.
I straightened as I saw him.
Skating in with a large group of skaters.
His bandanna had never been more noticeable.
I threw my water back in my bag. As I stood up and flipped my board up so I could carry it.
I grabbed the strap of my bag and swung it over my shoulder, while grabbing my hoodie that I had discarded, in a mid-air trick.
It had been a rushing morning. Full of nothing but the whipping of the wind against your face. I was hooked all over again. I dropped my board and pushed off, and lazily skated toward the exit.
My car was waiting, but the only way to get out of the park was to pass him. And all of his friends.
I looked down as I skated, my necklace dangled and clanked against the many other pieces of jewelry that I always wore.
My usual earrings I hadn’t bothered to put in. I just left all the studs in.
The chain that I hooked to the loop of my belt softly hit my leg as the asphalt started to make the board vibrate beneath me.
I pushed off again, going faster as I skated past the large group.
Right then I looked up, and right then I met his eyes all over again. I smiled, forgetting to hold back as I pushed off again and went on straight to my car.

I unlocked the doors as I kicked up my skateboard. I pulled open the back door and threw in my board and bag. My hoodie floating in right beside them. I swept my bangs out of my face once again as I walked around to the car door, and right as I started the car, I realized…I had forgot my hat.
The lucky hat.
The only hat that I ever wore.
I scrambled out of the car, and took off running toward where I left it. The skaters had migrated already over close by it. My skin tightened around my muscles as I neared where my hat was.
I slowed down, and my eyes widened as I realized that it wasn’t there. I stared at the spot that I knew I left it, and then the rowdiness of the boys caught my attention. I glanced their way, and saw that the brown eyed boy was watching me closely. A girl by his side, whispering to him and giggling. Her bright hair could catch anyone’s attention. And her hyper ness could annoy anyone. I found myself rolling my eyes, as I scanned the surroundings again. I walked over to the bowl that I had dropped into, smiled and jumped. Causing the group of skaters to turn their attention to me. I laughed as I slid down the cement burning through my jeans as I slowed to the bottom. I grabbed my hat and backed up a little and ran my speed against the wall and grabbed a hold of the edge. I hoisted myself up out of the bowl and stood up. I smiled to myself as I dusted off my pants and tank top. And then proceeded to walk toward my running car. I heard the girl behind me, yapping too loudly. I rolled my eyes once again and turned around to look once again and he was still staring. I smiled and took off once again toward my car.
Laughing once I sat down in the air conditioned car.

“Emilie! What the hell are you doing?!” Anna screeched when she walked into my room.
I froze in place as I turned around. I grinned down at her, as she took in my room. It had been a week since I saw him at the skate park. My mind continuously wandered off towards that day, and towards that night at the party.
“I'm painting…what does it look like?”
I turned my attention back toward the roller in my hand. Bright paint dripping off of it, onto the news papered wooden floor.
“But oh my god…Emilie, you changed your whole room.” She entered my room more, careful not to bump into anything. “I can’t believe…what happened to your vanity?!”
I turned my head to look back down at her, and laughed her face was priceless. My room had been light lavender, with girlie things caking the whole room in the feminine thing that my mom was all too much into. Roses, butterflies, dragonflies had been painted all over my walls. The old off white vanity had been covered with all different kinds of make up that I had never used, and that my mom had bought for me.
I stood on the ladder as I calmly painted a thin line against the crease between my ceiling and wall. It was already 2 in the afternoon. I had spent all morning out at the skate park, and I had just got home, and started to attack my room. Graffiting the vanity and my armoire. My walls were mixes of bright and dark colors clashing into together.
I grinned as I heard Anna take in my room.
“Emilie…what on earth are you thinking? Your make up isn’t even here anymore, it’s replaced by…I don’t even know what this stuff is.”
“Calm down Ann.” I said as I dipped the brush in the thick paint again.
“Calm?! I am calm! Don’t I seem calm?!”
“Um no.” I laughed “No you don’t”
She walked over to my full sized bed that I had moved to the middle of the room. Only half a wall to go and I would be done with it.
I heard her sigh as I grabbed a hold of the roller and started to spread bright pink across the once lavender wall. The fluorescent color almost made my eyes burn, but the idea for my room was too amazing. I picked up the green brush and threw the paint at my wall. It left green splatters against the pink to where the texture would dry like that.
“Why are you doing all this?”
I heard her mumble behind me.
“Because…I need a change”
“Change?” She questioned
“Do you think that someone can come over and hang out with us, or well me as you finish your room?”
“Sure” I replied going back to concentrating on what was going to be the bright purple.

Ten minutes later, Anna had just gotten off the phone and I was making the finishing splatters against my wall. I smiled at my work, as I walked over to a window to let the fumes diminish.
“Who’s coming over?” I turned to face her
“Oh Jeremy.” She said playing with her nails
“The guy who I'm like in love with”
“Ah” I mumbled as I walked across the room and into my closet.
I reappeared with a stack of broken skateboards, or skateboards that I had loved too much. I dropped them down on the floor and started to climb back up the latter.
“What are you doing now?” Anna Huffed as I pulled out a hammer.
“I'm nailing a nail into a wall…what does it look like?”
“Never mind” She rolled her eyes, and walked out of my room, just as the doorbell rang.
I smiled to myself as I finished placing all of the nails, and climbed down and grabbed numerous decks and put them up on the wall. I was going to make a mural of skateboards.
“Em!” Anna screamed
“Yeah” I called back
“Come down here!”
“In a minute!” I called again as I placed another deck on the wall, trying to align it just right.
I heard thumping on the stairs as Anna and her friend started up the stairs. I knew that I was taking too long and that she was getting impatient
“C’mon, were gonna go to the mall… I need new clothes!” She Whined.
I could hear the guy groan behind her, as I reached for another deck to place.
“Dear god Em! Could you stop?”
“Stop what?”
“The whole skateboard thing!”
“What?” I stopped what I was doing and whipped my head to look down at her; I instantly froze when I saw him, laying on my bed, eyes wide staring right back up at me.
“You are taking this whole skateboarding thing way to seriously!”
“And how am I doing that?” I asked as I climbed down from the ladder, and made my way towards my closet. My annoyance with her was starting to grow. She was only ever this annoying whenever a guy she liked was around. I stopped in mid walk, and hit my head against my palm. Stupid, stupid girl.
I could hear Anna, complaining in the room, where she thought I couldn’t hear because I was lost in the deep jungle of a closet.
If she was acting like this, then that must mean that the boy was completely off limits.
I sighed as I turned on my heel and headed back out to my room, only to see the boy and Anna making out.
“So this is what I do when I leave you alone.” I joked as I picked up more decks and climbed back up.
They had pulled apart or well, more he had pulled apart. Anna looked confused as he pushed her off of his thin body. I reached up to the top of the wall where I was supposed to place a skateboard, as the ladder started to move.
“Oh shit.” I squeaked
But suddenly it went steady; I looked down and saw that he was holding the ladder for me.
“Thanks” I smiled
“No problem” He grinned back
I turned my attention back to the wall and finished putting the skateboards up.
It took me another twenty minutes to finally finish all of the work on the south wall. The skateboards helped frame the large bay window that was in my room. The view was killer as I climbed down I smiled, the grass was green, along with the many trees that graced the lands.
I left the ladder where it was at as I walked out of the room, Jeremy and Anna following closely behind. Anna talking about the mall and Jeremy saying nothing.
I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge and got out bottled water. Taking a swig of it, Anna exploded
“Dammit! Emilie, were going!”
I sent her a questioning look as she grabbed his hand and pulled him away and out the door and off to the mall.
I stood there for a moment, cocking my head to the side and laughed walking back up to my room.

The next morning, I woke up to the sun peaking in through my window blinds. I blinked then moved my hand to wipe away the crusted eyeliner that had dried on my eyes. Yawing I sat up and stretched, then completely standing and walking over to my closet to get lost in the jungle to find clothes.
I emerged, in ripped pants with a studded belt. My wallet chain hooking from my belt loop going into my back pocket.
I grabbed my skateboard and headed out the door. On my way out I grabbed for my phone and glanced at the bright screen.
8 o’clock, it read the bold teal color shining brightly.
I pocketed the phone and grabbed my bag and headed out the door for the skate park.
Now I didn’t know that anything was going to happen. I just was doing something normal that I always did.
Going to the skate park every morning was practically a ritual. A bottle of water in one hand, my lucky hat gracing my head, and my board beneath my feet.
I raced down the stairs and got into my car and sped off to the park.
When I got there, no one was there as always. The skaters didn’t start to come in until usually ten to one o’clock. If they were absolutely bored they came in at nine. But none of them came in when I came in.
I skated into the park, the cement feeling good flying beneath my feet. I rolled up to the first dip and threw my bag down, my water safely hitting on top of it, and I dropped in.
I was so into what I was doing, I lost track of time, and I didn’t realize what I was doing. Next thing I knew I was finishing up my routine and I heard someone say my name.
I turned around and came face to face with him. The boy with the brown eyes.
I smiled, and bent down to take a swig of my water. He was watching me, and he started firing off questions. About my skateboard, what tricks I could pull. Who I was, what my age was, if I wanted to play skate.
And my answer was…yes.

Weeks passed as every morning I woke up got dressed, and drove down to the skate park.
And every morning I always found myself, looking for cuter clothes, jeans that were a bit more ripped, tighter shirts. I started to wear a little bit more make-up…anything to get him to notice.
It was this day that he started to go out with her. Anna.
He was talking to me about her that morning. Apparently after he finished skating with me every morning he always headed over to Anna’s.
“What does she think of me?” He questioned as he dropped in, I sat on the edge and watched him nail tricks as I pondered his question. I was lost in thought when he sat down next to me.
I jumped at the suddenness of his voice then smiled and replied
“Yeah she likes you. She likes you a lot.”
His face brightened, as he received all of the information.
“So do you know for sure?”
He smiled again,
I glanced down at my phone and my eyes widened. It was already two in the afternoon,
I stood up and gathered my stuff, him copying what I was doing.
We said our final goodbye and went our separate ways.

I woke up later that night at midnight my phone screaming. I reached for the glowing blue light and flipped it open.
“Hello” I mumbled turning my face into my pillow.
On the other end was a voice, chipper, overly excited.
To excited for someone at midnight.
“Oh my god, Emilie!!! He asked me out!!”
“What?” I groaned still half asleep.
“Jeremy!! He asked me out!!”
“Oh my god! This is so amazing.”
“Is that it?”
“Yeah! Emilie!!! Jeremy! Asked me out! I'm dating Jeremy!!!” she squealed
“I got that, now I'm gonna go back to sleep” I mumbled flipping my phone shut before she could reply back.
But I couldn’t go back to sleep.
He was just a friend…Just a friend.

A few weeks passed, as my daily routine of meeting up with him at the skate park, started to diminish. He never showed up anymore. And when I called, Anna always answered.
In her snotty voice she would tell me that he was busy.
So every morning I woke up and skated.
But everything changed one morning. When I had just got back from skating, the house phone was ringing, as I was walking up stairs right as my mom answered it.
I was about to kick off my shoes and lay on my bed. My mom walked in and threw me the phone; I stared up at her, as she walked out of my room and softly closed the door behind me.
My only guess was that it was Anna; the only time my mom ever acted like that was when Anna called. Which was weird because Anna never called the house phone.
Then again my cell phone was turned off. Because I always found myself looking at it and checking it repeatedly to see if he texted/called me.
Even though I always had my phone on the highest setting for the ring tone, I always convinced myself that he would call.
“Hello” I mumbled into the receiver.
And on the other end, I heard her all so familiar chirpy voice.
“Oh my god… Emilie! I haven’t talked to you in so f-in long! You should like so totally come to my party tonight!”
I stared wide eyed at my wall, as I heard her continue on and on about how her party was already in the full swing.
I blinked and replied
“Uh yeah…ill be over in a little bit.”
“It’s at Jeremy’s house. Hurry up, I found so too cute guys for you!” she slurred.
I rolled my eyes and hung up without answering. Of course, she would already be drunk.
Jeremy always had a full stock of some kind of alcoholic beverage at his house. I should know I've been there plenty.
I rolled out of bed, and went into my closet and jumped into the nearest undirtiest clothes I could find, grabbed my keys and cell phone and headed out the door yelling bye to my mom.

I drove up and had to park about a block away from Jeremy’s two story mansion. I walked the rest of the way. The night was particularly chilly and the icy wind kept slicing through my thin leather jacket that I had threw on.
I walked up the steps and let myself in and was instantly thrown back by the smell of alcohol, cigarettes, and pot.
I never knew that Jeremy or Anna smoked…
I walked into the foyer; bodies were all firmly pressed together.
Each body swaying in rhythm with the other, I pushed my way throughout the crowd until I got out to pool. I could see through the glass doors, and I could see Anna standing there with some jocks from our school. I stopped in my tracks as I saw her take off her shirt and flash all the guys. Jeremy was no where to be seen.
I was about to rush out and stop her from making a fool of herself all the more but was stopped. I turned my head up at the person who had grabbed my wrist and was surprised to see Jeremy.
Standing there with a grim expression on his face, without saying anything he led me upstairs never letting go of my hand. I looked behind me…I could still see Anna outside. But now she was letting the guys touch her. I grimaced; if Anna wasn’t drunk she sure as hell wouldn’t be doing any of these things. But then again I hadn’t talked to Anna in weeks. She could have changed.
I continued to follow Jeremy as he led me upstairs and to his room. He didn’t have to tell me that was where we were going.
I watched him fish for the key inside the secret panel that he always had it in. and then proceeded to go into his room.

This is where my story gets tricky. This is also where everything falls apart. I never meant for any of this to happen. It just did.
I was lounging on his bed, waiting for him to start his rant. This is what we had always used to do before him and Anna had officially started to date. It was a complete surprise when I had sat up fully to talk to him, but instead of me opening my mouth and talking to him. He crashed his lips into mine.
I sat there shocked. My eyes wide. After a few moments something clicked and I closed my eyes and kissed him back. Tangling my fingers through his soft hair I pulled him closer to me. I scooted back on the bed and in return he crawled over and on top of me. Our bodies meshed together, as I kissed him harder and deeper. I had no intention of ever stopping and I could tell that he didn’t either. Within minutes my shirt had come off and discarded to the floor right beside the bed.
Then his shirt, my pants, my bra, his pants, his underwear, my panties…you get the picture.
We rolled underneath the covers and I could feel my body heat up. The friction was growing between us.
And that was the night that everything went wrong.

I lost my virginity to him.
Jeremy. My best friends BOYFRIEND!
I fell asleep in his arms and only woke up later to hearing Anna screaming and crying. Profanities being yelled in every other direction, I sat up when I realized that Anna was in the room and Jeremy was already up. His hair wet from just getting out of the shower. And I was still wrapped up in the sweat filled sheets that we had just got done sharing.
I sat up and looked over at the squabbling couple, and noticed that Anna’s eyes were on me.
She looked straight at me and started yelling and cursing at me. I didn’t even hear her. I didn’t even look at Jeremy.
I slowly climbed out of his bed. I only glanced up once, and I could see concern fill his eyes as I gathered up my articles of clothes that had been thrown every which way. I could still hear Anna screaming and trying to get out of Jeremy’s grasp. I pulled on my shirt and slid on my pants. I grabbed my lucky hat and walked out of the room….making them think that I was gone. I stood there my back pressed against the cold wall. The house was a mess. And I could hear them too speaking…more like screaming at each other
“Anna it was nothing!”
“Nothing?! Nothing?! My best friend was naked and in the same bed with you. You were naked too! What do you call that?! Hmm?!”
“Um…I call that being close…?” he tried
“Bulls*** Jeremy! I thought you loved me!”
“I do…I told you I didn’t care about her at all. I was drunk. She was drunk. It meant nothing baby” I soothed
I exhaled when I realized that I had been holding my breath. I had meant nothing. I had apparently been drunk. We both know that neither of us was drunk. I walked numbly out of the house but not before I heard him promise her that he would never look at me again.
I had lost my best friend that day.
I had also lost the love of my life.
I rushed home.
I ran into my house slamming the front door and ran up to my room and tore down a duffel bag from one of the shelves in my closet. I started packing. It didn’t matter. I just took what I needed. Duffel bag after duffel bag, I didn’t care. I had to get away. I went through my whole room packing everything that was of importance to me.
Only stopping when I saw the picture of me and Anna. I smiled faintly and then proceeded leaving it turned down. The picture facing the flat surface of the desk my cell phone kept going off and I kept hanging up. The caller id kept saying Jeremy.
He ended up calling 15 times.
And I left a note.
My parents were out at work. I was the only one at home.

Sometimes you have to run away…you have to just forget everything.
To run away… you have to forget your problems…
To run away…you have to not care…
To run away…you have to say good bye to your best friend…
To run away…you have to say good bye to the guy who you love.
I'm sorry…I have to forget everything…


You’re Daughter Emilie.

And I walked out of the door…and said goodbye.
Goodbye to everyone.

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