Monster inside me

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Jumping out of bed from a nightmare, she is crying. This happens every morning, but she shrugs it off and tries to start her day on a good note. Standing under the warm water in the shower she chases the dreams away. Slithering down the drain, she believes that at least for today- they are gone. As she steps out of the shower, she glances at her self in the mirror. Truly seeing herself for the first time this morning, it is the rawness of her reflection that holds her gaze. But as she stares her reflection becomes distorted and evil, she knows what is going to happen next. But cannot move. This new figure steps out of the mirror and now they are face to face. The new face is her own, but is a monster. They circle each other. She is scared but strong, the Monster is grinning in a way that would frighten the bravest warrior. She tries to speak but nothing comes out. Then she tries to run but can’t move. Now she is terrified. Her heart is pounding faster and faster. She heard her voice, but it is not her own.
The Monster is speaking now. It is telling her everything she already knows to be true, but she denies. She runs from the true thoughts in her head. Like the fact that she believes she will never find love. The voice is screaming now. Screaming that she is nothing, that she is a disappointment! She will never be anything! She’ll die where she was born, never seeing anything! Telling her that she wasted her life trying to be perfect!
Weeping now. She can’t find the words to defend herself, because she knows that the Monster is right.
Breaking down now. All her walls and dams are falling, allowing everything they held inside to rush out. Like a rainstorm on a summer day, completely unexpected and terrifying. When the Monster sees that she is finally broken, it comes back with even more to say.
Whispering now. The Monster says, he doesn’t love her. How could he love her? What is she to him? Nothing, she is nothing. Nothing but a good time. That’s all she is to any of them. She believes them and gives them another piece of her soul. Now she is almost empty and he will take all that she has left. These words hit her like an arrow through the heart. She had been thinking this for so long, but had never heard it out loud. The Monster saw the realization in her eyes.
Again it whispers, she will die alone. With no one to love her. This was the last thing that was said, before the Monster sat beside her in silence. Until finally it disappeared. Leaving her with nothing but truth and pain.





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