Mother Bear

May 29, 2012
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Needles stab around my body as I am pressed against the side of a filthy kennel. My body is covered in multitudes of restraints, and my muscles are screaming for freedom. The scent of tainted metal and humans fill my nostrils, throwing my mind into an even larger state of confusion. Voices flit in and out of my foggy awareness in languages I do not understand.

The pain was beginning again. At first it had been an agonizing ordeal, but it has become duller since then. I no longer beg for them to end my corrupted life. It was as if the sun had been shrouded by clouds on the hottest of days- I was numb. It still pricked, yes, but I am no longer dealing with the agonizing torture it once was to me.

However that is not the only thing keeping me alive. I am not living only for myself, you see. There is hope. A very dim, subtle hope, but hope nonetheless. I have a child. He waits for me in a kennel across the room. They haven't hurt him. Not yet. I don't know what I would do if they did..

A deep shudder travels along my spine as I am placed back into the horrid confinement. In this secluded space I am barely given room to breathe, and most definitely not room to walk. My muscles had been sore for the first few days, but now they were weak and frail.

This is a daily occurrence, and it tends to be a torturous ordeal. Glaring at my captors, I make a weak attempt to snarl at them. They were doing this. Stabbing, pulling and pushing- but for what? My life as a free bear was stripped away long ago by these monsters, and then my young one was taken. There was no righteous reasoning for this. Perhaps it was a sick delight. Humans are cruel things.

Suddenly a piercing wail broke through my veil of self pity. It was a fearful sound that ripped through the air and attacked me full force. It placed all of my senses on end, and unleashed a fury within me that I never knew existed. It was an unnatural, despairing cry. It was my child.

The humans shrieked as I burst through my kennel. As I blundered through my surroundings, rage shot through my veins and I roared to the heavens.

No more. No more. Keep away from him. He must be unharmed.

I saw him once I turned the corner. He was trapped, entangled in the human's wrath. In a frantic whirl I pawed at the straps wrapped securely around his body. I pulled and ripped, but it was all in vain. He could not be freed. Nothing that I did could possibly release his bonds. He will suffer as I have. As we all have.

With this recognition came my despair. Despair as deep and rigid as the mighty rivers I once swam, as potent as love itself. It filled my body, reaching the most secluded precipices of my heart and mind I wasn't even aware existed.

“Mother” he squeaked in pain “Let this end.. Make it go away!” he wailed in misery as blood seeped through the new insertion on his side.

I hung my head in disgrace. “I’m afraid I cannot, child.” What a worthless mother I am..

“Why? Why must I live in constant suffering and fear? Will I never be free?” He was truly pitiful, and would die without seeing the world. He would never feel the breath of wind against his fur, or bask in the glory of sunlight.

Realization crashed down on me like a raging tsunami. I could end this horror, this pain, the terror. Everything.

“I’m sorry child.. but we will exit this world forever..” Dread shot up my spine as I uttered these words.

I pressed my body onto his, breaking his airways, and his fragile frame quivers beneath my much larger one.

“I love you..” I whispered.

Soon a large sigh escaped his writhing body and it was over. I stood up and noticed the faintest smile and look of hope on his shattered remains. That was all they were. Remnants. Remnants of love and freedom- of the glory and potential of a free bear.

A great roar escaped my morning body. This should have never happened. Anger and fear shrouded my wretched being. I know now, with all my heart, that I hate the humans.

My brain began to cloud with more unmoving despair, and I was made aware of the greatest wrongdoing.

“No!” I shrieked.

We shouldn’t die before our children, but this cruel world dragged me to this abhorrent conclusion. Pain exploded behind my eyes as I slammed myself into the nearest wall.

We will meet again, son.

Darkness blurred my peripherals as I continuously rammed my cranium into the wall. The pain became almost overbearing until it began to dissolve. Slowly but surely it faded into the background. Now I’m floating.. being swallowed by shadows.. blessed shadows. I must sleep.. yes.. peace.

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