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I rummaged through the sheets to find my phone ringing obnoxiously. “Hello?” I whispered still half asleep. “Hey, Sophie” said a stress-free, earsplitting voice “Brian? Brian Turk?” “Yeah, how’s it goin?” he slurred. “Good” I said in astonishment, I hadn’t heard from Brian in over a year, ever since Carson and I got together. “Sorry for calling, I know it’s random but this was the only time I would have the guts to call you.” I could hear what sounded like a party in the background, there was loud music and people laughing. He was drunk. We were long lost friends from middle school… best friends. We spent the next three hours of the night catching up on lost times and laughing about how crazy it was that we were actually talking again. I sighed “It’s so nice to hear from you!”
“Yeah, I really miss you Soph…” a strange feeling rushed through my body when he spoke those words; I was at a standstill, I said nothing, was it because we hadn’t talked in so long? Was it because I missed him? Or did our friendship turn into something more than just that? Despite the fact that he was trashed he sounded sincere “I called for a reason Sophie” he said adoringly “I don’t think there has been a day in these past two years that I haven’t thought about you, you’re all that I think about and I don’t sense it’s ever gonna change, I’ve never liked anyone like this before and I can’t see me ever wanting someone as much as I want you.” I had nothing to say about our conversation that night, my thoughts felt like they were put into a blender nonstop the entire night and I was left with a lot to think about. “Do you think it would be ok to call you tomorrow?” “Of course” I said hesitantly. I closed my phone and snapped out of hypnosis.
7:00 a.m. the next morning, the designated tone for Carson rang obnoxiously, I picked up “Hey Babe, just letting you know that I’m leaving for work” he blurted loudly with energy, he sounded happy and ready to face the day “Ok, have fun, call me when you get off” I had only been sleeping for a few hours “I will, I love you!” “I love you too.” Carson worked mornings bussing tables at the local diner. For the past 2 years Carson and I have been inseparable, in a very healthy relationship, we were both very content, everything was perfect, perfect until last night. Not that is was a bad thing that I talked to Brian but I felt like a bad person, I felt like I was keeping something from Carson that he deserved to know about.
I continued to speak to Brian on a daily basis and on most days much longer that I spoke to Carson. I began to have feelings for Brian, not a lot at all but enough to make me consider breaking up with him only because I can’t stand keeping this from him. “What am I doing? Carson has been my boyfriend for 2 years now and I’m not going to let this tear us apart, he hasn’t done anything wrong.” I thought about both boys for weeks, eventually turning into months, and still Carson was ignorant of the situation. I called Brian in a mission one afternoon “Hey Brian, I need to talk to you, and this is going to be hard to do.” “Shoot” he said casually. “Listen, I think that I need some time to think about this whole situation. I need some time to myself to decide what I’m going to do; I think that we should stop talking because it’s not fair to any of us.” I thought if I stopped talking to Brian for a while I might lose interest in him and things will go back to normal with Carson and I at least I hoped they would. He didn’t want too but he agreed to my plan. “If it’s gonna to make you happy then Ill do it.”
Two elongated months passed and Carson and I were pretty much back to normal, I still wondered what it would be like if I wasn’t with Carson and that was a big problem. I often thought about what my life would be like if I was out having fun with my old friends, partying, drinking, all the things that an average teen does. I could see myself having so much fun with Brian, he was very funny, intelligent, and always knew how to have a good time. Summer was only 3 weeks away and I knew if I was going to break up with Carson that would be the best time to do it because school would be out and the chances of seeing him were slim to none.
My mind switched back and forth, one day I wanted something new and the next I didn’t want anything but to stay with him like I had been for almost two years now. My stress level more than doubled, my grades began to drop, I hadn’t had a relaxing day in as long as I could remember. I knew that my decision had to come soon; it wasn’t fair to any of us. Its not the end of the world, whatever I decided no one was going to die, there is obviously going to be a lot of emotion but life is like that sometimes, life just isn’t fair.
Later that week Carson and I got into a rather large argument and I decided that this would be a good time to break thing off with each other. I told him I would be a lot happier with out a boyfriend for the time; I confronted him about how he was being ridiculous about getting mad over something so simple. I broke down into tears and told Carson that I needed a break from the whole relationship status, I told him everything that I had built up inside of me in the past couple months. I needed to be single again, talk to other people, and if we were meant to be together again, it would happen. I finally did it and it was done.
He took it better than I thought he would, I was more worried about him than I was myself because I was the heartbreaker this time, he didn’t want for this to happen. I knew I would have regrets no matter what I decided to do, but I couldn’t live a lie any longer than I already had. I wanted a sign; I wanted something to tell me that this was the right thing to do.
The next few weeks were strange, but I got used to it. There were no phone calls before bed, no sweet text messages during class and no surprises randomly during the week. The 23rd wasn’t the day we celebrated every month anymore but it was a day that I looked back on this amazing journey, I believe that this relationship happened for a reason and I am a better person today because of it. I missed him dearly and I hope that he enjoyed our time together as much as I did. We still talk occasionally and hang out sometimes, he comes to see how my family is doing and we keep in touch with each other.
Brian and I never hit things off, I realized that I just wanted to live life like I wanted and not worry about boys for a while. I’m hanging out with my friends a lot now and I’m having the time of my life. I always remember these past two years of my life; I’ve realized that people need to follow their heart more often, whatever is meant to happen will find a way.
Later that week I saw Carson with a girl at the local diner, it made me happy to know that he is accepting what happened and he has someone new that will hopefully treat him the way he deserves to be treated.