The bathroom door swung open dulling the blaring music. From inside the bathroom all that could be heard was the rhythmic beats of the music pulsing from the dance floor. I planted my feet in front of the water spot covered mirror. I pulled my sweat soaked hair out of my brown eyes, as I fanned my red face. My hair flipped about as I put it in a pony tail. All the other girls around me were reapplying their make up and talking obnoxiously on their phones. I inhaled deeply; a girl that was sitting on the sink swinging her legs back and forth caught my eye. We locked gazes as I turned to go back out on the dance floor. I winked, “come find me.”
The beats and rhythm flowed around me as I danced. I felt someone close and spun around to see the same short haired girl that caught my eye in the bathroom. This time there was fire in her eyes.
“Jordyn” is all she said as our bodies kept moving to the music. I was mesmerized by Jordyn. How she talked, dressed, and most of all how she carried herself. She was the shit and she knew it. I knew it too. She wore a backwards hat cocked to the right that covered her shaggy brown hair. That barely covered her silver eyebrow piercing. I realized that Jordyn was shorter than me and.being only five foot tall, that was hard to do. But I thought she was really cute so it didn’t matter. As we danced a smile began to grow on my face.
After we exchanged numbers I watched Jordyn weave through people and disappear onto the dance floor. As I walked to my car on that particularly warm night my phone buzzed in my hand. My eyes lit up but quickly went dim again.
A slurred “Hey babe” came from the other end. Logan was out with his buddies again, how I managed to escape it, I don’t even know. When Logan realized my mind was somewhere else besides him, he raised his voice.
Like so many drunken nights before I calmed him down by a monotone “Yes baby I’m listening, what’s up? How’s the party?” I made my way to my car and got in. “Logan I’m on my way home I’ll call you later.” But he was not listening; I hung up the phone started the car and headed home.
The images of us on the dance floor came back to me and so did that smile. Visions of Jordyn flashed in slow motion through my mind. How Jordyn’s arms were wrapped tightly around my body holding me close. How I felt safe and cared for, for the first time in ages. How she ran her hands over my skin giving me chills. How our hands fit together perfectly. When I looked into her eyes I couldn’t help but smile. Her energy moved through me like electricity. This was a new feeling for me. Good but new. Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I thought about her. I wrestled with the thought of Jordyn and the thought of my boyfriend all the way home, and well into the sleepless night.
Thoughts flooded my mind which overran the images of Jordyn and I dancing. I laid and stared at the ceiling watching the shadows being cast by the cars that passed. My mind began to fill itself with thoughts of her again. This isn’t right; it’s not supposed to be like this, how come I didn’t realize I had these feeling sooner? This isn’t who I am, or is it? What am I going to do? I don’t want to hurt Logan but am I really happy in the relationship that I’m in? Would I be happier with her? Hell, do I even have a chance with her? Is it worth taking the risk of being alone for something I’m unsure of? I have a boyfriend. The last thought worried me the most.
I rolled over and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I searched blindly for my phone. The glow blinded me as I stared at the screen: one new message. “Hey cutie I had a blast last night, when can I see you again?” was all it said. Logan flashed in my mind. What am I going to do about Logan? I slumped under the weight of my own thoughts. I picked up my phone with a shaky hand, “Me too, well no one is home here but me, so you can come here and chill if you want.” Send. “I can’t believe I have a crush on a girl,” I said out loud.
The phone buzzed snapping me out of my trance “Really?! Cool. I’ll see you in a bit then hun.” I stared in amazement at the phone. I can not believe I am actually going to hang out with this girl.
The next hour was hectic and seemed to fly by. I had to look good, perfect even. Hair, smile, outfit, everything. I fought with my hair for most of the time trying to get it just right. The outfit was easier, tight jeans and my red polo with white splatters on it. I am actually nervous! Me! nervous! I never get nervous especially over a girl. This is a new experience for me. I heard a car pull into the gravel driveway the door slammed. My heart jumped then raced. I immediately ran to the window where I saw her small but muscular frame walking toward my house. Her in her too big pants that sagged with her boxers hanging out, a too big tee shirt that matched her backwards hat. She walked with confidence. I couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear. I ushered her in.
We sank onto the cool leather sofa. The room was dim, blinds drawn to keep the glare off the TV. We flipped through the channels, nothing good was on so we stopped on a movie I’m pretty sure we had both seen about a hundred times. There was a gap between us that felt like the distance from the earth to the moon. The only sound was that of the TV, and our breathing. I wonder if she is as nervous as I am? Should I make a move? Move closer? Or stay here and let her move closer to me? The questions were driving me crazy. Jordyn slid closer; her fingertips brushed gently up against my hand making me jump a little. I turned my head and gazed into her, she flashed at me a cute crooked smile. I felt the heat in my face rise as I turned about twelve different shades of red. We both giggled. Ugh she is so adorable! This time I showed the same confidence I did last night when I walked out of the bathroom and winked at her. I slid closer and took her hand in mine. They were sweaty probably because she was nervous, even though she would never show it. Her thumb rubbed against my hand in the same vertical motion. I laid my head on her shoulder, she pulled me closer, holding me in her embrace. I closed my eyes, this felt good, this felt right.
My perfect moment was interrupted by my phone going off. “Hello?” I answered.
“Morgan why aren’t you here, I haven’t seen or talked to you in forever and you never called me back last night!” Logan said angrily.
I lifted my head off her warm shoulder. “I’m sorry I fell asleep but I’m busy right now,” I stated as convincingly as I could.
“Fine, I see how it is,” The phone went dead. I sighed as I put my head back on her shoulder and took her hand in mine. I ran my fingers over her hand and up her arm. She leaned in and kissed my head. I closed my eyes tight, trying to erase Logan from my memory. As her hands ran through my hair, I knew what I had to do. Logan isn’t right for me. I have to make a decision, take a risk, follow my hear, and go with my gut on what feels right to me. I realize it’s not about gender, it is about how I feel right here, right now. There is a point in time where you have to do things for yourself and not for other people, this is my time. I have to learn to trust what I feel and go for what I want and what I want is Jordyn.