May 14, 2008
By Kelly Buono, Carkston, MI

I watched as crystal clear tear drops fell from Amanda’s face. Her cheeks were rosy red and dark mascara poured from her eyes.
“I’m so sorry Kyle, please don’t do this. It didn’t mean anything to me” Amanda sobbed into her cell phone barely able to breathe. Her phone was on speaker.
“How could you do this to me? I trusted you! He was one of my friends. I want nothing to do with you ever again. You are worthless!” Kyle screamed back and then the other line went silent.
He hung up on her. I stood only a short distance away on the other side of the twin bed with a vacant look on my face. Amanda wanted me to be there with her when she talked to him, she thought I could have helped somehow, but there was no helping this. She chucked her Blackberry across the room and it slammed against the wall, breaking into two pieces.
“I hate him!” she yelled. Her face fell into her hands. I calmly walked over to her and she collapsed into my hug. I wanted to make her feel better, but I couldn’t.

A couple hours passed after the breakup.
“Hayden, will you come here?” Amanda’s voice was soft. I could barely hear her.
“Are you feeling any better?” I approached her with an ice cold glass of water. She took the glass cup from my hand and began drinking like she hadn’t tasted water in days.
“Thanks Hay” she said barely opening her mouth and dropped her head down.
“No problem. I just want you to feel better” I gave her a small smile. She looked up at me.
“It’s just hard, we have been dating for two years and I go and make a mistake like this. I don’t blame him for not forgiving me. I don’t know how I’ll ever get him back” she sounded desperate. Tear droplets forming in her eyes again.
“You don’t need him ya know? He wasn’t the best boyfriend in the world either. I think this will be good for you. But I gotta run. I have an AP test tomorrow. Call me if you need me. Love ya Manderz” I strode out of the room kind of feeling guilty for leaving.

The next morning came so fast. I was exhausted from the night before and I knew Amanda probably hadn’t gotten much sleep either. Today was going to be hard for her, I just knew it. Like usual, Amanda was waiting at my parking spot when I pulled in. She liked walking into school together. She was a year younger than me.
“Hey” she said a small grin crept across her face.
“You seem to be doing better” I exchanged a smile and patted her shoulder.
“Yeah, I’m alright” she looked down. I could tell she was putting on a show. There was no way she was okay, not after all that. But she was a good faker.

We walked into the loud main hallway of the school. There were all our friends standing in a huge clump just like they do every morning. Amanda’s friends swarmed around her. They knew. Amanda gave me an ineffectual and confused look. She mouthed the word “Help!” to me but then she disappeared into the ocean of students. I thoughtfully wished her luck and carried on with my day; there wasn’t much more I could do.

By lunch time everyone knew they broke up and why it had happened. Everyone knows everyone else’s business in Cedarville. It’s just the way it is. Throughout the day tons of people came up to me asking if all the rumors were true. I thought what rumors? There were no rumors. They broke up, plain and simple. This had to be about something else. I spotted one of Amanda’s friends and pushed my way through the crowd to get to her.
“Jess! Wait up” I yelled gasping for air. “Have you been hearing rumors about Amanda?” I was concerned.
She wouldn’t even look at me, “Yeah”
I paused as if I was waiting for her to say something else.
“Well what are they about? Who started them?” confused, I spoke quickly.
“Well, Kyle has been spreading them. I don’t know if they are true or not but he is telling everyone a lot of nasty things about her. Ya know, about what she did. That’s why he broke up with her isn’t it?” Jessica seemed to believe everything she had heard.
“I don’t think they are true, I was with her last night when he broke up with her. He is a real jerk.” I stood up for Amanda.
I stared at Jessica in disgust for her ever taking Kyle’s side before her best friend’s and stormed off.

One of our friends was having a huge party that night because her parents were out of town.
“Manderz you should really come out with me tonight! I think it will make you feel a lot better about all of this” I explained.
“I don’t know. Everyone is talking all this bad stuff about me, I don’t know if I can handle it” Amanda plopped on the sofa. “I feel like everyone hates me, like I’m some huge slut or something. Everyone makes mistakes. Kyle has almost cheated on me and I forgave him” she tried to make herself feel better. Amanda flung her head back against the pillow, dark brown locks of hair cascaded over it.
“I know, but everyone handles things differently. He obviously doesn’t care too much, so neither should you. Plus, if you come out tonight you get to hang with all your girls. You haven’t done that in forever because of Kyle!” I stood up like I was making a huge statement.
“Yeah, your right I guess. I’ll go get changed” Amanda sprinted upstairs and put on her cutest outfit.
She wore her favorite pair of gold flats, dark black skinny jeans, and her white silk shirt. Her long brown hair was curled and her make up was done neutral, not too much.
“I’ll show Kyle what he is missing!” she bounced downstairs flattering herself. “Ready?” I asked.
“Yeah, let’s go!” Amanda seemed so excited.

When we pulled up there was already about twenty cars outside the house. The music was blaring loud and when we walked in everyone was dancing around and laughing. We put our coats and our purses in Leah’s room, where we always did when she had parties. Amanda and I went our separate ways and started mingling. Soon enough, the worst thing that could possibly happen, happened. Kyle walked in. I gazed across the whole room in panic.
“Where is Amanda?” I frantically asked someone I didn’t even know standing next to me. I didn’t wait for an answer.
I ran upstairs and there was Amanda, hovering over the toilet puking.
“Manderz, oh my god! Are you okay?” I kneeled down beside her.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t feel that great right now. I had too much to drink” she pouted.
I stood back wondering if I should tell her.
“Kyle just got here” I told her.
It was as if she magically felt better. She wiped off her face, flushed the toilet, and reapplied her peach lip-gloss.
“Amanda, take it easy. You’re sick” I demanded.
“I don’t care, I want to see Kyle” she pushed me out of the way and practically stumbled down the stairs.

Amanda saw Kyle standing only about twenty feet away. He was talking to another girl, but it wasn’t just any girl. It was one of Amanda’s best friends. She took a deep breath and stomped over to them pushing everyone out of her way, trying not to fall. Right as she was about to grip his shoulder and jerk him around, he turned.
“What the hell are you doing here Amanda? Get away from me!” Kyle shoved her away.
“I’m here with my friends, wha-what do you think your doing talking to her?” tears started building up in her eyes.
“What is it to you, huh? We are over! I told you I wanted nothing to do with you. You’re a slut!” he turned his back to her making her feel invisible.
It seemed like the whole party stopped. Everyone was staring at Amanda. She busted into tears and ran out the front door.

“Amanda! Wait!” I dodged after her.
I reached out and grabbed her arm making her fall to the ground. Her face was beet red and soaking wet with tears. She was screaming, but I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Her small body squirmed all over the pavement as she gasped for air.
“I’m taking you home” I said.
“No, no, no! Take me to Sarah’s house. She is home, please” she argued back.
I called Sarah to see if it was okay if I dropped Amanda off, it was. By the time we arrived at Sarah’s, Amanda had stopped crying. Sarah came outside to help carry Amanda in.
“Thanks for letting her come here, she wouldn’t go home” I explained.
“No problem, I wasn’t doing anything. I’ll just put her to bed” Sarah replied.
I drove home worried about what would happen. I got home and I walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face and brushed me teeth. I was so concerned. I decided I would go to bed and deal with it in the morning.

The next day I woke up at 9:30 am, went downstairs to make a bowl of cereal.
“Did you hear what happened to Amanda?” my mom asked.
Confused as to what she meant I replied “No. What do you mean?”
“She tried hurting herself last night” my mom couldn’t look at me.
“What are you talking about? I dropped her off at Sarah’s and she was fine” I insisted.
“No honey, after Sarah went to sleep she tried to overdose on her allergy pills. She almost died” my mom explained.
The inside of my mouth got salty, almost like I was going to vomit, but I started crying instead.
“Is she okay? Where is she now?” I panicked.
“She is still at the hospital, they had to flush out her system and they are going to run some tests on her” my mom set her mug of coffee down and embraced me.
Why would Amanda do that? What was it going to change? She is better than that.
I waited eagerly until Amanda got home and drove over to her house. I couldn’t help but be mean to her. I was so angry that she did that to herself, how selfish.
“What were you thinking?” my face was firm.
“I don’t know. I just thought it would be easier if I wasn’t here to deal with my problems anymore,” she replied in her soft voice. “But it was stupid, and I realized that I really didn’t want to die.”
“That’s not how you deal with problems Amanda, you can’t just run away from things when they get tough for the rest of your life” I sat down next to her.
Her eyes filled up with tears and they slowly paced down her face.
“You need help. I’m going to tell my counselor at school tomorrow” I told her.
“Well, are you like going to tell him my name? Will he wa- wanna talk to me?” she sounded hesitant.
“Not if you don’t want me to. I’m just gunna see what he thinks you should do” I put my hand on her shoulder, stood up, and walked out of her room. I left without saying a word.

It was about 11:00 pm and I was getting ready to go to sleep when my cell phone rang. Amanda’s name showed up on the front screen.
“Hey” I answered.
“I’ll talk to him, I want to. I know I need help and I want to get it. I really scared myself last night” all her words came together into one sentence and then she hung up. She was nervous.
A smile sneaked across my face. I put my phone down and climbed into bed. I had no trouble sleeping that night.

Morning came around and I knew that it was going to be a good day. There was Amanda waiting by my parking spot, she waved. We walked into school together and went straight to the counseling office to make an appointment with Mr. Bendeck.
“Are you sure your okay with this?” I asked.
“I will be, I need to do this” she replied.
An overwhelming feeling ran through my body. I shivered, but it was a good shiver. Amanda nudged my back.
“Thank you” she smiled.

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