Stuck in Freedom

May 7, 2008
By Daniella Bondar, Staten Island, NY

I had a dream last night, no not a dream, a nightmare. I tucked myself into bed, pulled the covers up over my body, and began to doze off. As I reached, what I presume to be, the deepest part of my sleep images began to travel before my eyes. My entire body froze up, like the ice I had made, before I went to bed, laying on the top shelf. "NO", dream me screams," NO." I am there, but I am watching myself from afar. I am nothing more than a fly on the wall, living yet not. I am there but have no part in anything.
I break out into a cold sweat. What now? How do I make it stop, I feel everything, every whimper, every cold breeze, every inch of my body shake, every hair on my body stand up. I feel all the fear. It is still not me, I am feeling what I am not living, what is happening? Is this really a nightmare? Is this reality? Will I awake? Who knows? I try to see if I can pinch myself in my dream. I bring my index finger and my thumb to my arm and close them tightly around the skin. I watch as the skin, where my fingers lay, turns a lighter shade, but not much else happens. This must not be a nightmare, I must be living this. Damn!
I run, there is nothing more I can do. I run and run and run some more. I do not know what I am running from. Possibly the fear, possibly the pain, possibly myself, I just do not know. I run straight into a cave, it is dark , I hide there, alone, can not leave. I walk father into the cave, as I dig myself deeper and deeper in, I am stuck. Why did I do it? Why did I branch out into the cave? Into the unknown? It will surely hurt me. I ignore my thoughts and head on inward and inward. It is pitch black, I see nothing.
I twist and turn and gasp for air, suddenly I am back in my own room. I have kicked the covers off, my shirt is sticking to me from the all the sweat. It was a nightmare. I am ok, but I can not fall back asleep. What now? I look outside it is dark, darker than in my dream.
As I stare at my four walls trying to fall back into a deep slumber, my thoughts all come to me, my head spins, I am still stuck. I have no where to go, no idea where I am headed, I am locked inside, I am confined to the places in my head, no chance for freedom, not going anywhere.
The nightmare is over.
Or is it?

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