Some Proof of the Existence of Karma

May 4, 2008
By Shannon Browne, Port Charlotte, FL

I was starting to come to; I felt so dizzy. Where am I? How long had I’d been out? Oh, I think I’m gonna be sick. That was one hell of a party last night though. I had a typical wild night: booze, ecstasy, and of course, hooking up with some guy. Who’d I hook up with last night? Damn, I ‘m so out of it right now.

I tried to move. Nothing. I tried again, still nothing. Why couldn’t I move? I tried one more time, putting all the effort I could muster into it. I finally did move, but it felt weird. Some my muscles felt like they were being squeezed, but hey later relaxed as some other muscles were squeezed. It was like my body had become wavy or something. It took a while for me to get the hang of it.

When I finally managed to turn to the side, I screamed. Or at least I tried to; when I opened my mouth, it opened wider than I thought it would and nothing came out. My body…what happened to it? It very small, was at size -20 or so, and longer than I remembered. My legs were gone, and I had scales, a lot of scales. I was now striped with red, yellow, and black all the way down my body to my…tail? I have a tail? Okay, now I had to be seeing things. I thought if I closed my eyes real tight, this dream would go away and I’d be normal again. But when I tried to close my eyes, they wouldn’t budge. So I don’t’ have legs nor the abilities to close my eyes and move in some way besides a wave, but I do have an overly flexible mouth, scales and look like a badly colored tie dye shirt. I know life isn’t fair, but this is ridiculous! I want out of this freakish nightmare!

I started to look around to try to answer the “where am I” question. My tongue was compulsively sticking out for some strange reason (why does it feel like a soft, flabby fork?). I finally figured out that wherever I was, the place was currently empty, but really dirty. Sewer, maybe? Eew, I hope not, my outfit would be totally ruined. Oh wait, the only clothes I have are these stupid scales. Why do they feel like I’ve been wearing them forever? Man, I suddenly have the urge to rub against something hard… wow that just sounded really disturbing.

How’d I even get like this? I tried to remember last night, but I couldn’t sort out of what actually happened and what the booze and drugs made me think happen. I remember the hookup with that guy. Damn, he was hot. But he was so familiar. Damn it, who was it? I thought really hard. We started making out, we made it to some empty bedroom before he started taking off my shirt. We messed around… the door opened…some girl screaming at me. I guess the guy was her boyfriend or something. Who was she? She seemed familiar too. I remember she had super dark hair… pasty skin… and piercing green eyes.

Just like my best friend, Abby.

Oh no, this doesn’t mean that I… oh no. I tried harder to focus and remember what the guy looked like, praying that it wasn’t who I thought it was. Let’s see, uh okay, brown hair, uh with blond highlights. Um, he was kind of tanned, oh and definitely ripped, and had these really ocean blue eyes. Totally a surfer dude. Just like…Jason.

I’d hooked up with Jason, the boyfriend of my best friend, Abby.

Remnants were slowly coming back to me now. Abby catching us…Jason trying to explain, barely able to slur a few sentences out…her crying and screaming…me just sitting there in the bed, wondering what the big deal was.

“You b****!” Abby had screamed at me. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me! How long have been eying my boyfriend, huh? Have you two screwed around behind my back before? I don’t believe this, you two are f-in'… snakes!

And now, I think I actually turned into a snake. OMG, this is like, so a case of karma gone horribly wrong (or horribly right, in Abby’s case).

Abby’s reaction was the only reaction that hit the heart right where it hurt; none the other girlfriends whose boyfriends I screwed around with came even close. I mean, I’ve been with a lot of guys, but I never thought one of them would be Jason…I wonder if Jason had turned into a snake too. I hope he did; it’d give me something to laugh about, if I could. I don’t think snakes can laugh. Or smile, cry, scream…do snakes even have emotions? I guess they don’t. Was I feeling any emotions when I got into bed with Jason? Or was I too messed up to care?

Am I really a snake?

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