The Falling Snow

April 28, 2008
By Tara DeLorenzo, Budd Lake, NJ

The snow fell, tangling into her golden blond curls that were spiraling down her back. Taking a deep breath, she inhaled the scent of the falling snow. Her royal blue knee-length dress flowed, as the wind brushed through it. All other high school sophomores were all enjoying themselves inside at the Winter Formal.

It was different for Kay Morgan. She was standing outside, pulling her leather jacket tighter around her and her spaghetti strapped royal blue dress. She was supposed to have come with her best friend, Adam, but that was before. Before he decided to go to that prestigious private school. Before he decided to leave their school with barely a word of goodbye. Slowly, a tear trickled down her cheek. I really miss him, she thought, as she sat down on a bench that was standing on the sidewalk of the school.

It was different now. It had all changed. None of it made sense to Kay. She and Adam had been best friends since they were in diapers and then he just picked up and left, not even saying anything to Kay.

“How could he do this to me,” she whispered, wiping her eyes quickly. “How could he just leave me like this?”

“Maybe he had a good reason,” a voice expressed from behind her. “Maybe he was scared that your reaction could completely change his mind.”

Kay slowly standing up, and turning to face the mysterious stranger. In front of her was Adam. His snow filled brunette hair fell in his eyes, but even through his hair was covering them, she could see his emerald green eyes shining through. Kay could see the concern in them. He smiled slightly and took a few steps forward.

“Adam,” she gasped softly. He nodded. Kay’s face broke into a smile, as she rushed forward and hugged him. Adam held her tightly.

“Kay, I’m so so sorry,” Adam expressed quietly. “It’s just…” The two pulled away from their hug and stared at each other. His emerald eyes bored into Kay’s sapphire ones. Kay looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. “It’s just… I know that if you had said don’t go, I would have… I don’t know, I probably would have stayed. I just knew that this would have been a great opportunity for me and I couldn’t pass it up.”

“I never would have stopped you,” Kay whispered. “I’m proud of you. I know what a great school that is, but I just wish that you had told me or at least said goodbye.”

“Yeah, I know,” Adam responded. “Ok, Kay, I have to go. My brother is waiting. I just knew you’d be here, so I’d thought I could talk to you here. I’ll call you as soon as I can.” Kay nodded, as a small tear formed in her eyes. “Ok, bye, then.”

Adam turned and started to walk away. Kay watched his retreating form. Suddenly, it hit her. I can’t let him leave like this again, she thought.

“ADAM!” she called.

He turned and stared at her. She ran forward. Her black heels were clapping against the cement of the sidewalk. As she reached him, she hugged him, as he picked her up and swung her in circles. Their laughter soon filled the air.

“I’m going to miss you,” she smiled, as Adam set her on the ground.

“I’ll miss you too, Kay,” Adam replied, as his smile faltered slightly, as he thought about leaving her.

“Take care of yourself,” Kay said softly.

“Yeah, you too,” he replied. “I have to go, but I’ll be back soon.” Kay nodded and watched as he left, knowing he’d be back.

Kay smiled, as she stood out in the snow as it fell, tangling into her golden blond curls. She took a deep breath, inhaling the soft scent of snow, as she pulled her leather jacket tighter around her and her royal blue knee length dress, knowing that everything was okay.

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This article has 34 comments.

loveastory said...
on Feb. 10 2009 at 8:07 pm
this was a great story. i just wish it was longer...can you please continue with this one

NotAFan said...
on Feb. 8 2009 at 5:26 pm
Your characters seemed flawless. If this was longer, your reader would lose interest.

on Feb. 2 2009 at 5:01 pm
<3 Nyuu! I heart this story! It's so romantic and stuff! ^_^

nina_cabrera said...
on Jan. 18 2009 at 12:13 am
I love the imagery of the snow. The picture of the entire scene was very clear in my mind.

I think it was a teensy bit cliche. But more character development could easily fix that. Is Adam smart? Is Kay shy? Did Kay decide to come to the dance with someone else instead?

I realize that it's hard to fit a lot of information into a snippet of a story like this. I think you did a good job setting up the scene. But, yeah, a little predictable, a little worn...Make it more unique! Tell us what's different this time, what's special about your story and why it should be told.

Another thing I was very romanticized. Like, everything was perfect. Did Kay have trouble running in those shoes? Aren't her toes frozen?

Does she have a dimple or some defining characteristic that makes her more real and less like a movie?

I guess that's about all I have to say. I think I was being a little picky...believe me, I like the piece. You've got great potential. But there's always room to grow. ;~}

_xoxo16_ said...
on Nov. 27 2008 at 2:03 am
This is really really good. You should keep up with that story and make it complete with more chapters. Good job

helloredhead said...
on Nov. 4 2008 at 11:39 pm
your story was so touching and moving it made me feel like i was in the snow with every emotion going through the character ! =]

just3words said...
on Oct. 22 2008 at 11:01 pm
that really was beautiful. it actually made me jealous and wonder, does a feeling between Kay and Adam exist?

Cookie17 said...
on Oct. 22 2008 at 8:36 pm
There were some grammatical errors that bothered me a bit, but overall the story was pretty good. I expected, as I started reading it, for the girl to end up thinking that she was in love with the character Adam. I was just waiting for the obvious: a kiss, the exchanging of the three words that plague love stories now. One thing that could have been a little more detailed would be the characters, not only their appearance but their overall actions. Were they shivering from the cold, or were they seemingly warm in their jackets. A little more detail would have been nice.

Allice* said...
on Oct. 22 2008 at 7:27 pm
Love the imagery! I could see everything happening just as you described it.

One piece of constructive criticism I would have for you would be this; try connecting your sentences a little bit more, to make it flow just a little bit better. An example I found of this would be :

He turned and stared at her. She ran forward. Her black heels were clapping against the cement of the sidewalk.

(You can take this and make it flow a little more, for example like :)He turned around and stared at her. She ran towards him, her black heels clapping against the cement of the sidewalk.

I absolutely loved this piece of writing, keep it up!

on Oct. 22 2008 at 5:56 pm
It seemed so stereotypical. Its like a mini scene out of every book or story or tv show ever made. Good writing, lame topic

on Oct. 19 2008 at 5:48 pm
I thought this story was so sweet. I could picture everything perfectly in my head. Keep up your writing!

on Oct. 18 2008 at 8:13 pm
really good story..the opening and everything was fabulous!

great use of imagery...wish adam wasn't that selfish though ;]

on Oct. 16 2008 at 3:26 am
I love how I can picture what's happening in my head and I can feel what Kay is feeling. I can feel it's cold outside and all. But I think it would be so much better if you make it seem more of a love story, instead of just best friends. like how they secretly love each other. in the way the relationship of them two are established, I think it's better off if its a romance. but other than that, the writing is great. bravo

twilight said...
on Oct. 9 2008 at 7:08 pm
I liked it a lot...the opening paragraph drew you into the story...yes, sometimes too much description can be annoying, but not in this got me to want to read more.

Victoria H. said...
on Oct. 9 2008 at 6:33 pm
I liked it, even though a few sentences were a little akward. Great detail: I like that you re-detailed the dress again at the end of the story. The guy seemed a bit ... arrogant? Selfish? I'm not sure how to describe it, but I don't think that Kay should be relieved.

on Oct. 8 2008 at 9:09 pm
It was decent, I suppose, but the first sentence itself made me frown. It was somewhat awkward, you must understand. You overdosed a bit on the details, and that can be frustrating for a reader at times. It's usually better to let the readers try and imagine the scene for themselves. In general, it was a cute story. Nicely written.

lalaman said...
on Oct. 2 2008 at 3:58 am
that was cool and really well writen i enjoyed reading it

on Oct. 1 2008 at 5:02 am
I don't get it. Yes, the writing was good... but, emotional much? The writing was very very good, but it didn't really tell a story. It told a fragment of one...

pixiegrl said...
on Sep. 30 2008 at 3:38 pm
This story was cute. I think you used too many descriptions at once, though. It took away from the story instead of painting a picture.

on Sep. 9 2008 at 4:46 pm
Well, it's awesome. Your literary devices were well used especially your diction and syntax. I am not surprised when it was number one. Very great job. A terrific writer has entered the world and I am very thrilled to have been part in knowing her. I really liked the story at then end because even though the return of Adam was the expected result, you reeally worked around it and made it a very unexpected return. Very good job. That section was me as Andy the professional critic. Good Luck in writing future articles and stories. I really can't wait to read the next one.


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