Have you ever tried to cut down a tree with a finger nail file? Believe me when I tell you, it is not easy.

At first, the idea seemed brilliant to me, I was painting the yellow lines on a parking lot when it hit me like a lightning bolt. Why was I wasting my precious time on a slab of asphalt when I could be filing my way through a mighty oak?

So I whipped out my toe nail clippers and got to work. For the first twelve hours I was in heaven, dreaming of the news stories that would be done about me. Then I made it through the bark.

After forty-eight hours, as you might imagine, my hand was starting to cramp and I really had to pee. I took stock of my progress, 1/36 of an inch and well worth my troubles, I thought.

But after ninety- seven more hours of vigorous filing and file dust in my eyes, it became clear to me that my mission was for not. So I gave up on my dream of filing down a tree and went back to painting the parking lot.