Wanting to Leave

April 5, 2012
By luislad BRONZE, Miami, Florida
luislad BRONZE, Miami, Florida
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

If this child feels anything at all, it is undoubtedly pain, sadness, defeat, and sorrow. Gravity crushes him slowly along with his burden. Tyler lives with the burden of having so much time, and not being able to use it, not because he is busy, but because he is alone. He has this emotional by deteriorating pain that destroys his confidence, energy, and enthusiasm. The boy pretends to be normal and carries this pretentious smile, only he knows it’s phony. He practically has no one to live for except for an alter ego he created to hide his shame in the shadows. Tyler leads everyone to believe he is this person and this is who they want; he only wishes people could figure out he is deeper and less materialistic than what he has sold himself to be. He does not know how to express his bottled emotions and cannot share them with anyone. Unfortunately, Tyler would not seek out his parents for help because he thinks they have no special interest in him. Tyler has unknowingly left himself to wither away.
Aside from carrying inconceivable burdens, Tyler is an adolescent who fits the “paradigm.” He attends a private high school, wishes he didn’t, has mediocre grades, and numerous friends. Every morning he awakes to his alarm clock, gets ready for school, scarfs down his breakfast, accompanied by a note from his mother who leaves with Tyler’s father to work early every morning, and drives himself to school. The boy arrives and finds himself in the same table, as he did the day before and two years ago as well, says hello to his friends, who he secretly wishes were not his friends as he hates that he hates them, and he hates that he spends time with them, but he dare not say a word. Tyler normally does his homework in the morning allowing him to copy from his friend’s work, and he usually makes plenty of mistakes since he is writing rapidly and never corrects the mistakes he notices. Tyler lacks commitment. His work is always subpar and that contributes to his hopelessness.
Tyler is always “put on the spot” by his teachers when he gets higher grades than the people who do their homework; it is not his fault that they’re stupid. Tyler repeats to himself “I really want to leave” but most of the time nobody knows what it means; sometimes people just pretend they know what he said and practically just nod, and sometimes smile, whatever, like it mattered to Tyler. Other things that Tyler hated were hypocrites. The most useless people in the world. People who whine about how unbearable their lives are, know everything about television, materialism, abusive people, and those who just wish to extract money out of anything. Tyler spends an abundance of his time thinks about what he likes and what he hates. Many people would agree with his thoughts, if only anyone listened to him. He really wants to leave.
A loner has no one to love, no who loves him, and never wants to be around people. Tyler is always alone and might just be because everyone forgets about him and only once he would like to know if his “friends,” mom, dad, or anyone ever remembers him, his name, his birthday, events, or whether he is happy or not. He really wants to leave. Sometimes he tells himself that no one attended his birth, and that’s what happens when no one pays attention to an actual human being. Attention is imperative for the human being, if not people would not need emotions to live.
Tyler has been living in the shadow for three years now, and not even he can realize it. Tyler has the idea of seeking attention by ending himself. That way everyone remembers him for something instead of nothing, that way he knows that every day after his life at least someone would mourn his death. But he had to be intelligent about it, as in he needed to plan the murder and make it seem as if it happened naturally, to be able to make sure that everyone remembers the poet inside him, he will write a diary, about the steps that lead up his demise. Tyler would leave notes, drawings, poems, and stories that would allow people to figure the enigma that was Tyler Schlitz. He will make sure everyone knows why he wanted to leave, and the cause. Tyler’s main goal is for something like this to never happen again, so that no one would ever feel as badly as he has for the past something years in his life. Tyler also had in mind to teach someone a lesson, someone he hates, someone who does not deserve the life he was given, someone who needs to leave. He understands why it would be wrong to take the life of someone else, but at the same time no one can judge him if he is already gone; any attention is good enough for him.

Don’t you think that I have had enough of this, why would you make me do this? I have to speak and act for myself and this is not what I want. This is what you made me.
I fathom this discourse, but Tyler, you’re the type of person who does not understand that this is absolutely your burden. Your blunder. With my discretion I have been able to narrate your inexcusable mistakes which I have not caused; it remains your fault.
My name is Tyler and what you have done is made sure that I am absolutely depressed, absolutely hopeless, and alone. The only thing you have been able to do is respond to me, you destroyed me, and as I speak to you, I realize that you might have killed my brother, to make sure you might teach someone a lesson.
To make sure people refrain from making others feel like you have felt, I have to end your life, and you need to recognize that. With your death people might somehow become better.
The fact is this method is not only stupid it is faulty and I am not worthy to…
You will have to, I have killed others and the goal is always accomplished. I only picked up on your life after all your misfortune have had already occurred but all these calamities you have faced will be nothing but your fault. What I did is made you realize that your life, from anyone’s point of view, is over. You have nothing to live for and your death is the only way you will ever get any more attention.
The fact that you had the thought of making me kill someone is where I know that this is only part of your web of intricate lies to make sure I go along with this terribly thought out sin.
You will forever be remembered and that is the only way to make sure that you were deprived of love.
And my parents will forever be ridden of the guilt of the lives of two sons.
Your parents will feel at fault and that is definitely the point. Your brother died due to the lack of attention your parents gave to him and you think they would have learnt by now. This is a punishment, but for that reason you need to console their thoughts before you die. I promise you freedom from this gravity that made you forget who you were, that wrinkled your face, which made you such a hypocrite, that made you unaware of anything that your friends or parents do and it seems as if I were contradicting myself. Although your parents stopped trying to give you love, you go along with it. You ignore every note that your mom writes you every morning, you make sure that they do not remember the birthday you always remember, and you make sure you get in trouble for acting immature. Your friends always give you their homework, they invite you places but you strive to look cool, and send apathetic signals to your friends that you do not care. Why should they? You are somewhat at fault. There is always someone worse off than you, and this applies to everyone.
A hypocrite I know I have become. I had not realized these things, until I am so close to losing them. I know I will miss them, but for now I know I hate this life. I really want to leave this place.
Tyler left his notes and diaries for the past week on his desk, scattered all of his works of art everywhere on the floor and walls. He understood no one would enter his room so he left them there and went to school one last day, one last mother’s note, one last stressful morning of late homework, one more of everything. He managed to begin to miss the life he still had. Tyler still had the chance to recuperate himself; he learned his life lesson and therefore could become the person he always wanted. At many moments he saw people he thought deserved to leave and he was ready to get rid of each one of them. He was able to leave school that day without blood on his hands. Taking the same route home, with the usual stress, the usual frustration, breaking in tears, red with embarrassment, and this is the moment he wanted to die.
Tyler Schlitz crashed into a large truck and swerved into the canal. He died of blunt trauma. His death was not what he had anticipated. It remains indeterminable whether or not he committed suicide or if it was an unfortunate mistake. The end of Tyler brought awareness to his friends, his parents, acquaintances, and teachers. Everyone needs compassion, but Tyler never knew what it felt like. If only somebody had time. Hopefully, he will be remembered.

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