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Crazy Cat, The Revenge of Dino Dog
“Muahahaha!” barked the evil Chihuahua Dino Dog, with his brown fur and white spots. Standing at about seven inches tall, Dino Dog was made of pure evil. “ I have stolen all the Cat Nip in the Pet Shop!”
“Yeah, huh ha,” said his evil Great Dane Henchmen Stu and Lu. “And now we get to eat it.”
“You are morons,” sighed Dino Dog. “ But, as long as it stays in our secret hoard of evil things, Crazy Cat will never find it!” He said to all of his newest and greatest minions, like Horrible Hyena, Mischievous Mouse, Mighty Monkey, Terrible Tony, and Furious Falcon. “And since he can’t find it, he will gradually weaken, and eventually, we will bring him back to our lair so I can get my revenge!”
Crazy Cat was at the mall in his guise as a regular cat, with his orange fur, dark orange rings around his whole body, and huge bulging muscles. He was looking through windows and at the kiosks, when all of a sudden, Terrible Tony, the evil talking parrot, burst through the window with his evil, dark red sparrow henchmen.
“ ‘A right!” he shouted with fervor. “ ‘Dis is a stickup! Everybody put all ‘o your valuables in ‘de bag and nobody will get hoit!”
Crazy Cat dove out of sight before they could spy him and ripped of his disguise clothes to show his super hero suit. Capable of super speed, laser vision, flight, and super strength--along with being house broken-- he was going to find a way to stop Tony! Then, he saw his chance, as Tony turned around to face the other way, he made his move. He dove from cover and zoomed up to Tony, knocking him into a cage. Then he melted the door shut. As his henchmen were trying to figure out what just happened, he mind controlled them, and made them each knock the other out.
“Holy Ravioli mister, that was nifty,” his spectators shouted with glee.
“Just another day saved by… CRAZY CAT!!!” he shouted and raced off into the night. He had just remembered something important…
“You’re late!!!” Shouted Marry Anne Watts, “ That’s the seventh time in a row! Just because you’re a superhero doesn’t mean you can just forget about your girlfriend. Are you trying to push me away?” She asked in tears.
“Why would I push you away? I love you!” Crazy Cat tried desperately to get her to stop crying and she finally did when he offered to get her a jewel encrusted diamond coated collar. They were just about to start making up when a squad car came roaring by and shot around the corner down the street. Crazy Cat looked at Mary and she rolled her eyes and gave him a when-you-come-back-I’m-going-to-eat-you-alive-but-go-ahead look.
So he ran into the back room, tore out of his clothes by flexing his enormous biceps and flew through the ceiling, shaking the whole restaurant as though there was a constipated elephant that had just been let loose. He raced after the squad car and by the time he had reached it there were three more heading to somewhere. This must be very bad, he thought, but continued on anyway. Just as they turned the corner, he heard a very familiar voice.
“’Dis is a stickup!” Tony shouted loudly. Somehow he had gotten away from the mall. Just as he was finishing his thought on running water, Tony shouted, “ Well, well, well, if I’ id’nt our little friend, Crazy Kitten.”
“It’s Crazy Cat, Tony, try to get it right, cause if you do, I might not hurt you so much.” Just as he ended his sentence, Tony- who wasn’t really listening in the first place- sent hoards of his evil sparrow minions soaring through the air directly at Crazy Cat. Suddenly they were all over him, dozens and dozens of them that he couldn’t seem to shake of or hit at all. But then he used one of his oldest tricks, and used his super speed to fly in very small circles and create a mini tornado. It worked, and carried them off into the night. Now, he thought, to finish off Terrible Tony. But as he turned to look, Tony was gone- disappeared.
“’Dat would ‘av been an easy one, if that stupid Crazy Kitty ‘addend showed his funny little face,” said the evil parrot, Terrible Tony.
“Don’t worry yourself,” said Dino Dog. “ He won’t be a problem much longer. Even though most people believe Crazy Cat is invincible and has no weakness, it just so happens that his only weakness is-” but he got cut off by low, stupid chuckles from the other side of the evil lair’s control room.
“Haha, patty cake, patty cake…” Stu and Lu were playing patty cake.
“You idiots!” barked Dino Dog, barring his teeth to shut them up. “Just shut up for like five seconds while I explain my evil plan!”
“Sorry boss,” they said at the same time, hanging their heads in shame.
“You are buffoons,” he said, shaking his head. “Anyway, as I was saying…”
Back in Petropolis, Crazy Cat was at his cover up job as a dump worker, when the whistle blew and he headed of to lunch. As he was walking down the hall, the entrancing aroma of something very delicious reached him. Mmmm… smells good, he thought, I wonder what it is. Just as he walked into the cafeteria, he heard some manic laughter and knew something bad was about to happen. Just as his instincts took over and he dove behind cover an explosion rocked the cafeteria.
“Muahahaha,” shouted the crazy, pyro-addicted, evil figure of Mighty Monkey. With his red and orange and yellow suit, this was one monkey you didn’t want to mess with. “This is a stick up! Give me all your Cat Nip!”
That’s twice in two days; crime rate is double what it should be! Snuffles dove undercover behind some crates before the evil Mighty Monkey could spot him and smash him into ash. He tore off his guise as a dump worker and became… Crazy Cat!!!
Now, he thought to himself, what to do about Mighty Monkey?
“I know you’re there Crazy Cat,” Mighty Monkey shouted very aggressively. “Come out and face the music, or else I will steal the cat nip and burn everybody here to a crisp, and then flush them all down the toilet, then I will find t he remains and eat them after they have been washed. Then I will throw them back up and burn them again, just in case they are still alive. Then I will bury them alive, if they still are, and if they are not, I will bury them dead. After that I will take some concrete and pore it over the grave to make sure any survivors don’t make it!” He was obviously very deranged and probably didn’t even know what he was saying.
Well, during the duration of time it took Mighty Monkey to finish his whole thing of killing people, Crazy Cat had come up with a plan. Since Mighty Monkey was a pyro-addicted freak, all of his power came from fire and the flaming gadgets he used. This might not seem helpful, but if you think about fire, and fire’s main weaknesses, which are water and no air, then this is extremely helpful. All Crazy Cat had to do was get Mighty Monkey wet, or take away all the air around him, which would make him just a crazy old coot who thinks he can burn things down. Crazy Cat looked around for water, because that option seemed easier then taking away all the air. He didn’t find any, except some water glasses, and those wouldn’t do anything to someone with as much flame power as Mighty Monkey. That leaves only one option, he thought, get rid of all the air in the room, but it’s so voluminous, how am I going to do that?
Then it came to him, when he was taking care of Terrible Tony’s evil henchmen, he noticed when he started spinning the air seemed to get just a little bit thinner, all he had to do was create a cyclone around Mighty Monkey, and he wouldn’t be able to generate fire, because all the air would be gone!
So he dove out of cover at supersonic speed and soared through the air toward Mighty Monkey. However, Mighty Monkey had been waiting for this and threw up a wall of flame in between him and Crazy Cat. Crazy Cat had about half a second to move out of the way of the inferno, and threw himself over the counter, and underneath the couch on the other side. This is going to be harder then I thought, he thought. So, he used his crazy mind power to make a fake image of himself, and sent it to the other side of the room. Mighty Monkey saw him dive out of cover and run to the other side of the room, and sent flames soaring into him. Then he heard a sonic boom, and the air started to get very thin, until he couldn’t breath. The flames spewing from his hands thinned and then died out, and everything went black. Crazy Cat landed just as some police squirrels came crashing through the back door and wheeled Mighty Monkey out into the sun.
“NOOOOOO!” CRASH!!! The ground shook and a squirrel came running back in to look for Crazy Cat, but he wasn’t there.
“I can’t believe he got away,” he said, shaking his head as he thought of the paperwork he was going to have to file because of this.
Back in Dino Dog’s evil lair, Dino Dog and his Coalition of N Do Gooders were contemplating their next move against Crazy Cat.
“Well, we are running out of Supervillians,” said the evil mouse, Mischievous Mouse in his gray and yellow jumpsuit and cape.
“Crazy Cat has already gotten lucky twice, maybe the tables will turn and his luck will turn to ours,” suggested Furious Falcon, wearing his purple and black jumpsuit of evil. “Maybe I could go for him, without his luck, he would be forced to surrender!”
“No, that would never work,” said the ferocious Hideous Hyena, who was so ugly in his blue and brown super villain suit that he could break a mirror just by glancing at it. “Crazy Cat is still far to strong to be beaten by only one of us…”
“Yes you are absolutely right, Hyena,” said Dino Dog, “But Tony and Monkey have almost weakened him enough for one of you to finish weakening him, so he can come here, already weak, and I can get my revenge. You see, Crazy Cat’s main diet consists of Cat Nip. Well, we have all the Cat Nip. Without it, his strength will fail, and his might will give in. In the end, Crazy Cat will fall!” he finished with a truly evil and psychotic laugh.
Crazy Cat was flying through the air, just doing his regular patrol, when he heard a blood piercing scream rip through the air and felt it tear through his body. What is going on, he thought to himself, there must be something wrong! So he flew down to the source of all the commotion, just to find the most pathetic sight he had ever seen. He saw a puny little mouse trying to melt an old lady with heat vision. She wasn’t screaming though, she was laughing so hard she couldn’t breath, and screamed because the mouse wouldn’t stop tickling her. This was going to be an easy one; all he had to do was step on the mouse to scare him. So he did, and it sent the mouse screaming like a little woman back to where ever he had come from.
Well it was a pathetic attempt, but an attempt nonetheless, thought snuffles as he walked down the streets. Who would want to cause such harm to all the citizens of Petropolis? What was up with all of the crime rate? Who would send those villains to do all these terrible things? And why am I so hungry?! All these questions were running through Snuffle’s head. Well, maybe a good hot meal of Cat Nip will clear my head, he thought. So he went to the Catfé. He walked inside, sat down and waited for the waitress to come.
“Welcome sir, may I take your order?” she asked very politely.
“Yes, I would like some Cat Nip please ma’am,” Crazy Cat replied
“Oh I’m sorry sir, we don’t have any. Nobody does, it was all stolen. Don’t you ever watch the news?” she asked with a grin.
“No…More…Cat…Nip…” he repeated with a blank look on his face.
The waitress kept on talking, but Crazy Cat couldn’t hear her, he had a theory forming. The Cat Nip disappearance and all of this crime was folding together somehow, and Snuffles thought he had a pretty good idea how to find out how…
Dave was one of the lowest felons you’ll ever meet, and always had clothes that were caked with mud and ripped so much that he looked like he was always wearing dirty rags. The only reason the police haven’t arrested him is because he is also the biggest snitch you’ll ever meet. He’ll sell out his friends in a heartbeat just to stay out of prison. If anyone knew what was going on, it would be Dave the Dingo (that’s his nickname). Crazy Cat knew if he could just scare him into talking then the whole mystery would come unraveled.
“Anybody wanna make a bet? ALRIGHT, one at a time people.” Somebody said over an instant roar of voices around the corner and down an alley. Just as he rounded the corner, he saw a whole lot of villains betting on a turtle race, watching it on a tiny television.
“Is it just me, or do I smell something illegal?” Crazy Cat said as he came around the corner. Just as he said it, every one of the villains there screamed and split.
“Hey, Crazy Cat, you know I had a lot of money on that game,” stuttered Dave The Dingo nervously. “What brings you here anyway, Crazy Cat? Did I do something wrong, by any chance? Other than this I have been keeping my nose clean. Well, except for that one thing on Thursday…”
“I came here because I need your help,” explained Crazy Cat. “Something has been going on and I know that you know that I know that you know what it is, and who is behind it. Don’t even think about getting smart with me either, because if you do, I will be forced to wash you.” Dingo’s hate to get washed, especially when it was with soap.
“Okay, lets not get physical here, I’ll talk, just don’t wash me,” Dave said quickly, trying to avoid starting something that he could never win. “You see, somebody has been trying to get back at you, and he knows that your only weakness is if you run out of Cat Nip. So he got a whole bunch of your strongest and most evil enemies together and stole all the Cat Nip with them.”
“Well, who is it that is doing all this? Is it Tony?”
“Nope, Tony is his current right hand man though. He is smart, but not smart enough to think of this plan.”
“Then who did it? Tell me!”
“I…I can’t, he’ll find out, and he will have me washed, that little runt!”
“You tell me, and I will make sure he never comes near you, but don’t tell me, and I will wash you with soap and then fry you!”
“OKAY!!! IT WAS DINO DOG!!! PLEASE DON’T FRY ME, PLEASE,” he pleaded, almost in tears.
“I’m not going to fry you, but I will clear your record and put you in witness protection program.” He said over his shoulder and took off into the air…
A couple of hours later, he landed on the tallest building, his favorite thinking place, and began to think about all that had transpired. How could Dino Dog have survived that transformation, and gotten out of the high security coffin? Even then, how did he evade detection, and why haven’t any of the police told me about this. They always do. But maybe they didn’t know this time, maybe Dino Dog actually thought through a good plan this time. How many more people will he send before he finally finishes me off? I can’t keep fighting without a steady supply of Cat Nip. I have to find out where he is before I become to weak to fight him…
“Muahahaha,” laughed Dino Dog in front of his new super villain allies. “Crazy Cat is doomed!!! By the time he finds our lair, he will be to weak to fight us.”
“Uh, that’s not true boss, he just got a little Cat Nip,” said Stu, while watching the camera that they had placed in Crazy Cat’s apartment. It turns out he had some Just for Kittens hidden a bag labeled Just for Puppies. His power was fully returned, and he was ready to find the lair.
“NOOOO! I thought I told you two to scour the house! OH! YOU IDIOTS!” shouted Dino Dog, furious at himself for letting those two search his apartment. He knew he should have done it himself. “Very well, Furious Falcon, Hideous Hyena, your going to have to take care of him, or at the least weaken him. If you only weaken him, lead him to my lair, where the rest of us will be waiting for him…Muahahaha!” All of them followed suit and began laughing in a maniac chorus.
Ah, finally some Cat Nip, Crazy Cat thought as he emptied the bag, now I can go in search of Dino Dog. I still can’t figure out how he survived the shrink ray’s explosion. Man he was one big dog. Or maybe the explosion made him like a Chihuahua. Crazy Cat laughed at the thought of the Great Dane as a small dog.
Then a piercing scream ripped through the silence of his thoughts like a knife through butter. Oh no, thought Crazy Cat- already having put on his costume- here we go again. Well I hope your watching Dino Dog, cause this is going to be a good one.
He smashed through the back door of his third floor apartment room, and took off toward the commotion. When he arrived, he saw one of the worst things he could have seen. He saw Furious Falcon, who tried to blow up the planet a couple of months ago, and he saw The Hideous Hyena, who had been terrorizing the whole of Petropolis by trying to make everyone as ugly as he was. These two together would not be a fun fight. Just as he landed, Hyena came rushing at him, obviously not going to bother with giving a whole shpeel on what he was going to do if he didn’t surrender. He lunged at Crazy Cat quicker than the last time they fought. But Crazy Cat was to fast, and dodged the attack. Hyena was running back when Crazy Cat used his Heat Vision to melt away some covering on a fire hydrant. Hyena was oblivious to what Crazy Cat was doing, ran on and was hit full blast by the screaming water, and swept aside into a building. One down, now where is Furious Falcon? Just as he turned around to look, something huge detached itself off of the wall of the building across the street and came at him with terrifying agility. Side-stepping the blow, Crazy Cat was knocked over anyway by the rush of air as Falcon came by at supersonic speeds. Then the Falcon was gone, disappeared. Oh no, thought Crazy Cat, I’m not going to lose him them this time. And he flew up into the air, just in time to catch a glimpse of Furious Falcon’s tail as he went over the skyline.
Cat took off after him, struggling to keep pace with the now hypersonic bird of prey. He flew for what must have been an hour, and was just about to give up because he was getting tired, when he saw something coming up over the horizon. It looked like a lair. Forget tired, Cat was about to bust Dino Dog once and for all!
Falcon flew into the opening in the front, and Cat landed on the ledge just before the opening. Cautiously, he approached the entrance, trying to be as quiet as he could, hardly daring to breath for fear that somebody inside might hear it. All of a sudden a spotlight cut through the darkness, and blinded him. When his eyes adjusted, he saw the silhouette of the biggest dog he had ever seen behind a curtain. The dog started laughing as the heavy door slammed shut behind Cat, leaving no escape. The dog stopped laughing all of a sudden.
“Muahahaha! Finally I can get my revenge! You have no idea how long I have waited for this moment!!!” shouted the dark figure. Then the shadow slowly started to move out from behind the curtain, and stepped out to show… Dino Dog!
“Hahahaha!” but it wasn’t DD who laughed this time, it was Cat. The reason was he was looking at a Chihuahua! “You’re not Dino Dog, you’re just a little Chihuahua, Dino Dog was a Great Dane,” Crazy Cat laughed.
“I was a Great Dane, until you blew up my ray, and it shrank me! I hate you! And now I am going to get my revenge,” said Dino Dog.
“Just how do you think you are going to do that, I defeated you once, and all your little minions. What are you going to do, tinkle on me?” said Crazy Cat.
“Not me…” said DD as he turned around, “ them!” Then five of the worst possible people jumped out of the darkness behind DD and took up a fighting formation. They were all there, Hideous Hyena, Terrible Tony, Furious Falcon, Mighty Monkey, Mischievous Mouse, and Dino Dog and his bodyguards. “Get him, Mighty Monkey,” said Dino Dog. Monkey came at him in a fiery rush, trying to crisp him. Monkey zoomed past Cat, and Cat picked him up and threw him into a vat of water. “Mouse, go and get him.” Mischievous Mouse squeaked and at least a thousand mice all came at Cat at the same time. Cat used his mind control to make them all think that Mouse was Crazy Cat, and they all went chasing after him instead. Mouse ran away screaming like a little girl into the darkness. “Hyena, Falcon, take care of Crazy Cat! NOW!” Falcon reached him first, but missed, and then Hyena was all over him, trying to rip him to shreds. In the darkness, Falcon had trouble seeing and saw two flailing figures. He dove at them, but caught Hyena instead, sending him tumbling into the abyss. Falcon, while looking to see who he had hit, slammed into a huge metal pillar at hypersonic speeds, knocking him out cold as he to fell into the dark. “TONY!” Dino Dog was starting to get worried; Cat should have lost by now.
I don’t know how much more I can take… thought Crazy Cat. Tony was all over Crazy Cat before he knew what was going on. Crazy Cat managed to throw him off and used his heat vision to burn off the evil parrot’s tail feathers. Now that he can’t fly, this will be much easier, thought Crazy Cat. Tony lunged at him again, but this time missed and tripped over an iron beam, hitting his head on a rock, and passing out.
“Stu, Lu, get in there, and finish Cat, he is already tired enough, just take care of him!” shouted a furious Dino Dog. Stu and Lu jumped at Crazy Cat, one of them managing to punch him right in the jaw. Cat went down, dazed by the blow. In the darkness, Stu and Lu being the idiots that they were, punched each other, not knowing that Cat had gone down.
“I…. I lost…” muttered a defeated Dino Dog. “ NOOO! MY REVENGE IS NOT COMPLETE; YOU SHOULD HAVE LOST!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Dino Dog was still screaming when Crazy Cat blew the door open with his strength. Dino Dog was still screaming when Crazy Cat picked him up. And Dino Dog was still screaming when Crazy Cat threw him over the edge of the ledge and into the water below. Cat then went inside, and found all the other villains, then threw them into the water after Dino Dog.
“Ahhh… finally it’s all over… I can get some Cat Nip…” sighed Crazy Cat as everything went black.
Crazy Cat awoke to see he was wrapped in sheets, sitting in the middle of a hospital room. The police chief was sitting right next to the bed.
“Ah you’re awake… You fought bravely back there kid. You defeated every one of the known super villains in Petropolis, and returned all the Cat Nip to the world. There was no sign of them though.”
“That’s because I threw them over the cliff and into the water.” Said Crazy Cat. “I don’t think that they’ll be bothering us anytime soon…”
Crazy Cat was out on his patrols, reflecting on all that had transpired the last week and a half. So much just because one little dog, thought Crazy Cat, you know that really makes me think about- but he never finished the thought, because a scream filled the air.
“Here we go again,” whispered Crazy Cat.
To Be Continued…