Whispering Truth

March 24, 2012
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I have many dreams, all of them in which I die a horrible death. I very much hope that's not an omen of things to come because if so, I won't be spending any time planning a trip to the ocean or walk across the street without body armor on. And then I'd be called a nutter, which is true, even without the body armor. I'm insane.

At first I was frightened, then I was mystified, then I was excited, but during all those emotions, they stayed and whispered in my ear. They whispered deep secrets that filled my head and they whispered warnings. I heeded to their advice and their pleas. They were closer to me than my own self, and they unraveled my thoughts and deciphered them better than I did.

I was a nutter, but I was far from alone.

They stayed. They stayed in my head. I could hear them always. Always there.

Don't do that, Mirya. That wouldn't be a just idea.

Who cares about just? Another would ask, just do it. He deserves it. Go on! Scream your head off!

But that isn't quite right now is it? I'd ask them in my head. They'd go on and on arguing with each other until my head ached and I just wanted to fall asleep. But I couldn't.

They kept me awake, whispering in my ear.

"What are you?" I asked.

We are those forgotten, even by our loved ones, and even by our enemies. We are dimmed memories that just keep fading, until we are just voices in the wind, whispering our secrets.

We are what you call ghosts, what friends call spirits, and what we call memories.

We are never to be called friends of anyone anymore. Just advisers to the living, positive words toward the depressed, self restraining words to the angry. That's what we are.

"So you're dead? Do you remember anything?"

No... they said in unison and I could hear a mixture of bitterness, anger, and sadness among their voices. They would advise me in what action to take, but I would have to listen to their talk. Their woes.

Their bitterness towards the world.

After years, that same bitterness seemed to grab hold of me. Nothing seemed fair or right anymore, but I couldn't do anything about it. I would go to school with a light heart and come home with a heavy one. The memories could not comfort me.

We feel the same. We know what you feel.

Well sometimes maybe I didn't want them to. I felt like a mental case, hearing the voices of the long dead. I'd jerk awake at night, terror clawing at me. My mind was slowly shattering, cracking under the weight of all that pressure.

It finally broke one day at school.

I was going about my regular routine, avoiding the nerds and the popular girls, sidestepping the make-out corners, and forcing myself to go into every classroom, knowing I would have those voices in my head, knowing that I was the only weirdo there.

"Take your seat, Mirya," my teacher said. Even though she smiled, her eyes were cold, and I knew why. I was the worst in her class, and she hated having me. My work was sloppy and my average were D's. She hated a slacker, but if she only knew how many distractions were floating around in my head. Three big ones.

I sat in my seat in the back and opened my book to the chapter we were on. Mrs. Grayesonne started reading about some boring guy that found a rock and read it. Blah, blah, blah. I slowly drifted away in a daydream, slowly tuning the pages of my textbook.

Then I felt a deep prod in my ribs. My one and only friend Caitlyn was poking me hard, as Mrs. Greyesonne stood over me, her heavily penciled eyebrows arcing across her forehead and a triumphant glint in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I didn't hear the question."

"In what year did Carter decipher the Rosetta Stone." I hesitated. I was sure I knew it, but for some reason it wouldn't surface in my mind.

Hello! I thought, A little help would be nice. Got any ideas?
Who's Carter? Was all the help I got from my head.

"I'm... I'm not sure, ma'am." Mrs. Greyesonne grinned triumphantly and turned her back on me, calling back:

"You'll get a zero for today and extra homework. I expect all of it back by tomorrow. No extensions, and no complaining. You'll stay after class also, and serve detention for not paying attention in my classroom."


"No complaints."

I felt anger bubbling up inside if me. My hands were clenched, and my knuckles were white. How dare she do that to me? Half the kids in here weren't paying attention and I was the only one that got punished for it.

Don't do anything stupid, Mirya One told me

No! Yell at her! Scream at her! It's what she deserves. Do it!

Has he ever told you the right thing to do? Just walk right out the door. Show her, not tell her, that you won't take anymore of her tyranny.

Be compliant. Be submissive. That's the only way to survive in a situation like this.

"Stop it!" I yelled, not realizing that it was aloud, "I don't want you in my head anymore. I don't want to be the only person that can hear you. Please go away. Go!" I was standing up in my seat now, screaming at the top of my lungs.

At that moment something snapped inside of me. Something crucial. I jumped up on my desk and laughed hysterically.

"Mirya!" someone called out, "What's going on? What voices are you talking about?" I pointed to my head, grinning stupidly.

"These voices." Then I hit myself in the head numerous times," they'll never come out!" I screeched collapsing on the floor as bitter tears started cascading down my pale cheeks.

"Call the police! She's insane!" someone else screamed, but I didn't pay attention. It was getting hard to breathe, like I had a boulder resting on my chest. Every breath pained me.

Then I laughed again, suddenly full of glee. I jumped around the room knocking into people and objects alike.

You're insane. One of them told me, and I knew it was true. Because they always whispered the truth. Always.

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