College Admissions Essay

January 14, 2008
By Amanda Walton, Glen Allen, VA

In order for the Admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I’m a pretty simple and down to earth girl. Have you know, I scored a perfect on my SAT’s and my ACT’s. I fly to school in the morning while brushing my hair and teeth, all at the same time. I can speak every language in world fluently and even write an essay in every native tongue. I once wrestled my garden hose with my hands and feet behind my back and won. I dance the funky chicken.
I solved world peace, hunger, cancer and aids; I’m just too selfish to give everyone all the answers. Certain people love to hate me. I can figure out any math problem in my head while listening to music, watching TV, talking on the phone, and bathing. I only eat once a month, I believe food is bad and can only make you look twenty years older. Scientists all over the world came knocking on my door to see if I would build them my secret economical space shuttle. In school, I received a 7.3 GPA while single handedly saving the world. Beowulf and I conquered the dragon together and I still have the gold in my toy chest. I don’t cry and I complete surgery on the brain everyday after school.

I can swim underwater without breathing for hours at a time, while taming a wild pack of man eating sharks. I play softball with myself hitting and then running to catch my own balls. I played in the Olympics last year for the baseball team while wearing my first cup and putting a mullet wig on. I pitched a no hitter. I invented the flying car. It’s written down in a book that I traveled the world in 7 days. Laying eggs for the poor chickens that can’t is one of my hobbies. My most prized accomplishment was inventing the Macarena. I like to frolic in the eyes of tornadoes and waterspouts. I’m the real Santa Clause and was the person who gave Jesus his first piece of bread, he loved it. I’m kind of a big deal when it comes to solving every world problem while going to the bathroom. When I sleep, I grant certain prayers.
I once stopped a robbery by using my super-human powers. A job has never been an issue in my eyes; I have a money tree in my backyard. My clone and I can be in two places at once so everyone will be happy. My kiss can heal any sickness. I always bowl over a perfect score.
My turtle is smarter than Einstein and sometimes helps me with my homework. Monkeys are not extinct because I saved every single one. I was the one who wrote all of Michael Jackson’s songs. There is nothing I can’t do. I’m physically and mentally perfect, literally. I’m an expert at shooting deadly spiders with my sling-shot and then releasing them back into the wild. I own every hand-bag in the world. I’m a force or nature. Sometimes I walk to Germany to get a little taste of my heritage. Holding the world on my shoulders felt like I was holding a pillow. I went tubing down Niagara Falls while taping my hands and feet together and singing “Row Row Row Your Boat”. I’m the world champion for creating master pieces out of foil. I breathe fire.
I can do anything the normal human can’t do. While babysitting a little girl, I rebuilt the McDonalds down the street. I play the piano and the guitar while teaching a rat how to play basketball. Every kid looks up to me. I never had a birth and fell from the sky, so I’m magical in more than one way.

But I have yet to get accepted into college.

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