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Jim, Santa, and Charlotte's Adventure.
Once upon a time there was a narwhal named Jim. He lived in a land far, far away, also known as Northern Canada, (well, technically Baffin Bay) right by the North Pole. He was sad because no one believed he was real. No one wanted to be friends with him because they thought they were hallucinating every time they saw him. One time, Jim met Shania Twain, and she thought that she was hallucinating and ran away. She hurt Jim’s feelings on accident; poor Jim.
One day, Jim saw an animal walking on a big hunk of floating ice. He said, “Hello, what’s your name?”
When the animal came closer, he realized it was a unicorn! He was shocked, but then he thought, unicorns aren’t real, I must be hallucinating.
“Unicorns aren’t real,” he thought out loud.
At the same time the unicorn said, “Narwhals aren’t real.” Charlotte had never seen a narwhal, and Jim had never seen a unicorn. The pair seemed very puzzled for a few moments.
Afterwards, they realized that they were in the same boat. “What’s your name?” repeated Jim.
“Charlotte, what’s yours?” the unicorn replied.
“Jim,” he replied.
A moment later they noticed something way up high in the sky. It was red and it seemed to be flying. The red blob came into focus. It was Santa’s sleigh! They were both very surprised. Jim had lived in Canada his whole life and had never seen Santa before. The sleigh came closer and closer until… THUNK! The sleigh had landed, almost cracking the ice.
“Whoa, Charlotte are you okay?” Jim asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, but there’s a giant crack in the ice!!” replied Charlotte.
Santa emerged from the sleigh. They were surprised when Santa said, “Charlotte, Jim, I need your help! The little children just don’t believe in us anymore. Please help me show the children we are real.”
Jim asked, “HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME????”
Santa gave a warm, hearty “Ho Ho Ho,” and said,“I know everyone’s name because I have given everyone presents for Christmas.”
“But what about the Jewish kids, Santa??” Charlotte asked.
Santa was about to respond when, all of sudden, a scary creature leaped out of Santa’s sleigh.
Jim cried “OH NO!” Charlotte yelled “NOT THE KRAMPUS!”
The Krampus was an odd creature. It looked like a devil with the legs of a deer and the tongue of a snake. He also sort of looked like a Billy Goat. Yes, indeed the Krampus was strange. He had all the bad children handcuffed to a metal chain that he was carrying.
“Help us Santa!!!” cried the bad children.
“Let them go!” Santa said in a booming voice.
The Krampus looked like he was in a trance. Then he let go of the bad children. “Krampus go home!” cried Santa. The Krampus trudged away, disappearing behind the icy horizon. The children all ran up to Santa and hugged him, and then Santa told Vixen to take all the children home to their families.
Right after the Krampus left, Jim, Santa, and Charlotte were on their way to see the children. On the way they stopped at McDonald’s. They saw Celine Dion there. When she started to run away, Santa cried, “Celine, we are all real. We aren’t hallucinations.”
“How do I know you aren’t a fake Santa?” replied Celine.
“Tug on my beard.” So Celine tugged on Santa’s beard, and it didn’t come off.
Then he showed her the sleigh and she cried, “YES! I don’t have hallucination problems!”
Santa ate so much that when they got onto the sleigh, it took five times more reindeer power than normal for them to get off the ground. Rudolph cried “What have you been eating Santa?”
Dancer shouted, “You need to go on The Biggest Loser Santa.” The reindeer all agreed.
Jim checked the fuel monitor and saw that they only had enough reindeer power left to go back to the North Pole or be stranded in Canada forever!
“I don’t want to be stuck in Canada! They have weird accents and plastic money,” Charlotte said.
“Hey, I have lived in Canada my whole life, and I think Canada is the coolest place ever, literally! Then again, the North Pole is probably a better place for all of us friends to get along. Plus, Santa has a SWEET house, with a hot tub!” said Jim.
Then Santa said, “Since my house is built on ice, we can make trap doors so that you can swim around the North Pole!”
“Or you could make an aquarium like hall around the North Pole,” Charlotte replied.
With heavy hearts, they began the long, cold journey to get back to the North Pole. The group of friends decided to move to the North Pole and find a different way to show the children that they were are real. They were sad, yet happy. Even though fewer children believed in them, Charlotte, Jim, and Santa all received the most valuable Christmas gift ever: the gift of friendship that would last for a lifetime. Santa, Jim, Charlotte, and the reindeer started singing “Jingle Bells” and “Auld Lang Syne” as they disappeared past the moon and off into the night sky.