One Day There

April 7, 2008
By Patrick Young, Ashburn, VA

One day there was a boy named Stefano (pronounced Stef-uh-no) who was a bad kid at heart and everyone who was ever near him knew it. One of the reasons he was always so mean to everybody was he is an Italian. Now we all know that Italians have temper issues. Otherwise, there would be no mafia. So anyway, some of his anger issues were because of his ancestors and the rest was because everyone pronounced his name wrong except for his closest friends (err, uh, maybe closest peers). They all called him Stef-a-no instead of Stef-uh-no. He didn't really mind at first because he didn't know how to pronounce his name either so it didn't really bother him. But in 8th grade, when he found out the correct pronunciation of his name, he became evil. He was evil and cruel to everybody except his closest peers. They were Patrick, Jerad, Caleb, and Andrew. So because of his newfound inability to not be able to control his anger, he started studying for fun at his house and he learned enough to make up words such as insipid because he knew so much. One day when Stefano and Patrick were talking on the phone, Stefano said to Patrick”Patrick, you are the most insipid human being in the world.”
Patrick, who is the smartest human in the United States, knew that was not a real word and he replied “Please Stefano, I know that you do not have my academic prowess but you certainly don’t have to make up words to sound smarter.”
Stefano responded “You think I am making that up? I am so much smarter than you that I felt like making you realize how dumb you really are by using my extensive vocabulary.”
That displeased Patrick greatly so he came back with “You know what? I’ll prove to you that insipid is not a real word by looking it up in the dictionary!”
“Oh ok then you will realize how pitiful you are compared to me.” Stefano said. “So run along now and look in your dictionary.”
About ten minutes later Patrick came back on the phone and said to Stefano “Ok, I looked for it for ten full minutes and it wasn’t in there for sure. I even had my parents and brother try to find it and they said it wasn’t there.”
Stefano, who had spent the time looking in his gigantic dictionary that he bought for $500 had found it and asked Patrick “So what was the name of that dictionary again? Because I found it in mine so maybe yours isn’t up to date.”
“Oh, it’s called The Children’s Guide to Basic English,” Patrick said. “What is your called?”
“HAAHHAHAHAHAHH! You have got to be kidding me! You really looked in that for it? Wow Patrick you are a bigger tool than I thought.”
“Well that is the only dictionary I had and I figured any real word would be in there,” Patrick said. “It has all the basic words.”
Still laughing Stefano replied “I cannot talk to you anymore today because I am so embarrassed. Good bye I will see you tomorrow.”
After that everything was going as well as possible (which still isn't that good) for Stefano when two things happened in one day that changed his life forever. First, he ran out of anti-depressant pills which caused him to do the second action. He had been taking anti-depressants ever since he had found out everyone, including him, had gotten his name wrong. The second action was when he ran out of anti-depressants, and was incredibly sad, he jumped off of his high school's roof and landed on a big pole which got stuck in the middle of his chest and he was made fun of in hell for the rest of eternity.

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