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The Tragic Story of Luigi
Once upon a time there was a guy on a sail boat in a crazy storm. His name was Luigi. He had stolen the sail boat from his uncle who he had been visiting. This is how it happened:
Luigi: Uncle George, can I ride your sail boat?
Uncle George: No, the weather forecast says there is going to be a crazy storm tonight. Can I have one of those Oreos you're eating?
He took one without waiting for an answer.
Luigi: I was going to say "no"
Uncle George: Oh.
Luigi: Maybe I'll just have to take something of yours to get revenge….
Luigi Laughed Diabolically for a few minutes and stopped because he was out of breath. He also stopped because Uncle George was looking at his suspiciously and Luigi was worried he might be catching on to Luigi's evil plan.
Uncle George: What did you say?
Luigi: Nothing. Nothing at all…
So that night Luigi went around the house to see what he could steal. He found a box of Oreos and stole it. After he had eaten half the box, he decided that his uncle deserved far worse punishment and stole the sail boat. Unfortunately, he did not know how to ride a sail boat and when the crazy storm hit and he was in the middle of the ocean, he began to reconsider what he had just done.
Luigi: Maybe this wasn't such a good idea… I'm lonely. Well at least I have a half-eaten box of Oreos. It can keep me company. I will name it Half-Eaten-Box-of-Oreos. Wilson for short.
Wilson: Hi. What's up?
Luigi: I think I'm going crazy…
Wilson: Why would you think that?
All of a sudden lightning struck the sail boat and Luigi died and half of Wilson's Oreos got burned and the other half fell into the sea. It was very tragic. This is how it happened:
Luigi (before he died): Wiiilllsssooonnn!!! Nooowoooowoooo!!!!
Wilson (before his Oreos fell out): Luigi!!! Nooooooooooooo!!!!
The next morning Uncle George got up and realized his Oreos were missing. This made him feel sad. Then her realized his sailboat was missing and it made him feel worse. Then he realized his nephew was missing and it made him feel better. He went to the grocery store to buy a new box of Oreos.
Uncle George ate the Oreos on his couch and felt happy that he was no longer with his nephew. Then he suddenly died of a heart attack and found himself in the afterlife with his nephew.
Epilogue: 7 miles below sea level, a great white shark ate an Oreo and died. This was slightly more tragic than when Luigi died since the shark had a more good-natured personality than Luigi did. This is how it happened:
(this is an astonishingly amazing part if the story since it is the first time on record that anybody has heard of a talking shark in the Atlantic Ocean.)
The shark suddenly found itself in the afterlife with Luigi and Uncle George. They were an odd group.