In the Land of Yummy Gummy Gobsteropolis...

March 25, 2008
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In the Land of Yummy Gummy Gobsteropolis a new prince had been born and word spread like wildfire. From the urban castle of Fruitston to the rural areas of Veggieburg. But it also spread to the Land of Ewwy Nasty Spinachostiltness. Something King Tomato of Yummy Gummy Gobsteropolis had dreaded for Ewwy Nasty Spinachostiltness’ King Potato was always trying to get ways to kidnap his family and friends. There was only one gun in the whole world and Queen Pear owned it.

“Not this time. My son will have guards on his back every day and night of every waking second of his life until he can defend himself. My love, what name shall we put upon his soul?”

“The Eye tells of the name…Apple,” his wife, Pear, replied for she had the Future Telling Powers which all females in The Family had.

“Then Apple it shall be, my love.”


Several years past and King Tomato finally got the guards off of Apple. He was 13 now and a fully fledged cucumber. A cucumber was the highest of all fighters. Along with his best friends, Banana and Apricot, they were the most popular in the whole school.

One day, they were in English and a great horn blew out. It was the signal of all people of importance to join in the Meeting of Important People.

“That means me, Mr. Bagel!”

“Of course it means you, you show offy little brat! Fine! Skip a lesson! See whose grade it affects!”

“What’s up his butt?” said Apple as he left the classroom. Mr. Bagel ignored it.

At the Meeting of Important People, he noticed his father had tears in his eyes and that his mother was absent. “Dear Father! Why are you crying? Where is Mother?” he asked.

“My Queen has been taken as a hostage to Potato and he will not give her back,” he said to Apple. To the other Important People, “We must send an army to wage war against the Land of Ewwy Nasty Spinachostiltness. I believe our Peace Streak shall be broken for the first time.”

“Father, I will take Banana with me and we will get my mother back. I swear you will not lose your wife while I am the rescuer.”

“Fine. But take Apricot with you. She will make sure you boys don’t do anything stupid.”

They set out for the two day horse ride through the country. As they trotted through, the wild grasses turned to a barren field in which houses every now and then turned up. Each house had its own personality of nastiness. One was made of hay. Another was covered with sticks. The silliest one they saw was covered in mud and had rainbow rags around it, probably a failed attempt to make it more attractive. Kids were in the streets throwing rocks at them saying, “Go home, Eggheads!”

They had made it to Ewwy Nasty Spinachostiltness.

“No wonder your dad hates them. They have some enormous stomachs! And they think we’re food-loving rich people!” Banana was the slow one of the trio.

“The belly swells because of malnutrition,” said Apricot. “As the gut needs food and is not getting it, the fat reserve is used and when there is none of that is it like being stung, it swells.”

“At least I’m not a know it all!”

“Banana, don’t be impertinent.” The only reason Apple used such a big word was to impress Apricot. It looked like it worked. Banana scrunched his face to find the meaning of the word. “Anyways, let’s get to their castle and get Mother Pear before something bad happens.”

They rode and rode until they got lost in the baggy streets of the nasty place. Apricot tried to get the boys to ask for directions but they wouldn’t give in. She muttered something bad about them under her breath. Apple heard and said, “You’re right, Apricot. I think we should ask for directions.”

They asked a young lady with ugly blue shoes that smelled like a rotten sandwich. She screamed and ran away.

“Oh, look at me! I'm Apricot! I’m so smart I asked a townie for directions!” It seems it was a victory for Banana to be right for the first time. Apricot looked like she was going to cry.

Until…

The girl came running back with a paper in her hand. “Sorry, I got spry that someone is gonna take down King Potato. Here is a map. Come and join us for breakfast.”

As they ate, the girl seemed to be over-excited. She could not stop talking. It was really annoying and they needed to get out of the stinky sandwich smelling house as soon as possible. When they did, they thanked her and got to Potato’s castle. It was actually pretty decent. When the guards saw them they attacked immediately.

They fought them off and got into the castle. The outside was poo compared to the inside of the castle. The walls were very shiny and the rugged floor was clean. Pear was tied up in the throne room. They untied her and tried to get to the door, but it opened and out came King Tomato. “Hello Apple. I knew your father would send someone to get you mother back, but not you! I saw how you eliminated all my guards.”

“Those were all your guards? Wow. You suck at running a kingdom, man!” At that, Potato charged him. But he didn’t see the big open window behind Apple, who moved out of the way just in time.

“You’re so brave! I could just kiss you!”

While Apricot kissed Apple, Pear took the gun and raised it to her son’s head and said, “I never did love you son of mine. I just let you live for I saw this day coming and knew of your saving my life. See you in hell.” Blood splattered Apricot’s face as she let out a cry.





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