Gone in the Wind

March 19, 2008
Whatever hour you woke there was a door shutting. A lonely sock with a dark brown stain, astray on the floor was all that remained on the rotten oak. The hallways, with their chipping paint and dingy colors, were witness to my suitcase walking out. I was quiet as possible as I trampled down the stairs. I broke the banister on my way down, sorry. The entire time my father’s words were going through my head “Honey don’t do this. Don’t live with this boy.” He was right. Like a broken record that continued to revolve, his words played through my mind all the way to the mauve door, the only thing we ever painted. I opened it to see the Emerald screen door with its broken hinges and chipped paint and realized how truly broken we were. Nothing, but an old door off its hinges. I ran for the ancient Buick dragging my baggage behind me when I heard a loud agonizing noise that came from within me.

“You have to.” Was all my head managed to say to the dying lump inside of my chest. After everything I was finally leaving. The un-raked leaves fit like a glove over our unkempt yard with the broken, formerly white picket fence and the haphazard garden beds. An array of colors scattered the driveway; gold, pumpkin, crimson, and brown. The tires resisted against the damp leaves as I pressed the acceleration peddle towards the wet floor mat. The resisting automobile at last yielded to my desire and I drove down the road. I pressed rewind and began to relive it all.

I found out the truth. You told me it was a rumor and thought that I was insane to even consider the possibility of that ever occurring. Did you really think I wasn’t going to find out? If you did, you are more delusional than I thought. I am a strong girl and independent with a fire burning inside that shall not be quenched by anyone, you have known this from the start. I despise when this happens to other girls and they do nothing to stop it, instead they pretend that everything is perfect. You have witnessed my reaction before and you neglected to note that I hate this. I have closed this door and any window you may use to try and get back in. All is shut creating an impenetrable force. There is no more entering here where you have left nothing but turmoil and pain.

I took only my suitcase and left yours behind. I scattered everything across the plain room and luckily you are impossible to wake otherwise you would have seen me leaving and tried to weasel your way back in. You were situated in the middle of our plain white room on the mattress of questionable origins. Thank God, you didn’t wake. If you had you would’ve used those irresistible charms: that devilish smile and those sparkling eyes, you would’ve been as sweet as pie. The suitcase is filled with heartache and tears, but pain will decrease with time like colors that fade away in autumn. I will forget all of this. A snapshot of a passed life destroyed, put away in an old hat box left to gather dust. It was my choice. It was necessary to leave this self-destructive path you led me down. I am stronger than this and I will be more than what I have become. Even so I shall miss you dearly.

We had our good moments. Laughs and happy tears convinced me we could survive the storm, we would see sunlight again. But as the sun rose slowly I began to throw my things in the bag. I took the picture of when we went to the fair off the dresser and threw it in. It was warm and sunny and you rode on the carousel with me. Most of your sarcasm and mock tone were left in the car that day with all of our unnecessary baggage. You joined in my nostalgic bliss for a few minutes of pure ecstasy. You let me ride on the carousel three times without complaint. You rode beside me as my knight in shining armor, never failing to come to my rescue. I asked you, “Can we please go on the Carousel one more time? After that I will ride the Ferris wheel, I promise.”
“See you say that now, but I know you. I will get you in that line and you will chicken out.”
“This time I won’t.”
“Yeah, right.”
“You really want to ride it again?”
“Yes! Pretty please…”
After a few moments of reluctance you said I could and that you would protect me because a princess, like myself, needed protection from everything, even myself. When did you stop protecting me? We walked hands holding each other tightly towards the brightly colored horses constructed in a circle. We were going to go riding off into the sunset, so I chose the pretty blue one, my favorite color because it matched your crystal clear eyes. The ride began with a sudden start and the images of large amusement rides began to spin, the bright lights blurred into a mob of colors that started to torment my brain. I looked away form the dizzying colors for my head began to spin with them. I looked back at you the only object that remained clear in my sight, but as I continued to gaze into your eyes you became a member of the mass of tormenting lights. “Are you alright?” you interrogated me as I could feel my face turn green.
“I’m fine,” I lied horribly, but I didn’t want to tell you that the sight of you blending in with the rest of the lights made me sick. You came close to my side and cupped my face in your rough hands.
“Careful you don’t fall off. You look as if you are rather unsteady,” you said in a joking yet caring manner.
“Really I’m okay.”
“Well even if you are I think I will stay by your side.”
“Because there is no where else I want to be…especially on this spinning death trap.”
I gazed back into your Safire eyes as the other colors began to take their form again and the joy ride slowed to a stop.

The clouds began to form over head. We left the carnival as the wind pushed the leaves too and fro in a never ending whirlwind of confusion. As after every storm the sun rises again to shed new light on the wind blown leaves.

The leaves traveled with the breeze to a new place. They found another location to take refuge, forgetting the old life they once had. I hope you awoke to hear the final sounds of the engine turning around the corner and I hope you felt the breeze that took me away from your dangerous arms; you will not stalk me as a ghost in the night.

You let me move away. If you had followed you would’ve played your tricks on me. As a clown you would’ve juggled your words and attempted to convince me to let you in and give you another chance. But you let me go.

You hardened me against the world and I am no longer the naïve little girl who followed you blindly. I have grown. Even though you once thought it right to protect me from the sun I grew out of your reach to see what light I was able to. The sun has shown me how to grow and see that the place I was rooted in was no longer where I needed to be. I left that little shack on Dreary Lane. The shudders were falling off the house even though I told you to fix them. You listen extremely well, by the by.

I will follow the breeze to a new place. The wind shall take me and there will be no obstruction in my path. No great oak shall block me from the sun ever again. When the strong wind blew the oak door shut you awoke to its echoes throughout the house.

The rundown Shack I called my home. I will no longer live there, for this is my solemn vow to you and the vermin closely related to yourself; you shall no longer haunt me. The echoes of the wind will whistle in your perfect ears for many years to come, but there will be no tormenting sounds that ring in my head. Only peace.

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