Hello, My Name Is ________

March 9, 2008
By
I’ll never be the kind of girl that you like. No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be what you need.

You want outgoing?
Call me introverted.

You want trusting?
Hi, my name is jealousy.

You say you ‘love’ me for who I am and then you say I need to change. Nice to meet you, hypocrisy. Everything you would put into your ‘dating profile’ video (if you had one – or maybe you already do, hell if I know) is the exact opposite of what I am. I’m slowly learning that opposites don’t attract, despite what people say. Hello, my name is disappointed. People should wear name tags for all of their personality traits; we should put the “Hello, my name is _____” people out of business. That way, when you meet someone with “Hello my name is easy,” you’ll know that it’s true love. Then everyone would be happy; you could ride off into the sunset with your new flavor-of-the-second and just forget I ever existed.
Perhaps then I could move on with my life and forget that you ever existed as well, because as of now you aren’t letting that happen. You stick around, taunting me with the fact that you’ve moved on – that you no longer need me. I sit here, day by day, hanging on your every word. Sometimes, I sit in my room and I write you letters laden with hopeless groveling. I tell you how I need you and how much I miss your touch. Hello, my name is pathetic. I write each one, and then I ball it up and throw it away – none of them are ever good enough to send. I can never find the perfect thing to say – the perfect phrase to make you need me, too. Maybe I don’t need you, though. Maybe I just need to be needed. I’m the kind of girl who falls in love with a smile. I just need someone else to smile at me. Or maybe I need you to smile at me, just one more time. Hello, my name is indecisive. If only you knew how confused I was, if only you could understand. I’ve spent all of my energy hiding my tears and tattooing fake smiles to my face instead of making you understand how I feel. Then again, how could I ever make you understand why I’m not even sure of how I feel myself? How can I expect for you to sympathize with my pain when you don’t even know I’m feeling it? I’ve built a fortress around my heart and that’s not your fault. Maybe if I just told you that I need you, told you how much I love you, then maybe you’d come back to me. Hello, my name is I-just-can’t-move-on. My life has become a crossword, and 4 Down asks for an eight letter, three word phrase for how I feel about you.

My only question: Is the second letter an L… or an H?





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