If We Had Never Met

March 8, 2008
By Chloe Lozier, Coronado, CA

What if we had never met?
What if I had never encountered you before? Never seen your tall frame, your charming smile, you light brown hair, and your deep piercing blue eyes, blue as the ocean that I see each day, casting a thounsand ships off into the unboundless sea. I don't know if I could go my whole life without seeing your handsome face, sometimes framed my your "superior" silver brimmed glasses, or contagious sense of humor, and your relaxed sense of ease as you carry on a conversation with me. I don't know if my life would be completely the same without your presence and your guidence.

You showed me so much as i began to be more comfortable with you, feeling you near me, and that one time I touched your hand.You taught me to be more confident with myself, to go for all the stars in the sky, and I came to understand that a person like you is rare, "a gentlemen of modern age", so kind, so down to earth.I'm now letting you know as I end this poem, that if you didn't get a clue of how I feel about you and the impression that you made on me,well you did. And for that I am eternally graateful. Hopefully someday when our paths cross, you will see that you feel the same way about me.

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This article has 1 comment.

NickyJ BRONZE said...
on Mar. 10 2012 at 2:19 pm
NickyJ BRONZE, Hyde Park, New York
1 article 0 photos 138 comments

Favorite Quote:
“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” ~Robert Frost

Gotta say, I can't stand how you structured this "poem". It looks and reads more like a wall of text or two un-indented paragraphs.

Structuring aside (although still very important. You should re-think how you structure your poetry), as well as ignoring the various spelling mistakes and basic punctuation problems, I can't say that I like the substance of this poem. The cliches run rampant and theres nothing memorable or special that you leave the reader with, except a headache because of way you designed the structure. It's too short a poem to be bunched up in blocks of texts the way you have. Not onlyis it easier on the eyes but it gives the reader more of an incentive to READ the poem, regardless of how good the content is.

Overall, this needs work. Don't stop writing, but make sure you start evaluating the mechanics of your work and take the time to revise mistakes before you send it out for people to read.

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