Sarah... Please

March 6, 2008
By Angie Troyer, San Antonio, TX

“Sarah... please,” his voice pleading, “Just talk to me. Sarah I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Sarah, please just answer your phone and talk to me.”


I moved the phone from my ear and set it one the bed next to me. He was so- ah! There were not words for him. Why was I so lost over him, he had done one of the most deplorable things and I couldn’t stay mad. I couldn’t bring myself to hate him.

Love have that heart stopping, forget how to breath, cant remember your name kind of effect on me…especially when it came to him- Adam Dawnson, the reason for my exasperated state- my one true love and boyfriend- husband if he could get his way about it.

The phone pulsed and gently moved across the bed covers. I sighed, “No time like the present right?”

“Sarah? Sarah, I know you answered this time. I think you did…Sarah; I’m going to go crazy! You were so calm, to calm. It was like you knew what I was going to tell you and you just sat there stating vacantly back at me. No emotion in your beautiful eyes. Baby please just let me know that you’re alright. Sarah, baby, sweetie- please just let me know that your there.”

I snapped the phone shut, his soft voice still ringing in my ears. Swiftly the hot salty tears filled my eyes threatening to overflow and drown me again.

The phone began vibrating again in my hand, the screen on the front lighting brightly to reveal the identity of my caller. Glancing down, already deciding not to talk to him I read the screen.

Jesse. Why was she calling? Was I not clean enough when I told her that I never wanted to talk to her ever again?

“What? Did you call to remind of the infidelities that you hold? Why can’t the two of you just leave me alone?”

“Sarah, what do you want from me?”

“I want you to leave me alone!”

“I’m sorry. It was stupid-“

“Stupid? There’s an understatement. Gee, Jesse I’m so sorry that you think I’m mad at you. Jesse- I’m just so happy. You’re my best friend, what’s mine is yours.”

“Sarah, calm down. It’s not like I killed anyone.”

“Oh. I am being slightly rash aren’t I? I apologize. Why ever should I be upset with you? You only screwed my boyfriend after he purposed to me. Yeah – no reason to be upset.”

“He purposed to you?” Her voice broke slightly.

“Yes. I had called you to ask you to be my maid of honor while you where sleeping with him,” acid coating my every word.

“Sarah,” She was crying, I could tell but I couldn’t help it, I was furious, tears streaming down my own face.

“Jesse let me make this clear for you; you are no longer my best friend. You are no longer me friend. Adam is no longer by boyfriend. You two can go do whatever the hell you jolly well please. I don’t care. I never want to hear from either one of you ever again. Clear?”

“Sarah, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. Sarah he was high, I was out of it. Sarah I’m so sorry. I never should have gone out with him when he called me,” Jesse was sobbing.

My voice caught, icily, “He was high?” fire edging through me, “Your lying. He wouldn’t. No. Jesse, please tell me you’re lying. Jesse,” my voice shook and tears ran freely from my eyes.

“Can I come over? Sarah I know you hate me, but I think you need someone there with you. Please,” she asked, the concern sounded genuine.

“Yeah- sure, the backdoor is unlocked. I’ll be in my room. Jesse?”

There was only a dial tone. I was empty, my voice blank. Looking back it was denial. The signs where there, I just never wanted t admit it so I pretended they weren’t.

There was a soft knock on the door and Jesse walked in followed by Adam.

Anger shook me again releasing a new wave of fury, “Get out, I hate you! I never wan to see you again! Jesse how could you? No, leave now.” I was vaguely awake of the fact that someone was holding me, my entire body quivering, sobs pulsing through me.

“Shhh, it’s OK. Everything is going to be OK, Angel. I’m here its OK. Shhh,” he was holding me, safely in his warm arms, his voice so smooth and soft.

“Adam,” I choked on his name, “You slept with my best friend after you asked me to marry you. Can you see why I hate you?” My last words triggered another round of sobs and hysteria.

He just sat there holding me, rocking me back and forth in his arms as I continued to bawl. His breath was cool to my cheek as he whispered in my ear, “Sarah I love you. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I love you, my angel.” He stated to sing our song humming the lines that I normally sang.

I was relaxing, gaining control. I stopped crying and focused on matching my breathing to his slow steady heart beat.

“Adam,” my voice no more than a faint whisper, “You where high.”

“I know sweetie. It was stupid.”

“You promised!” Again with the tears, “You swore to me. You promised. I told you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and you go and smoke a joint…am I not enough to make you happy? Do you have to be high to love me?”

“No. Not at all Sarah, not be silly. I love you, no matter what. Sarah, I need only you to be happy.”

“Broken promises and empty words, Adam I want to believe you but-”

“Sarah, my god. Go easy on him,” Jesse sighed, “He got high. So what, it’s not his first time and it’s not going to be him last. Grown up and deal with it.”

I felt the heat travel to my cheeks, “That’s where you’re wrong Jesse,” I said allowing the acid in my voice to drip from her name, turning back to look into his pure ocean blue eyes, “It was his last time if he loves me. I’ve been nice and I’ve tired to be understanding about it. I’ve never liked it but I thought he would be able to give it up with out me making ultimatums. If you love me, and you really want to spend that rest of your life with me, I need you to see why I don’t want your getting high any more.”

He simply blinked back the tears that where welling up in hiss clear eyes, looked into my eyes and stated, “You are my life and your wish is my command. Never again shall I be the reason for your tears,” and with that he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine.

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