I Am Here, I Am Alone, That Is All I Know

March 3, 2008
By Katie Knapik, Elyria, OH

It’s dark, so dark. Why can’t he see? I try to move my hands but they are tied. My feet won’t move. I shout and curse and scream, but no one comes. I am alone. My thoughts run rapid, uncontrolled. I don’t know how this happened. Think, just think! I am here, I am alone, that is all I know.

Saturday, I believe it is Saturday. No, maybe Sunday or Monday perhaps? Where was I yesterday? Did I go out with my friends like every other weekend? It has to be Sunday. I was with my friends yesterday. What did we do? OH GOD! I can’t think! I must calm down. Ummmm…school…Monday…what did I do? Who cares I need help! Where am I!? Can no one hear me? I just gotta calm down. Someone will come looking for me. I can’t remember much. I'll think about school. That should be easy.

School, school, school. Monday test. Um…math test. I did badly on it. I fell at lunch and food was all over me. Boy was embarrassed. Was that a smile? I don’t know. Tuesday, I went out with Alex. We went to umm…a restaurant. I cannot remember the name. Wednesday, Wednesday…work? Thursday was taco night at home. My mom forgot the sauce. YES! I REMEMBER! Now Friday. Another date with Alex. We saw a movie, I can’t remem…oh um, and it was a comedy. Saturday mall. I think. Sunday, Sunday? Why can’t I remember Sunday?

Maybe I should try to scream again, move again, see again. GAH! No one hears me, I cannot move or see, I can’t feel. WHY?

Shhhh…I hear something. Voices? Yes! Voices! Someone is coming! I can’t understand what they’re saying. It is muffled. I scream again. They don’t hear me. I hear a screech. Crying, there is crying. A voice saying “Yeah that’s her.” Another screech and silence. So close. I’m tired now. I must rest.

Awake now. I think I am awake at least. It’s still dark. I’m scared. I feel different though. I can hear more voices and crying. I have to get up. I know screaming is useless. Is there hope for me? Wait…is that a kiss on my forehead? I think it was! Is that good or bad?

Silence once again. No movement, no anything. Wait. I think I am moving. Not my body, but moving. More crying, a voice. What is it saying?

“Ashes to Ashes. Dust to Dust.” Oh…no…I’m…dead? This is a mistake! This is impossible. Sunday? What happened Sunday? An accident. I remember.

I was driving back from a friend’s house. I drove down a deserted road as a short cut to make curfew. A pop from the front left tire left me stranded and screwed. Someone came down the road and pulled over to help. He took out a jack and I see it come toward my face. I blacked out. That is all I remember.

I am at my funeral, I am dead, I am alone, that is all I know.

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