Utter Disbelief

February 14, 2008
By Stephen Nolan, Ft. Riley, KS

“I never thought I would be standing here telling you this but I now pronounce you man and wife. I gave a sidelong glance at my best friend and his new wife.” The congregation laughed and applauded as the finally married Mr. and Mrs. Jeffery Rannan walked down the aisle. “Their relationship and I use that term lightly, started in the sixth grade when Dana moved to our school.” I began later on at the reception for the wedding toast “Jeffery pined after her for years and finally in the twelfth grade it paid off when he finally got the girl of his dreams to go to prom with him. In fact, I still think he has those pictures in his wallet. The dating couple went long distance during their time at college. I still don’t know how Jeffery got through college, he ran up a phone bill as big as his tuition, and when he wasn’t on the phone with Dana, he talked my ear off about her. I think I know more about Dana than Dana does. After college it was on again off again for years. While I was away in seminary, Jeffery proposed and they became engaged. This is the first engagement I’m talking about by the way. Constant bickering ended that one, and they decided to ‘take a break’ from each other for a few months. We all remember how that one worked out don’t we? They couldn’t stop asking about each other, and finally we middle men, Remember John?, were forced to tell them to get back together. We couldn’t take it anymore.”
The crowd roared with laughter and I grinned at Jeffery and Dana who were sheepishly blushing. “After the second engagement, which ended when the wedding was postponed for the fifth time because of business meetings, the couple finally got engaged for the third and hopefully final time. However this engagement lasted slightly longer than most. Jeffery’s laid back, and I do mean laid back, If Jeffery had a quote it was this ‘Does it require effort? Then why do it?,’ attitude ensured that the wedding didn’t happen for a while. Dana’s career didn’t help much either. But finally folks after watching this roller coaster of a relationship for a while now, we finally have Mr. and Mrs. Jeffery Rannan.” There was a thunderous amount of clapping as I waited to continue speaking. “And furthermore, it is 55 years to the day that Dana joined our class, Jeffery picked a day he could remember easily. I guessed Jeffery proved us all wrong. Pining and Stalking can get you a girl after all.”

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