Weighted by Stones

February 14, 2008
By Jenny Walker, Ravenna, OH

My heart is feeling as if it's weighted by stones. Stones so heavy, that they're ripping my heart from my body, to the pit in my stomach. This torture is too much, I can't handle it anymore...but I do. Everyday I wake up, shower while closing my eyes, dress and keep my sight directed right to my wall. I never dare my eyes to look down, it's not allowed.

I have feelings, just like everyone else that exists. I am mostly like everyone else, but I have a little more flesh then the average girl. The flabs of fat bunch near my already extended jeans. I pinch them between my short, stubby sausage fingers. I bite my lip hard. A metallic taste fills my mouth. It's blood. Red, crimson blood is filling my mouth. I go into the bathroom with my fingers still pinching some rolls on my stomach. I spit the blood into the pearl colored sink and raise my head to look into the mirror.

Ugly is sketched on my forehead. No one else can see it, but I can. I get closer to the mirror to observe the face I was so unlucky to be born with. My second chin hangs there. Useless excess skin. I close my eyes, blocking out the uglieness. I'm tired of seeing it everyday.

My mom is yelling for me to come downstairs. I have exactly 5 minutes to be ready for school. I brush my short, brown hair until I can run my fingers through it. My teeth are brushed and white. I don't even bother putting makeup on. It's useless. My mother insists on telling all of my female relatives to get me makeup for Christmas. "Oh Mady, it can't hurt to put a little bit of eyeshadow on, now can it?" I stare at her and sigh. "No mother, never." I continuesly tell her that, she smiles and shoos me away. Her daughter must disgust her, secretly.

I hear her yelling again. A few curse words are used in the sentence. I am to get down there in 30 seconds. I am already dressed. An XXL tan shirt with two brown rabbits on it, size 18 blue jeans, green socks, and converse. I rinse out my mouth and move away from the mirror. I go out of my bathroom and out of my room. My feet carry me downstairs and into the large kitchen. My mom is sitting at the table, tapping her fingers. My dad is seated beside of her, reading some Xbox magazine. "Mady," he says, "Try to take lighter steps, you vibrate the house." I ignore him and grab my bookbag. "Richard, shut your mouth." my mother says and stands up. "Ready sweetheart?" I nod my head and she goes outside. I follow behind her. She gets in her small car and I get in beside of her. I close the door and stretch out the seatbelt to fit around my stomach and waist. The whole thing is almost used, I feel so disgusting and gross. I hate this routine everyday. Mother starts the car and turns on the raido. A Queen song comes on. "Fat Bottomed Girls" is playing. I cough and my mother quickly changes the station. We arrive at school and she gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and I get out of the car. I walk up towards the school. Kids are snickering near me, looking at me, making fun of me. I feel humilated already. A day in hell is soon to come, soon to endure. I hold my bookbag and walk in. Watch out, the Fat Girl of Moorsbrook High is coming.

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