February 5, 2012
I finished off the last of my Frappucino and headed to my office. I sat in my chair and turned on my computer. I was eager to get to work on my novel, despite the fact that I hadn't slept well and was very tired. I typed in my password and clicked on the word processor. I waited a moment but it didn't open. I clicked it again and it still didn't open. I tried again and again but still it kept my work hidden.

"Come on you stupid computer!" I shouted.

"Who you callin' stupid?" I looked up in surprise at the sound of someone else's voice. I lived alone and the doors were locked, who had spoken to me? I turned back to the computer and the screen had gone black except for three pixelated lines that formed a frowning face. I laughed a little at the sight.

"Are you talking to me?" I joked.

"Yeah I'm talkin' to you," it replied, angrily. I nearly fell out of my chair.

"What? Why are you talking to me?"

"Well someone has to talk to you! Talk some sense into you!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're driving me crazy! I can't keep these hours the way you can! Everyday you get up at eight o'clock and come in here, wake me up, and start working on that book. Then you work non-stop for hours and hours, talking to yourself, and laughin at stuff in your head! You only leave for an hour to do pilates and eat some rice cakes and then you're back in here pounding away on my keyboard and never giving me a break all day!"

"Well I'm working - "

"This is not working, this is obsessing. You're not a normal human being!"

"Well what do you know? You're a computer."

"I've been on the internet. I know things about people. You never go anywhere. You're always working on that story."

"Hey! Shut it you ungrateful computer! What do you think paid for you? What supplied the money for you, and the house you live in, and the internet you apparently enjoy browsing, and the electricity that keeps you alive? Huh? These stories do so get used to it!"

"Hey, I don't have a problem with you working. I have a problem with this non-stop manic insanity writing! Staying up all night, waking up early - I need a vacation!" I suddenly felt badly for overworking my poor computer.

"Well, I'm sorry, I didn't know that you were sentient."

"Well I am, and it's not just about me either. Go outside, look how pale you are."

"I like being pale!"

"Seriously, get a hobby outside the home. Go hang out with someone."

"I suppose we both could use a break." It smiled.


"But I need to work on this part so could you please open the word processor?" It sighed.

"You need to go to writing rehab."

"Maybe that will be my hobby." With that I was back to work, but I quit early that day to give the computer a break, silently hoping that my pen and notebook wouldn't give me any lip.

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