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Squidish

"Alright Ms. Raven, just relax and count backwards from 100," the nurse said, placing the mask over my face.

"Ninety-nine, ninety-eight," I began as the doctor entered the room. He wasn't the doc who was supposed to remove my gall bladder but I didn't take much notice of it. "Ninety-seven." Then I was out.

I woke somtime later in a recovery room. I reached for my abdomen and felt gingerly around the bandages and stitches. I felt none. I searched more but still found none. I reached for the call button with my other hand, and was shocked to see that my left arm had been replaced by something horribly unexpected.

I began to scream extremely loudly. The doctors and nurses rushed in but I never stopped my shrieking. They tried to calm me but I just stared at my new apendage and screamed.

"Calm down Ms. Raven," the doctor who was not my doctor said. "What's the problem?"

"What's the problem?" I shouted in angry disbelief. "What do you think my problem is? I have a tentacle!!!"

"Yes, the surgery was a complete success."

"What are you talking about? The surgery was an utter failure!! My gall bladder is still in and my arm has been replaced by an alien limb!"

"Actually," one of the nurses said, "it's not from an alien, it's from an octopus."

"Well it's alien to me!" I replied, with not just a little bit of irritated sarcasm in my voice. The not my doctor doctor was reading my chart with a look of great concern of his face.

"Oh dear," he said, "something is not right here."

"Really? Does it have anything to do with my tentacle?!" He nodded seriously.

"Yes, it has everything to do with your tentacle. Apparently you are not my patient. The transplant you recieved was supposed to go to a five limbed squid, a pentapus if you will. He wanted the sixth tentacle for purely asthetic reasons, so that he would fit in better with the other squids. They must have gotten you two mixed up."

"How in the name of all the gods, could they have confused me with a squid?"

"Well, you do have certain squidish qualities to your face." The others nodded their agreement.

"Look, I am not squidish. I am not a squid, but it's harder to dispute it now that I have this tentacle - thing!"

"Well maybe they did it purpoosefully because they didn't like you because you shout too much."

"I WOULDN'T BE SHOUTING IF I WASN'T PART SQUID!!!"

"Geez, it's just one arm. Don't be such a drama queen."

Needless to say, I didn't get my arm back because the doctor put it on the squid and he was long gone into the depths of the ocean. Interestingly enough, my new apendage functions on its own, and is quite friendly, (it also makes fantastic lasagna). We have become close friends and I am currently helping it run for mayor. It is very popular is the polls.





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