My name is Dr. P-Pie Jones; I reside in a shack in the Appalachian Mountains. As you can guess I am a doctor, know I am not a regular doctor who works on people, I work on pine trees. I find that I have a lot in common with them. We both have rough skin, and we have no one. My past has not been the best, and if you had to guess, you would not get it. I was not raised by a normal family, I was raised by badgers. The weird thing was that they drank whiskey like humans do. If you know how people act drunk, it’s nothing compared to a drunken badger. My mom was the only person in my family that didn’t drink. Because I was raised by badgers, no one can understand me, which is another reason I work on trees and not humans. My language is my own, which is why I have an interpreter typing for me know. My best qualities are my teeth; that are yellow as gold. I also have the ability to catch a rabbit with my bare and hands and eat it. Yum Yum!!! I do not have a bad quality at all, no matter what I look like. My hobbies are hunting, fishing, and digging holes. I am a mix of redneck and badger, which is a weird combination, but hey you can’t choose your relatives. I have this unique secret that I am part badger, and to mate with my ladies I have to pee on them. But after I do that they break up with me. Well to recap on my life I grew up in a hole with a family of badgers and all we did was dig holes. One day, when I was 12, a hunter came and murdered my family. I was so depressed that I tried to attack him to defend my family. He calmed me down and made me his son. I grew up with him, and that’s how I live in a shack. He got me a pet badger for my 13th birthday, to sort of say he was sorry for murdering my family. I named her Momo, after my lost sister, who was 2 when she died. I am now digging a hole all the way to China, but that will take some time, so in the mean time, I am raising my badger army, and working on the trees.
Dr. P-Pie Jones
January 17, 2012