Memories Never Fade

January 8, 2008
By Tiana Gaa, Skokie, IL

The room brought back so many memories-so much happened in here; she could still feel the presence of all of them as she walked around the room. She looked at the corner, the one where the big window was. That's where the bed used to be. If she listened closely, she could still hear her mother's voice.
"Honey, it'll all be fine. We'll all be fine."
"Mom, you're sick. Really sick."
"I've been sick before, it's nothing we haven't dealt with. You know what i mean jelly bean?"
"'s different this time."
A long sigh. "We'll be okay. We can get through this."
Did it really happen that long ago? It seemed like only yesterday. F**k, standing in this room i seemed like it just happened. The words still seemed to hang fresh in the air. She turned and faced the door that opened into the bathroom. She open the door, walked in and looked into the mirror.
"Here honey, help me with this."
"With what?"
"I just can't get this on right. Does it look okay?"
"It looks fine mom."
"But i mean, can you tell? Can you tell that it's a wig?"
"Nope, not at all."
"You're not just saying that, are you?"
"No mom, i promise."
She wondered what happened to that wig. Her mother looked beautiful in it, but she hated it. She never wore it. It was most likely the fact that she just had to wear a wig in the first place. Well, it started out with just having to wear that, then it was other stuff. Like oxygen tanks.
"I really wish that i didn't have to carry this big thing around."
"Well, wouldn't you rather carry it and be able to, you know, breathe?"
She had let out a little giggle. "Well, yeah, i guess you have a point there."
"Yeah ma, it's not that bad. Look, it even comes with a case to carry in it."
"An ugly case."
"Oh come on mom, what do you want? Do you want me to go and get you a big Gucci case for your oxygen tank?"
"A Gucci case?" She had started laughing.
"Yeah, you'll have the most stylish oxygen tank in town." Their laughter had filled the air.
She took another look around the room and started to feel the tears stinging behind her eyes. This is exactly what she didn't want to happen. She wanted to be able to be in this room without breaking down. But she guessed that probably wouldn't be happening. not anytime soon at least. This held so much for her. It brought back so much. The stillness once no one occupied it anymore-the eerie quietness. How empty it felt once they had cleared everything out. It was so hard being back in here, she could've never have imaginied.
"Hey sweetie, you ready to go?" She turned to see the tall man standing in the doorway. She has almost forgotten that he was here.
"Um, yeah. I think so."
He walked over to her. His hands found their way to her shoulders, squeezing gently. "Are you...are you okay?"
"Yeah, i'll...i'll be fine." his arm was around her as they both started to leave the room. She turned to look at the room one more time.
"Honey, you'll all get through this. You'll all be fine without me."
"No, no we won't."
"Don't say that, yes, you will."
"I just really...really don't like the fact that you're not gonna be here anymore."
"Honey, i'll always be here with you, always. Right here." She tapped on her heart. "Always."
"I love you mom."
"Love you, never change."

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