Before You Speak

January 7, 2008
By Jaime Shaw, Clarkston, MI

All this happens before you speak.
Ryan sits in his now dark bedroom. His life had been perfect, and no one could deny that. He had the perfect job, the perfect girl and even the perfect body. From high school and into college he had been the big man on campus. Today that façade faded behind a very somber mood.
Ryan has been riveted to the screen for hours. His tall muscular body is hunched over in the computer chair. His usual bright blue eyes fizzled to more of a gray with the news he was now reading. His dusty blond hair with short curls now fell flat against his head. The dismay and misfortune he felt transferred through the phone as he talked to his one and only.
“Hey darling… No, I’m fine I just woke up actually…” he lied not wanting her to know the truth. “No, really it’s nothing babe… Well some guys started a bunch of rumors about me on my forum…I promise honey I won’t listen… yes I will see you soon… I love you too, bye” How does she do that? It’s almost like she is in my head. And, why does she press the matter I didn’t want to talk about it? He questioned to himself.
He rips the batteries from the phone, not so he can’t be reached but because the off button is permanently indented into the phone. With his fiancé approaching, he returns for a split second to the screen in disbelief, before he quickly ran around his apartment to clean up before his one and only arrived.
Yesterday seemed so distant from his crashing world of today. He thought he was over his past and ready to face his new and bright future but this news hurled him back to middle school with great force. Rehashing all the dilemmas he faced as such a small child. Before he attained his well sculpted body he was a little overweight. He was picked on constantly during his middle school years. He had moved on and began to build a life of happiness, but this Bronchowarrior369 only brought back the insecure feelings and suicidal thoughts that had plagued him for so many years. He was jolted back to reality knowing that Kiley was on her way.
Kiley frantically raced over to Ryan’s small apartment. Her long black hair was straightened and pulled back into a ponytail. Her freshly painted nails gripped tightly on the steering wheel. How could someone do this to him? I am sure that he is fine but what if something happens? I don’t want him to do something stupid. She thought as she pressed the gas petal to the floor.
Each comment on the thread made him cringe with an overwhelming sensation to punch a wall. How could they do this to me? Will any one come to my defense? Page after page appeared of so many people spreading rumors and lies. People he doesn’t even know are giving out false personal information. There were few that differed from those posted by Brochowarrior369.
Bronchowarrior369: if this guy has a four-pack by the end of his cut I’ll make a video of me kissing a dog.
Brochowarrior369: this guy is so ugly he will never get a girlfriend or even get married for that matter.
Brochowarrior369: this fat guy started using when he was only fifteen. No wonder he is so huge! No one on earth could ever acquire that naturally.
All the others followed suit and just agreed with minimal addition to these idiotic posts. None of Ryan’s friends had posted and he was beginning to think that they never would. The door bell rang giving Ryan a couple hours of freedom from that unforgivable screen.
While she was there they played they’re usual games of chasing each other around, watching TV, and talking each other to death. They could talk for hours about nothing at all, which is what he loved most about her.
“So what did you think of me the first day we met?” Kiley asked innocently. It was hard for both of them to remember the first time they met.
It was a colder day in mid-October three years ago, when he and his power lifting team went out to see the ‘best movie EVER’, “Dawn of the Dead”. They were all excited and ready to walk in when Josh, Ryan’s best friend, was met by his girlfriend at the time, Cara. She had brought her best friend Kiley because she didn’t want to be left alone in a group of guys. It only took one look to see that Kiley was the prettiest girl on campus. Ryan quickly jumped in to talk to her, jokingly saying he saved her from a fate worse than death.
“I thought you were the most amazing girl in the world,” he finally confessed.
“Oh come on! What did you really think of me?” she squealed as she lightly slapped at his stomach.
“You were amazing,” he mused. She continued to giggle and swat at him. “Alright, alright,” he continued. “I thought you were perfect for me, you were quiet and charming the day I met you! You were cute, loved zombie movies and looked drop-dead gorgeous all at the same time. I couldn’t help but fall in love with you.”
During all of this Ryan made sure that he blocked out the horrible rumors and kept up a happy face through out the night. When Kiley had to leave she hugged him and kissed him repeatedly, not wanting to let go. Finally, she pried herself from his strong loving arms and walked out to her snow-covered car. He watched his love back out of the parking space and slowly drive away.
This left “THE Ryan”, as he often referred to himself, alone and thinking about what still crowded the computer screen. More people from the power lifting forum were jumping on the bandwagon to talk trash about him, a person they didn’t even know. The rumors continued to drive the thread filling one page after another. He slumps further into his chair with each post.
With everything beating him down Ryan contemplates the unthinkable…suicide! “What do I have? A fiancé? She could find someone else, someone better. I am not worthy of her. A job? Someone could easily replace me tomorrow. Friends? Online no one came to my defense; which proves they must not care. The world would just be better off with out me.” he thought out loud.
Ryan finally decided he would not give them any satisfaction. He was strong and would live with or with out Brochowarrior369 staring him down through the computer screen. He uploaded the most recent picture of him and Kiley on an amazing beach in Florida; he had the perfect male physique and his girlfriend attracted jaw dropping comments. As Ryan looked at the dark screen the speakers let out an annoying ‘bing’ to signify that some one had entered online or that someone in his forum had added a post. Ryan slowly moved the mouse not wanting to see what was written. To his surprise a familiar name appeared writing;
Counting_on_me743: you don’t even know him. He can bench more than you. and from your lies, I know he could break you like a twig.
A small smile crossed Ryan’s face when he realized who it was. In his mind he won because his friends came to his defense and didn’t care what the rumors said. With this realization Ryan was able to regain the self-esteem he once had. After hitting rock bottom each new post elevated his high and mighty self-esteem.
Demonwiegts642: he has done so much good for this forum he is the best guy here. What have you done? ... No answer… that’s what I thought!
Livingthelife4now: Da-Dada-DAAAAAAA! Misc. to the rescue! You messed with the wrong dog, dog. You goin’ down!
More posts like these continued to flood the thread and reading them brought the sparkle back into Ryan’s bright blue eyes, fading the grey tint they once had and made him jolt back to reality. After many hours of catching up to where he once was, he logged off just as the trashing was being directed at Bronchowarrior369.
Over the next few days Bronchowarrior369 wrote few words in the thread. The video of Bronchowarrior369 kissing a dog was never uploaded, but after the incident a young 25 year old man was found dead in his apartment. The news stations reported that he had hung himself off of his balcony and a mangled computer lay on the ground underneath his hanging body. The reason for his hanging was forever unknown. Bronchowarrior369 was never heard from again.
Just days before Bronchowarrior369 tried desperately to forget the forum and regain the strength he once had. Everyone had turned against him when they found out that he was lying. He tried everything he could to fight his suicidal urges only to find himself in a half-drunken state hurling his computer into the dark abyss that engulfed the world below him. Finally he jumped and was caught by the now taught rope tied to the railings. His body hung in its drunken state for over eight hours before the dawn revealed his ghostly body.
All this happens before you speak!

Similar Articles


This article has 0 comments.

Parkland Book