Perfection and Procrastination

December 31, 2007
By Kirsten Onsgard, Elgin, IL

Once upon a time, there was an infinitely small dot in the infinitely large membrane of the infinitely insignificant third dimension. The Dot felt as though the universe was closing in on it. In fact it was, in a way, because the complete mass of what would, momentarily, be the universe happened to be crammed into the tiny space which was the Dot.
“My goodness!” exclaimed the Dot vivaciously. “I do hope that I may create quite a suitable universe when this pressure becomes too great to bear!”
However, the Dot had been putting off this exploding for quite a while, and God was simply getting fed up with it.
“I set you here to explode!” said the booming voice of God from seemingly no where at all.
“But you also created me a procrastinator!” complained the Dot. “Why in the universe did you do that if you wanted me to explode quickly?”
“Nobody’s perfect,” He replied simply.
So the Dot struggled within itself to overcome these two opposing forces. It was certainly enjoying its free time but did, of course, want to create the best universe possible.
After a few seconds of meditation, the Dot developed a great amount of anxiety. It worried about itself. It worried about free time. It worried about developing a stomach ulcer but then quickly dismissed this idea after remembering that the concept of a stomach would not be created for a long while.
Once this had passed, he wondered if he was suitable enough for the important job of exploding, especially because it hadn’t ever been done before and therefore wasn’t anything to which it could compare itself. So the Dot rapidly developed depression and spent the next few moments contemplating life, or the lack of it.
Yet, soon the pressure became too much to bear.
“I can’t take it anymore!”

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