December 18, 2007
By Ashleigh Woda, Hartland, WI

“Duuuuuuude, hold the vator.” Michelangelo, a seven foot crime-fighting turtle, walked solemnly into the elevator. Michelangelo‘s pulse was racing and sweat was dripping off his face. He thought his world was coming to an end; he was unable to catch the pizza man leaving the lobby.

“Michelangelo, come on down, you’re the next contestant to join the elevator!” A bronzed Bob Barker stood there proudly holding his microphone and a tape recorder. Bob hit repeat. “Michelangelo come on down, you’ve just won the chance to play on The Price Issss Rightttt!”

Michelangelo looked around, his left eye twitching. “Dude, how can everyone be fitting in here? Like, isn’t there, like, a weight limit or something?” Michelangelo looked to his left to see Bob, a light 140 pound man, and Big Black, a close to 400 pound man on his right.

“You callin’ me fat, son?” Big Black raised one eyebrow causing his forehead to wrinkle.

“No dude, not at all.”

Then, all of a sudden, with one swift flick of the wrist, Bob plucked down a curtain revealing a mini sized Plinko board. As Bob plugged it in, the elevator came to a halt. “Oh well. Big Black, you’re up first!”

Big Black stepped over and dropped the discs down the contraption. “I hope I win, son.”

Michelangelo couldn’t wait any longer and he jumped up next to Big Black. “I wanna play dude!”

“No son, step away.”

“Pleezz, I want to win a prize for Cowabunga Carl!”

“Who the hell is that, son?”

Bob Barker, sick of the arguing, whipped out a pizza causing both Big and Michelangelo to freeze. Bob’s tune changed. “We’re gonna play by MY rules, you got it? The first one to eat this will win the prize.”

Big Black was confident. “I got this, son.”

Michelangelo, afraid of losing, threw a shell at Big Black’s head. “I’m a hero in half a shell, TURTLE POWER!”

Big Black shook it off. He saw Michelangelo reaching for the pizza so he quickly untied the bandana around Michelangelo’s eyes causing Michelangelo to go blind.

“Can’t see me now, can you son?” Big Black asked mockingly.

Michelangelo fell to the floor trying to grope his way around. Big Black grabbed the pizza and just as he was about to take a bite, Michelangelo threw his skateboard. Coincidentally, it knocked Big Black to the floor.

Bob Barker got pissed, unplugged the Plinko machine and wound up his microphone cord. “You both lose.” As the doors opened he hit “play” once more. “It’s a BRAND NEW CARRRRR!” Bob smiled and jumped up and down as if he won, threw the tape recorder at both Michelangelo and Big Black, and jumped in the car with “Bob‘s Beauties.”

“Hey losers remember to get your cats and dogs spayed and neutered.”

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