Ophelia From "Hamlet" Talks Back

December 16, 2011
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Laertes, I realize you are just worried about me but I’m 16. I’m not a little girl. I can take care of myself so stop telling me what I should and shouldn’t do.

Geez! Not you too. Does no one trust me? Laertes already nagged me about the whole Hamlet situation, so please Father, let’s not talk about this.

You didn’t love me? Well clearly I’m an idiot for believing you. Or maybe you’re just a psychopath who enjoys using girls.

You really need to make up your mind. Earlier you said that you loved me. Then you said that you didn’t, and now you want to put your head in my lap? What kind of person do you think I am? You can’t keep doing this to me! I’m going crazy because of you. I swear the only way you can make me any crazier is if you kill my father.

Well aren’t you cute with those rude little jokes of yours. You know, if you keep acting like this in front of girls, you’ll be lucky if you don’t end up dying alone.

How have I been doing? I’ve been pretty good, well except for the fact that my father was killed by lover and now I’ve gone insane! So yea, I’m just dandy.

Oh darn, I brought some rosemary for you, Laertes, but I can’t quite remember where I placed it.

Oh so now you love me more than my own brother does? Ha, that’s a laugh. If you loved me at all you wouldn’t have done half the things you did to me. If you loved me would you have toyed with my emotions or kill my father? Yea, nice try but I don’t think so.

Ugh! I wish you would all stop wondering if I killed myself. You want to know the truth? I did kill myself. You want to know why? Well that’s an easy one. I did it because of Hamlet. I couldn’t take one more second of that pig headed fool! At first I was just going to kill him but then I realized they he would probably just come back to haunt me as a ghost and then he would have been even more annoying. So I figured, why not just kill myself? Hamlet wouldn’t be able to bother me anymore and if I get bored, I could always haunt him.

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