The Poop: It was dark, moist, and digestivy, you know, a place to call home. I have been moving through these endless tubes for what seems like a long time. I think I used to be a lowly piece of grain, but look at where I am now, not bad. Suddenly I was flying through the air, I felt free.
Pigeon: I love flying, I just love it! I also love eating and I love hopping around on the ground looking for food. I just got done eating a huge meal of grain I found on the street. I love being a bird because I can just poop wherever, and whenever I want. If I want to poop on myself, I can, if I want to poop on another bird, I can, as long as I have good aim, which I do. I have been practicing my pooping abilities for years. Oh there’s a lucky customer, I’m going to poop on him. After I pooped on him he started freaking out, what’s the big deal?
Wallaby’s hair: Wow what a crazy day! First I was coated in shampoo and washed, then I was dried with a huge thing that blew hot air at me, it felt good. Then next thing I know, I was flowing in the breeze when a glob of poopie landed on me, suddenly the head I’m growing on started thrashing back and fourth harder than a fish’s tail. I thought it felt nice, it was a cool down from the sun beating down on me.
George the Cat: I don’t really know exactly what happened, one moment, I’m trying to chase a mouse that stole my whiskers, the next, my tail has been stepped on by a maniac screaming his head off and running around like a wild monkey.
Random Person on the Side of the Road: I was about to send a sexy picture of me to my girlfriend, when a raving maniac blasted the phone right out of my hand and the picture accidentally sent to my grandma!
Taxi Cab: One morning I was just driving some people around when a dude ran right into me and got up into my grill. I had to slam on my brakes because my driver wasn’t paying attention.
Random City Fountain: I saw that dam pigeon poop on that guys head, I feel his pain because I just sit here all day and squirt out water into a pool and pigeons poop on me all day. Suddenly the guy ran and dunked his head into my water and washed the poopie out into it. I did not appreciate that.
The Chipmunk in the Hole in the Tree: I was sitting there one day, in the hole, handling my nuts, when a bird landed right at the base of the hole. I didn’t know what he was laughing about so I asked him but he didn’t hear so I threw one of my nuts at him. He turned around and told me he pooped on someone’s head and the person freaked out and almost got hit by a car. I’ve always wanted to poop on someone, but I can never get the aim just right. Today my dream came true, I climbed up a branch and pooped right on the pigeon, that’s what he gets for violating my hole.