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The Prissy

There was with us, the Prissy
She looked like angels,
And her voice so sweet,
But a blind man could tell she was quite a sissy
And as we sat there, around that long brown table
She brushed her hair until she was not able.
She wore much pink
And a coat made of mink.
That of her character, one thing we can be sure
She was concerned of hote couture.
Even if a man lay dying,
She wouldn’t be crying,
She would only be worried
That her hair not be hurried.
As the day wore on, and we told all our stories,
She looked more interested about getting to her parties.
But then, as she was filing her nails
She started this tale…


“Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a girl. This girl was a princess. Princess Proper. Her given name, if thou dost need know it was Prim, Prim Anne Proper. She grew up surrounded by money, and good manners, and she got everything she wanted. Everything, but to leave the castle. At the age of thirteen, her parents locked her up in a tower. They said it was to protect her from the cruel outside world, but Prim didn’t believe them. She thought they locked her up because she was too beautiful and too precious. Well, Prim thought on her sixteenth birthday, I’ll just have to run away from this tall tower to see my kingdom.

In the dark of night, she left, wearing her most favorite dress. The sun was high in the sky as she entered the city. She smiled at her people, reveling in the wonder of being out of that dreadful tower. As she smiled her pretty smile, wearing her most favorite pink dress, a cart drove by, and, seeing as it had rained just a day before, it splashed the murky water; soaking the poor princess. She screamed in terror. She was outraged! She was horrified! She was MAD! She trudged on throwing scowls this way and that. Her dress weighing her down, her hair all a mess.

But then, when she felt all hope was lost, she spotted a dress shop. Her spirits lifted! Her thoughts heightened! But wait! Prim Anne Proper does not BUY a dress! Heavens no! Only a wench would do that! Never a princess, so beautiful and kind. A princess would never be so inclined! But her dress was a mess, and so was her hair. What more could she wear?

So she went to the dress shop, and found it teeming with buyers. She asked for the manager! She asked for a clerk! But all she got was “Wait for your turn!” So after hours and hours of waiting, she finally acquired a shabby blue dress (they had run out of pink!).

When she left the shop, she realized she was famished! All this excitement, and waiting she had forgotten to eat! Luckily, there was a small restaurant nearby. She ran in and flopped into a seat. The waiter came by and she ordered a side salad with no dressing, and no cheese. The waiter grumbled and stalked into the kitchen. When he came back, with her salad, it had dressing on it! NOT on the side, ON IT! What did he want to do? Get her FAT? She sent it back. When he returned, the salad had CHEESE on it! Do you have any idea how much fat there is in cheese? She sent it back. Finally, he got it right, but Prim was fed up! FED UP! She stormed out!

As she walked around, she got madder and madder and madder. From the mud and the awful dress, and the lack of food, she couldn’t take it any more. She was seething! Then, when someone in the very crowded streets bumped her, she pulled out an AK47 and killed everybody in the town.

So the moral of this story is: You shouldn’t care so much about what you wear, or how people treat you, sometimes you just need to take a chill pill and forgive people.”

**ALTERNATE ENDING**

So the moral of the story is: everybody should have an AK47. Because, you know, sometimes you just get really pissed off…”



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