Screaming from the pain you lay in your bed. “Just a few more pushes.” You hear the doctor say. Finally after 16 hours of pushing you receive your very first daughter. You name her Oceana because she reminds you of the beautiful calming sea. As you look into her large blue eyes you can see the waves rolling by so peacefully. She is yours to keep and you love her, but as you stare into her dark eyes while she screams for more of your love, the rolling waves suddenly turn into enormous crashing waves that could swoop you up at any moment; you realize that you can’t do it alone, but you have to. One quick word crosses your mind, adoption. You ask yourself about that possibility. Is it your only chance of surviving on your own? You keep asking yourself but you never give yourself an answer. As you go home and lie in your bed you begin thinking about your own childhood. As your mind wanders endlessly you think about your mother. Your mother’s love and how your mom would hold you tight, when you were dejected or ecstatic or just needed a little love. You think about the trips you would go on or even your angst ridden teenage years. As you sit and think so many things come into perspective. As the door knocks and the women in the suit comes in you quickly ask her to leave and tell her she will not be needed.”This baby is mine, I need her” you say. Quickly the woman nods her head in understanding and leaves you with your child and her gently rolling blue eyes.