flames on memories

November 8, 2011
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It was a beautiful house, old and wooden. I remember moving in. I was only six but as it was the first day I set eyes on it, I’ll remember it forever. It was Victorian style, white with the old wooden beams. It was a 15 minute walk from the town, surrounded by fields of corn and cattle. Its gardens full of blossom trees and rose bushes. It’s like something from a fairy tale, a little girls dream.
I’m stood here now, going through the memories, my brother’s first steps, me learning to ride a bike and of course, my first kiss. It was a spring morning and me and my friend, the guy who I loved but was never brave enough to tell, Steven. We were building a tree house in the blossom trees, the pink petals floating around he’d picked me up and we tumbled to the grass, the sun was so bright, made his golden hair glow. I never wanted that day to end. He just looked me dead in the eye and kissed me. He stole my breath, and my heart. He was everything to me but now, I don’t talk to him. I don’t talk to anyone. I don’t want them to feel my pain, no matter how hard they try to get through to me, I just push them away.
The house looks so beautiful, right now, in the dark. Soon to be lit aglow it will be even more stunning. It used to be full of those happy memories, the ones that now haunt me in my sleep. I took one of the gasoline canisters and began to douse everything. I walked into the living room. Ironic really, as that was where the body of my father laid, bloodied, blunt force trauma to the head. He was the first to go. The blood spatters in the carpet, people have tried to wash them away but if you know where to look there still there. I felt tears welling up but I swallowed them back. No more. Not until this is done. I walked on through down the hall, lined with pictures of our now broken family, there once happy smiles just ghosts from the past. I splashed them all. Just wanting to forget.
I walked to the kitchen door, I couldn’t go in. This is where they found my mother’s body, bruised and beaten. He’d raped her here in her own home, whilst her husband lay dead in the living room and her 3 year old sun upstairs asleep. I sprayed as much as I could in there, the image of her body still scared into my eyelids. I went through the rest of the house. I walked into my brother’s room, he was taken, and I won’t ever see him again. His laugh seemed to echo through the house. I finally came to my room. It looked so young compared to me now. It was only a month ago, the murders, but I have changed so much. Pinks and whites filled the room. Minnie skirts and push up bras scattered on the floor. The walls lined of pictures of me and my girl friends, people I never wish to speak to again, then my favourite picture, the one of me and Steven up in our tree house. I wish I never pushed him away, he properly hates me now. I slipped that picture into my pocket; I could never stop loving him.
I finished off the house and walked outside, took a swig of vodka from the bottle I took from the pantry. I ignited my lighter and threw it into the house. It burst into flames. I loved it. I watched every bit of the memories burn but yet the pain still stayed. I chucked the bottle at the house; it smashed sending out an explosion of flames. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks, the pain still as strong as ever.
“I thought I’d find you here” his voice startled me. I spun and came face to face with Steven. His golden hair reflecting the flickers of the flames. I threw my arms around him. “I thought you’d given up on me” I said when I finally found my voice. “How could I give up on you?” I smiled for the first time since the loss of my family. I turned and he wrapped his arms around me kissing my cheek. With the warmth of the fire on my face and him behind me I could finally breathe “I told you I would never leave you” he wisped into my ear. I turned so we were once again face to face. I got lost in his blue eyes and our lips touched, our tongues locked then suddenly it was gone. The pain. I took his hand and we watched the memories burn and the fairy tale house disappear into the darkness of the night.

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