In the cold darkness of night, the stars looked down and laughed at me. Some stay with a sneer, or glare but others pass by quickly, leaving one temporary light that quickly faded. I gazed at their brilliant illumination, jealous. Letting one single sigh out, it took shape and colored itself lightly but still, almost transparent. That too faded away within seconds, leaving no trace behind. The still air was harsh against bare skin. The cold clawing away and breaking what wasn’t already broken. The scenery was dead. Nothing moved but the stars in the sky, but then again they were years away. Lingering here distantly, watching ghost like memories fade away before my eyes. Looking away up toward the sky, knowing none of my memories lie there in the heavens. Yet could I ever be so wrong? The transparent colors bursting in air, the booming sound ringing through my ears and her warm embrace as she clung tightly to my arm. They filled my mind, as did sorrow. I knew this scene wasn’t true. This, was months ago. My throat felt as if it blocked by a hard stone. She left then, and in more than one way. I closed my eyes tight, wishing, hoping, praying to dear god please leave me be. Take these memories as they haunt my being and make sure she’s happy in that island full of angels. Holding back the tears that almost overflow, I clench my fist. I won’t, I promised I wouldn’t. My heart beating hard inside my chest feels like it could stop at any moment. I can’t say that I would mind it either. It didn’t though, and left me to wallow in these memories as I incidentally walked down those paths every day. I turned from this place. Walking the same path she did, I trudged on with the sound of snow crunching beneath my feet. The pain lived on in my heart as I walked. Short breaths holding my tears as I walked. It hurt to not have her. I will live on for her though, I don’t want to and I want to be with her but I will try. The pain spread slowly creeping throughout my body. After five slow minutes of trudging and still getting nowhere, I fell. The snow wrapped my body embracing it. My skin grew cold and my breath light and small depleting to nothing. I looked up at the beautiful stars and heavens, looking for the island of angels where mine is waiting for me. Tears formed and slowly crawled across the cold on my skin. I was smiling at the sight. Things were blurring lights were almost fading and yet the night sky still always, was beautiful. “I am still jealous.” I whispered out with a hoarse chuckle and accompanied by coughing. “I will wait for morning” I told myself in my head. The cold surrounded me like a blanket. I couldn’t tell you how it felt, all feeling was gone. “I will wait for that time.” I said to myself again. I closed my eyes at the illuminated night sky and waited for a morning that would never come.
October 10, 2011