A superhero story

August 31, 2011
By moonman50 GOLD, Castle Rock, Colorado
moonman50 GOLD, Castle Rock, Colorado
10 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Narrator: “We find Badman alone in his cave mixing deadly chemicals together.”

Badman: “1 cup sugar, 3 cups shortening. Mix it all together, throw it in the oven and: MWHahaha!”

Herman Toothman: “Stop right there Badman! I heard what you said!”

Badman (not surprised in the least): “What have you heard?”

Herman: “Umm… Mwhahaha. That’s about it.”

Badman (Angry) : “You said it wrong, it’s MWHahaha

Herman: “Whatever, it shows your guilty!”

Badman: “How? Disturbing the public peace? You’re trespassing.

[A cage falls over Herman]

Herman: “What’s this?”

Badman: “My security system, you didn’t plan just waltz in here to catch me without encountering any security, did you?

Herman: “Umm… actually, yeah.”

Badman: “You remember when I told you about my plan last time I caught you?”

Herman: “Yeah, wait I was going to convict you with that!”

Badman: “MWHahaha, too late, but guess what.”

Herman: “I don’t want to guess ‘what’ I want to guess my own guess. Not have you do it for me.”

Badman: “Just do it!”

Herman: “O.K., what?”

Badman: “That was a lie, I’m not doing it.”

Herman: “Why not? I had plans, based on your fake plan, to capture you!”

Badman: “Well, Herman Toothman, see if you can gnaw your way out of this!”

Herman: “I might not be able to, but my mice friends probably can. (whistles)

Badman: “Oh I forgot to tell you one little thing…”

Herman: “What”

Badman: “The mice in this place have rabies.”

Herman: “Haha, no matter. The mice won’t bite me! I am Herman Toothman, even you couldn’t bite me! Teeth are my pOWer! That hurt!”

Badman: “Starting to eat your words, Herman Toothman? Did one take a large bite out of your leg?

Herman: “No, I just had something fly into my eye.”

Badman: “That’s … What the? Get them off of me! Ouch!”

Herman: “No can do, I’m in YOUR security systems grasp.”

Badman: “Oh yeah.” “But whats this? It’s the rabies antidote right here in front of me, so that at this particular time at this particular moment I could gulp all of it down. (reaches for jug) (sfx Gulp Gulp)”

Herman: “Chug, chug, chug, chug!

Badman: “Now for the rats. My tongue! ”

Herman: “Haha rat got your tongue?”

Badman: “Nnnn, nnnn, ah, there. Now, since you are going to die in hmm about three or four days of thirst I am going to tell you my super secret evil plot!”

Herman: “What is it?! Tell me so I can stop you!”

Badman: “That’s the spirit my boy. But you can’t stop me I’m…”

Speakers: “Na na na na na na na na Badman! Na na na na na na na na Badman!”

Herman: “What was that?”

Badman: “My theme song! You didn’t just waltz in here thinking that I…”
Speakers: “Na na na…”
Badman: “That’s enough for now! Thinking that I, Badman, didn’t have a theme song that would play whenever he was about to say his name, did you?”
Herman: “Umm… Actually, No.
Badman: “Anyways, let me tell you my plan, because we evil super villains always have to tell the good character what we’re planning when the good guy is going to die, so that he can escape and thwart our evil plans.”
Herman: “What’s your plan?”
Badman: “I plan on going debunking in Mount Saint Helens.
Herman: “Don’t you mean spelunking? Debunking is proving something or someone wrong spelunking is to explore caves.”
Badman: “Yes, thank you Mr. Dictionary”
Herman: “My name is not Mr. Dictionary, it is Herman Toothman.
Badman: “Have you ever thought of joining my side?”
Herman: “No, it’s evil. I have sworn not to break the law, in any way, shape or form, even if the one of the laws is a vague idea in a politicians mind.”
Badman: “If I were to convince you that you were breaking the law would you consider it?”
Herman: “Possibly.”
Badman: “What if I told you that you were an unlicensed vigilante?”
Herman: “There is a fallacy in your logic!”
Badman: “What?”
Herman: “I can’t break the law!”
Badman: “You’re using circular reasoning!”
Herman: “No, you are mistaken.”
Badman: “No, you are.”
Herman: “I’ll tell you again, No.”
Badman: “You are wr…
Narrator: “We leave our favorite Super hero and Villain. But we will be back after a WORD from our sponsor.”
Sponsor: “antiparliamentarians”
Narrator: “We’re back. Since we left them, no progress has been made.”
Badman: “YOU ARE WRONG!”
Herman: “O.K. I give up, I will join you.
Badman: “MWHahahaha, Herman has joined me! Security System, off!”
Speakers: “Yes, sir.”
Badman: “I can’t believe I…
Speaker: “Na na na na na
Badman: “ I told you to stop!” I, Badman, got Herman Toothman to join me!”
Herman: “I’m free, just like that?”
Badman: “Yes, now you can help me with my super secret evil plan!”
Herman: “To negative infinitum and below. Wait, why am I not going anywhere?
Badman: “Do you mean, ‘To infinity and beyond?’”
Herman: “Yes, thank you dictionary of modern word and phrase.”
Badman: “Your welcome.”
Herman: “To infinity and beyond! Ouch!”
Badman: “Haha, my ceiling is titanium you can’t break through it. Oh yeah, if you try to escape then I will attack you with sugar and give you cavities.”
Herman: “You know my weakness?”
Badman: “Yes, MWHahaha! Now vacuum the floor while I go rest. One more thing, whatever you do, do not pull the right ear of the statue in the hallway and if you ever do never ever push the red button.
Herman: “Yes sir.”
(Badman leaves)
Darth Hideous: “Psst, pssst”
Herman: “Who’s there?”
Darth: “It’s me.”
Herman: “Darth Hideous! My do you look pretty today.”
Darth: “Be quiet, we don’t want Badman to hear us. Put this on, to disguise yourself as a lab technician. This suit jacket has a computer chip, which confuses the security system.”
Herman: “Fine I’ll put on the jacket.”
Darth: “Now let’s get out of here.”
Herman: “But I wanted to push the red button under the ear.”
Darth: “Don’t push the red button! That’ll probably get us killed.”
Herman: “Fine have it your way.”
Darth: “O.K. lets go.”
Narrator: “They leave and head for Herman’s not-so-secret base.”
Herman: “Why did you save me?”
Darth: “To get information, the bad guy must always tell the super hero his plans. It’s in the evil villains rule book, sometimes reading pays off.”
Herman: “Not for me, it just looks like a jumble of letters.”
Darth: “What did Badman say about his evil plan?”
Herman: “He was planning on going debunking in Mt. St. Helens, but I’m sure he meant spelunking.”
Darth: “Herman you’re not alone, Badman is just as stupid as you!”
Herman: “I’m not stupid.”
Darth: “Mt. St. Helens is an active volcano, he’s going to kill himself!”
Herman: “We better warn him then.”
Darth: “Hahaha, good one.”
Herman: “It isn’t a joke.”
Darth: “How about we don’t.”
Herman: “How about we do.”
Darth: (slaps herman).
Herman: “What was that for?”
Darth: “For disagreeing with me. And I’ll keep on doing it if you don’t agree with me.”
Herman: “Fine, now that my arch nemesis will be dead how about we go on vacation in Hawaii?”
Darth: “Sounds like a plan.”
Narrator: “So Darth Hideous, who is looking quite pretty today, and Herman Toothman, who has the power of teeth, end up in Hawaii.
Darth: “We’ve made it!”
Herman: Darth, look at that volcano, it has scaffolding and giant containers above it.
Darth: “That’s Kilauea.”
Herman: “Let’s check it out.”
Narrator: “One hour later.”
Darth: “Hello, can I ask what is going on with Mt. Kilauea?”
Moleman: “Only if you take your hood off, I don’t like looking at people who wear hoods.”
Darth: “Might I warn you that my name is Darth Hideous”
Moleman: “Mine’s Moleman, you can’t look worse than me.”
Darth: “What is going on?”
Moleman: “This guy named Badman, hired me to guard this mountain, for his super duper really secret plan. Making the volcano erupt.”
Darth: “How do you know this?”
Moleman: “I don’t quite know, I was just placed here to give you information for no reason whatsoever, and when you go to stop Badman you’ll just forget about me.”
Darth: “How did you know I was going to stop Badman?”
Moleman: “Just like I said, I think I was put here to give you information.”
Darth: “But I already knew I was going to stop Badman.”
Moleman: “I guess my whole theory is wrong, that I’m not just a mindless character in someone’s play. This is very depressing.”
Darth: “Well, I can help cheer you up, you can help us.”
Moleman: “You’re making it worse, I wanted so much to be right, I hate it when I’m wrong.”
Darth: “Helping us is better than nothing though.”
Moleman: “I guess you are right, let’s go.”
Darth: “Herman, come on. Herman? He’s not here, I guess that’s why he wasn’t chiming in with his stupid remarks.”
Narrator: “Meanwhile Herman is using his special super power to dig under the barricade.”
Herman: (Chomp, ptoo, chomp, ptoo) “Hey a worm!” (Nom nom nom) “Light!”
Narrator: “While Herman is coming out of the hole, Badman notices and runs to the hole.
Badman: “MWHahaha, I’m going to step on your fingers and you are going to fall down your hole.”
Herman: “Umm… Badman, I’ve already hoisted myself out of it.”
Badman: “Oh, Yeah. What are you doing here and how did you know that I was here? The only person who knows about this is… is… I can’t remember, all I know was that he was a mindless character in someone’s play.”
Herman: “What kind of gave it away was the scaffolding. You are the only person I knew who would put scaffolding over Mt. Kilauea. Listen, it even has the perfect name for you. Kill-You-Waya.”
Badman: “You remember last time I told you my plan? I decided not to do it.”
Herman: “Yes, I can tell.”
Badman: “But I have another plan. Your girlfriend, will come up the mountain, then I am going to order the crane operators to dump the baking soda and vinegar into the mountain.”
Herman: “I’m not falling for your plans again.”
Badman: “This time it’s the truth.”
Herman: “No, it isn’t.”
Badman: “Here she comes. Drop them! MWHahahahahahahahahaha cough cough cough. Wait why isn’t anything happening?”
Darth: “You are as stupid as Herman. You didn’t expect the lava in the volcano to destroy the chemicals did you?”
Badman: “Umm… actually, no.”
Darth: “Good.”
Narrator: “And they all lived happily ever after, Herman also learned something.”
Herman: “Lava destroys chemicals.”
Narrator: “And…”
Herman: “People tend not to notice giant scaffolding above famous tour sites.”

The author's comments:
You might read superhero books, but what happens before our very eyes the battle between good and evil. In this 15 minute play I show just that and how people don't notince giant scaffolding over famous tour sites.

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