September 2, 2011
Once upon a time, yesterday, like a quarter to 6, I was watching TV. I was bored out of my mind, so shut up and stop interrupting me! Like, oh my God. What kind of person does that? Ok, now I’m interrupting myself! Anyway, so I was bored. I went outside and the sun exploded! Not really, just the neighbor’s house. Luckily, the only thing in the house was a very mean beta fish. The water put out the fire. I went back inside and resumed watching Pokemon, ignoring the screams from my neighbors. As I continued to ignore what was happening around me, I got a headache. I ignored that too. “What... the hell?” A blanket just fell off of the ceiling and landed on me! “Savvy?” What the hell? A hedgehog just talked to me! So I ignored the Jack Sparrow hedgehog and continued putting on my lip gloss, even though I’m a dude... don’t ask, it’s called man gloss! So shut the hell up and listen to the story! Gosh! I finally finish putting on my man gloss, and pull my man skirt down a bit. Then, I say to the hedgehog, “What the hell. The neighbors won’t shut up. I could use a gun. Jack Sparrow hedgehog, do you have a gun?”
“Why yes I do,” he says in Russian. Then, he pulls a sub-machine gun out of his pocket. Wait, hedgehogs don’t have pockets! Wait, but this hedgehog has a man skirt. What the hell? So anyway, I take the gun and it accidentally fires. Luckily it hits my neighbor with the mustache the size of Texas right in the ass. “Aw s***!” He screams. Why is he talking about poop? I wonder. Oh well. I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Nighty-night, sleep tight, those bed bugs better not bite, peace out... OBEY the dude with the man skirt, Jack Sparrow hedgehog, and sub-machine gun! ‘Kay, bye.

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