Bunny Slayer

October 8, 2007
By Ryan Huether, West Palm Beach, FL

The thing was angry. Just moments ago I had been minding my own business, studiously hunting Easter eggs; now I stood facing a monster.

It (The creature) was slightly over six feet tall, pink, and had floppy ears. The Easter bunny. He looked over me, his small red beady eyes thirsting for my death. His obnoxious buck teeth had been filed to razor sharp points and glistened in the sun.

I knew this rabbit well. He was a heartless serious killer who preyed upon children and small animals. He was probably the cause of the recent flood of missing pet reports. Yes, I knew him.

I had battled him three years earlier and almost lost my life at the hands of the horrible freak of nature. And now he was back, and was intent on finishing me.

I tensed my muscles. We locked eyes. Suddenly the rabbit leaped at me, its canines flashing in the light. I stared into the gaping mouth of death itself.

Then, at the last possible second I dove out of the way. The bunny flashed past me, missing my jugular by 2 cm. My body hit the ground rolling and I landed in a crouched position. I quickly whipped out my Uzi and let out a barrage of bullets. The bug-eyed vermin’s was soon peppered with holes that leaked out streams of tasty brown fluid. Chocolate.

A look of insanity developed over his face as he glared at me. He solemnly approached me, staggering as he went. His expression seemed glazed by pain.

Suddenly he face flared to life. With one lightning quick swipe he slammed his paw into me, cracking five ribs. My body flew threw the air like a limp rag doll and slammed into the side of a tree one hundred feet away. I grimaced in pain and clutched my side as I arose from the ground; my Uzi was to far away for me to get without the Easter Bunny ripping off my head first.

He had asked for it. I drew my light saber and the blue blade hummed to life. He didn’t stand a chance. Or so I thought.

The evil bunny also drew a light saber from which emitted a long blood red blade.

He ran at me like an enraged samurai and swung a swooping arch at my head, which I intercepted with my blade. I then plunged my light saber at him with all my force. But I had underestimated my opponent’s agility. He back flipped over the blade, rippling the fat on his body when he landed. He lunged his weapon at me. I bent back a far as is humanly possible, straining every muscle in my body. He sailed right over me and in a flash of light I heaved my blade. He landed on his face. He seemed dazed. Tasty dark chocolate began flowing freely around the circumference of his body. He looked down confused, not fully understanding what had just happened. He slumped to the ground, jerking as his upper torso separated from his lower.

I had won. I set a foot upon the creature’s head and let out booming war cry.


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