Forgive Me, Father, for I Have Sinned

September 1, 2007
By Christine Weimer, Howard Beach, NY

SEPTEMBER 2005, Present Day Forgive me father for I feel as though I have sinned. It has been far too long since my last confession.Ó What is it wrong? Tell me why you have come to ask God for his forgiveness.Ó Father, the pain I have caused! The hatred I am the root of! The shedding of tears which I am the source of! ItÕs far too terrible and I couldnÕt possibly imagine Him forgiving me.Ó Please, there is no need to be afraid. He understands it all. Take as much time as you need. Confide and confess in the LordÕs home.Ó OkayÉIt started three months ago. It was a rough time for me since my daughter was now around seventeen years old. She was at that age where love was the high point of her life. Lets just say I was not happy about my little girl growing up so fastÉÓ JUNE 2005, Flashback But mom, you donÕt even know him. How can you possibly say you donÕt like him? ItÕs the year 2005 for god sake! YouÕre being so stupid. I hate you. I hate you!Ó The hatred poured out of Dalia as though hey mother was a peasant off the streets. She just couldnÕt understand why her mother disapproved her relationship with him. She felt it was unfair, spiteful, unreasonable, and stupid.

The sun was blinding that day in June. Bushes of tulips were on every street corner. The sky was a perfect color of blue. Howard Beach was filled with young children eating ice-cream, adults and teens driving around with the top down on their cars, couples sharing shakes in every diner across the city, and any type of beach bum you could think of. It seemed as though it was the perfect day. Dalia, I donÕt need to know this boy to know I donÕt like him. I do know what he did to you and that is all I need to know. The pain he caused you. He stole from us DaliaÉhe forced you to give away any morals you may have had. There was a point where you wanted to kill yourself. A point where you could no longer go on with what he did to youÉyou left your familyÉ you left me for this boyÉ and when you realized what you were doing, you came right homeÉ be smart DallyÉÓ But he changed mom. He isnÕt like that. He returned every ounce of the jewelry he took from meÉand mother those were your morals not mine. Your morals of the Catholic Church mother. Like I said this is 2005ÉÓ Besides that DaliaÉHeÕs an eighteen-year-old boy who has not a clue as to what he wants to do with his life. Both of his parents donÕt care about him. He spends his time having wild parties, getting drunk all of the time. And even worse, the boy works at an ice-cream shop. You think IÕm just going to let you walk out of this house with this boy. Especially after you lied to me Dally. For six months you kept this a secret from me? I couldnÕt be more disappointed in you. YouÕve got a 95 average, youÕre part of every organization in this community, youÕre the head of our church choirÉyouÕre sixteen years old! This boy and you have absolutely nothing in common. You come from two different worlds, Dalia. I canÕt let this go on. I just cant. I canÕt let him try to take you away again. I canÕt let him do it.Ó Her motherÕs high-pitched voice could have been heard from all over the house. Her blue eyes widened and her brown curly hair was a wreck.

Dalia wiped her golden hair away from her pale gray eyes and shouted, That is not true mom. ItÕs not true. I love him. I love him more than anyone else in this world. You couldnÕt possibly understand that. He went through so much just to change for me! For me mother! He has a job and he doesnÕt just work at an ice cream parlor, he works nights too, at his fatherÕs lumberyard. He lives alone and supports himself motherÉ you couldnÕt possibly understand how I feelÉÓ Dalia kept talking but to her mother, all she heard was blah, blah, blah. She didnÕt care what her daughter said. She knew he wasnÕt right for her. She leaned against her cherry wood table in the kitchen and pretended to be interested. She just couldnÕt let her only family leave her again. The pain that boy had caused her. He would only hurt her again. She would never allow it. I donÕt want to hear this garbage any more. I donÕt want to hear it, do you understand me. Now go to that room Dalia Fortunato or IÉÓ I am not a baby mother. You canÕt lock me in my room and expect me to forget and forgive. I am not that stupid,Ó Dalia interrupted. Well with the way your talking, youÕll be surprised,Ó her mother said. Dalia ran up to her room crying. She really did love this boy and she was certain he loved her too. He really had changed. Dalia was not that type of girl. She was sure things were better. She quickly reached for her cell phone and dialed her boyfriendÕs number. Ben! IÕm sorry! I am so sorryÉÓ she began. DaliaÉ what happened? Sorry for what? Tell me what is going on?Ó he said in a panic. What could possibly be the matterÉ she talked to her mother? He thought. She canÕt forgive you like I did. She wonÕt do it Ben. But I canÕt live without you. I just canÕt. I donÕt care what she says. IÕll stay with you. I donÕt care. I want to be with you.Ó Her breathing was so loud and powerful. He could just picture her sitting their, on her bed, flipping out. I canÕt let you do that. Your mother will never, ever forgive me if I let you stay here. SheÕll think itÕs my fault. You know how crazy your mother is. She has a lot going on. I mean itÕs only been a year since your father killed himself Dal. You donÕt know what sheÕs feeling,Ó he said to her as nicely as possible. It wasnÕt that he didnÕt want her to stay with him; he just felt it wasnÕt right. I donÕt care. IÕm on my way,Ó she said quickly. Before he could reply she hung up the phone. Just for one night, he thought. Just one night.

It was raining out and two hours had passed by. He stared out the window of his 1st floor apartment, removing his beige curtains from his view. He stood their staring with his big black eyes, biting his nails.

About five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. He knew it was her. He ran to the door. Even though he was nervous, he was so anxious to have her to hold through out the night. He figured heÕd go talk to DaliaÕs mother in the morning, and explain the whole story. He opened the door and ran his big hand through his brown hair. He looked up at her. Her? Dalia? There was a person standing in front of him. Dressed in a black rain coat. She was looking down. A tall woman, the same height as Dalia. But was it her? Dalia?Ó he asked. There was silence. A rush of worry ran through his head. With a struck of lightning the lights when out. He was standing in the dark now. His only light was coming from the streets. He saw the mysterious person raise her hand to a ninety degree angle. It looked as if she was pointing to him. Her head still down. I wonÕt let you take her again,Ó was all he heard her say. Then from the corner of his eye he saw Dalia running toward him, tears streaming down her face. She was calling his name. Then he heard a clicking sound and looked back at the women. BOOM NOOOOOOOO!Ó Dalia screamed. The woman dropped her gun and ran away. Dalia didnÕt even look at the woman. She ran straight to Ben who was on the floor now. Covered in blood. She lifted his head and placed in it her lap. BenÉ BenÉ Ben wake up. Please Ben wake upÉÓ there was no reply. Then she heard a cough. BenÉ? Ben?Ó she said panicing. Maybe he was alive. His eyes were closed but she heard him gasping. IÉ loveÉ youÉÓ she heard him say. I love you too Ben but please donÕt give up on me. Ben I needÉÓ she realized that the gasping had stopped. There was no pulse coming from him. NoÉ BenÉ oh Ben,Ó she cried. She couldnÕt live without him. She just couldnÕt. But who would do this to him? Why? She couldnÕt understand. She continued to cry and picked up the gun that was thrown by BenÕs deceased body. I love you BenÉ and I always will. IÕll be seeing you,Ó she said softly. She kissed his head and began to position herself next to him. In a laying down position she lifted her skinny, pale hand and placed the front of the gun to her head. With no hesitation, she pulled the trigger.

Everyone knew about both deaths right after the occurrence. But how did it happen? There were no signs and no unusual suspects. Was it suicide? Murder? Neither had enemies as far as the police were concerned. The handprints on the gun matched DaliaÕs. The police came to the conclusion that Dalia shot her boyfriend, and then proceeded to kill herself. But why? Is that what really happened? SEPTEMBER 2005, PRESENT DAY Father I would not talk to anyone about the deathsÉÓ the woman said. And why is that,Ó the Priest answered. Because fatherÉ becauseÉ because it was me,Ó she said lowly. She broke down in tears. There was silence in the confessional booth and the Priest just didnÕt know how to react. You meanÉ you killed Benjamin?Ó he asked her. Father I couldnÕt let him take her away again. I couldnÕt do it. I didnÕt think I would do it though. I didnÕt know what I was thinking. It was an act of the devil father. But I canÕt live with what I have done. The night I planned to shoot him I didnÕt think of Dalia taking any actions the way she did and now the one thing I tried to save is no longer with me. I can never forgive myself for what I have done,Ó she was balling crying now. She knew it would be hard for him to reply. She said, You do not need to say anything father. Just tell the Lord that I am sorry for the sins I have committed.Ó The silence was broken by aÉ Click. Forgive me fatherÉfor I have sinnedÉÓ

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