King Kyle sat in his throne and watched his Dark Knights dance awkwardly in their shinning armor. Now, IÕd like to see a slow dance, with each other,Ó he bellowed to the men. ThatÕs right, and step and twirl and step and spin. Wonderful! HA!Ó King Kyle continued to clap and snicker at his poor knights. He hardly noticed when Queen Teresa began slapping him to get his attention. Kyle! I need a word with you,Ó she said with a glare. Oh, what is it, woman? What is so important that you had to stop my entertainment?Ó There is a dragon loose in your village. It is absolutely terrifying.Ó So?Ó asked the king with a piece of ham in his mouth. Well, it would be helpful if you would send your Dark Knights out there to battle it, instead of forcing them to dance for you.Ó Kyle swallowed the ham and drank four goblets of wine. Are you drinking out of the goblet my father gave us on our wedding day?Ó Teresa screeched. Uh-huh.Ó The queen dug her nails into her hair. Okay. Just please take care of this dragon issue now,Ó she said through her teeth.Ó No way. ThatÕs my new pet, Burney. I got him from this cool guy that I met in the Realm of Forbidden Terrors. I canÕt kill him. HeÕs just so adorable.Ó Adorable, huh? He has killed hundreds of your villagers, including your own parents. What are you going to do about that?Ó I donÕt know. Send them a ham. Wait, no, send them all fruit baskets,Ó the king concluded. Queen Teresa sighed. They are dead. I doubt that they want your ham and fruit.Ó Fine. Bring Burney to me. IÕll put him outside in his cage.Ó That is a dog cage. I donÕt think Burney will fit inside the dog cage.Ó Oh, come on Teresa. You used to be cool.Ó When was I ever cool? Ad how is that relevant?Ó WhatÕs wrong with you? Are you jealous?Ó I am not jealous! I am just trying to keep thousands of peasants from being killed!Ó she shrieked. Whatever. Just tell them to stay calm. Then, I donÕt know, give Burney a treat and tell him to go back to the Realm. He really likes sausage.Ó Just then, an enormous dragon smashed through the rock wall and scorched all of the knights. Good Burney,Ó King Kyle praised. You want a lemon poppy seed muffin?Ó Burney squealed with delight and devoured several lemon poppy seed muffins, and a few jesters. ThereÕs a good boy,Ó said the king. Now your master has to go down and exchange insurance information with the villagers that are still living. Try to be nice to Queen Teresa while IÕm gone. I know sheÕll love you if she can just get to know you.Ó With that, King Kyle left the castle, and Burney flew to another town where he could find fun things to burn with his friends. And though history might have you believe a different story, BurneyÕs pyromaniac breath is what really destroyed Pompeii. Really. He was quite the party dragon.
Good to be King
September 1, 2007