Looking at her picture, you cant even tell that her eyes cry tears he formed with his own two hands. The boy of long ago. The pain she feels, HE created. No longer able to utter his name, for it only brings shame and torturous memories along. Eyes watering, staring at the girl in the mirror.."That's not me." She lifts her shirt..ribs stick out, skin pale and dark circles beneath her brown eyes.. Looking at the counter, is a piece of paper that held a poem she had written and forgotten: "Starve my pain away, make me beautiful, make everything okay, turn my problems into bone, crush them up, gather the remains and blow the dust away.." The picture of a boy next to the mirror, she simply asks: "What is so wrong with me? Why am I never enough for you?" Her eyes fall to the counter..unable to look at the girl in the mirror. She walks to the window and this is what she sees: A warm autumn day. The sky now coated with deep hues of blues melting into faded rose colors..The sun, surrounded by the most intense oranges and yellows imaginable. The autumn season has taken a toll on the branches of the aged oaks..The willows begin to sink even lower with the season aging..Upon the summer horizon lies curiosity beneath the spacious clouds and magnificent skies....The light from the sun momentarily catches the razor, forcing her to notice it's presence. Reliving the last year she realized she lost everything she ever dreamed. This is her punishment. Going back to the mirror, she looks at the picture one last time before she rips it off the wall and shreds it to pieces. Just as he had done with her heart.. As she breathes with relief, her eyes close..and she embraces the temptation. She grips the razor with all the strength she didn't drain from her. Blindly, she stares into the metal between her fingertips. Acting as a mirror, the blade reveals a girl, broken. Looking back, is the girl once, yet no longer, loved. She set the razor over her wrist..metal to flesh once again meet. She closes her eyes tightly, feeling her lashes consume each other. The tears waiting patiently on her eyelids for their turn to fall to the bathroom floor. She began to see images replaying in her head..memories of long ago..a never-ending silent nightmare she's forced to relive. Her adrenaline rushing, once again. Her heart breaking, once again. He left her for a girl she could never compare to. Another girl she could never become. But just as his face appeared in the back of her mind like a snapshot of last summer, and just as she felt the force of the razor about to take away her pain, just as she felt the oxygen in the room grow thin, a white light appeared before her and washed the images away. Out of the light, came a hand. Not caring where it led her, she took it in her own as the razor fell from her grip. Lifting her from the floor, it transformed into a boy. He set his hand upon her wrist and healed each and every scar. He led her into the light and whispered: "I am the light that will forever defeat your darkness. I am love." As she began to walk away feeling as a completely new person, she turned back once more to the light and smiled knowing it would forever be waiting, with open arms. It's falling into dusk now and the colors have disappeared left with only a single shade of blue in their place. The moon beginning to shine upon the faces of night owls and within the eyes of girls waiting for something beyond life itself..
July 14, 2011