Anxiety

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December of 1995

Nobody could have ever imagined such a tragedy, especially involving a youth of this age. She was barely a year of age, and yet she would have to grow up at a faster pace than most toddlers. She would have to learn that just because you have a deformity; it doesn’t make you any less of a person. Ever since that day it was inevitable, she was going to learn the hard way of what criticism can do to a person. Of how it can ruin the very ethics built upon oneself, and destroy any sense of conformity.
While she would grow into an adult, she not only would have scars on the outside giving away her story, she would also have scars on her self esteem from being so different from her friends and family. She would strive to be accepted in this world of gossip and rumors.
It is taught in her therapy sessions that just because she looks different it doesn’t diverse her from anybody else. She would also be taught how to cope with the physical changes. How she’s still the same girl born to the same parents. Another task to accomplish would be to retell her story to all anxious listeners, because there sure is going to be a lot.
Though what the doctors and therapists were never expecting is the one thing she would fall victim to, she would at one point in her life hit the climax of her happiness, and slowly spiral down towards depression. It was not suspected this would happen, given of how old she was when the incident occurred. They believed that she would live a very happy life with the knowledge that she isn’t any different than anybody else.
Sure she would live this way at first, but once the rising action was completed, her life would then seem a lie to her. She would come to realization that they were liars, every last one of them. Her perception would be that they sugar-coated everything in her adolescent years, giving her life the appearance of normality. She would see through the fog and then everything would change in her view.
Suddenly, everyone would turn into the enemy. Every one within her little bubble of safety would become the adversary. Who could she trust when everyone she was close to had lie to her. She didn’t know if there was any way she could confront them of her discovery. What would she do if they denied it?
Would she then have to play it off as a moment of ignorance? No. She would have to evaluate the situation beforehand. Perhaps it would be best if she just didn’t say anything at all. She would have to hide the turmoil running through her mind.
Sooner or later the turmoil would lead into something far worse than anything imagined, it would take her face to face with the monster.

September of 2012

When you look into the mirror and do not recognize the person staring back, you may have a strong urge to call up somebody and tell them you think you're losing it. Others may just think it's a trick of the light and shrug it off. Well, then there are the ones who freak out and smash the mirror into the tiny shreds of glass to small to clean up without getting cut in the process? I'm one of those last people. To settle this I should say; Yes, I am just as insane as you may think. No...I'm much worse. I’m a monster.
Most days feel empty inside. Like my world is a silent abyss. I sit in the lunchroom alone eating in quietness, but I'm not alone. No, I indeed am surrounded by my enemies. Everyone is an enemy; friends are just another poison to kill off the body faster.
My view on life wasn’t always this negative, in fact I used to be the heart of my group, always smiling and eager to lay out the newest joke I heard the other day. I sometimes wish I could forget what caused it to all change, but I fear that is impossible. As the clock ticks on and on I'm soon pulled into the familiar reverie.
"Jordan..." I whisper.
"Yes my love?" he asks.
"This isn't right, I'm not right, nothing is right anymore."
He puts his hand against my pale cheek wiping the lone tear away while smoothing out my worry lines; I stared into his intense eyes.
"Angelica...everything is going to be fine, not perfect, but we can pull through this. I know we can, I have all my faith in you."
Again a tear rolls down my pale cheek. I let out a sigh. I knew he would say this, a half-wit could have seen it coming, yet it still brought on the same wave of emotion.
He kisses the third tear away with the grace of a cobra attacking his prey.
I always loved his ability to make me blush at the worst time, but at this moment I hated it with a passion.
The blush filled my cheeks like the flowing of a river, reaching every square inch from nose to ear.
"Awe...are you okay my love?" he asked stupidly.
Of course I was okay, I was absolutely marvelous. No one else on this earth could feel the way I did when he kissed me. I soon felt the other wave of emotion coming, this one was more of a raging ocean ready to strike and nothing was getting in its way.
I then kissed his lips with the burning desire I was trying, but failing, to resist.
As I tried to limit the thoughts to just a kiss, they suddenly took a whole new direction. I stopped abruptly.
"What's wrong my love?" he questioned at my scared struck face.
"What if next time you aren't strong enough to stop me from pulling the trigger?" I asked softly letting the tears flow.
The end-of-lunch bell sounds and I sit in silence for a minute. Another bell sounds that means if I don't move my ass in 30 seconds I'll get another tardy from my class. I rise up and look at the abandoned table.
At least no one tried to wait for me this time, I thought, No one understands my strong dislike for all man-kind, except for Jordan.
He always knew what mood I was in, whether i needed a hug or just someone to b**** at; he was always the one willing to take it. He was the most understanding guy any girl would meet.
As for girls...well that was Lauren's job. She was the best thing that happened before I met Jordan.
After Lauren I found life had a new meaning. To use a slice of simplicity she gave me something to wake up to in the morning. As corny as that may sound it is the honest truth, and if you think that was corny just wait till you hear some of the stuff we say to each other.
As the thoughts of me and Lauren came flowing into my conscious thought I was then swept away into the second daydream of the hour...
"Oh my goodness... I seriously need to get something in my system to hype me up, and fast." I said as we were sitting across from each other in her bedroom.
"Well we could go up to the candy store...for the third time today!" the last part was mumbled. Yet I heard every word as if spoken through a microphone.
She doesn't even realize it either. I never did tell her about my magnified senses, then again I didn't tell her allot of things.
"Okay well just go ask your mom first then we'll go."
"Okay one second I'll go ask..." She left the room with her clumsiness getting the better of her. She stumbled into the doorway and then tried to regain balance.
I sat there snickering to myself after I noticed I tripped her subconsciously. She looked back at me and glared, then ran into the living room to talk to her mom.
If I could name the one thing I loved about her, it would be her amazing ability to make the most depressed person take a second and snicker at her random hilarity. Lauren was one of those people who you could not help but laugh at when she was being herself and she's the coolest person I know.
“Alrighty…WE’RE OFF!!!” she ran back into her room grabbed my arm tightly and sped out of the house with the animation of a highly popular cartoon character.
“EEP!!!” It was the only reaction my brain could reply with.
At the candy store I bought my usual, a vanilla cone. Lauren got her usual, blue raspberry slush. As we were walking back to her house through the park I asked her if she wanted to just sit at the park to eat our frozen treats.
We sat at the park laughing and joking around for a good hour or so. Then we saw him.
He had midnight silk hair, sea green eyes, and the face of an angel. My fellow classmate was pure beauty in human form.
“Ang…hello…Angelica…dude snap out of it,” Lauren was standing in front of me trying to get me back down to earth.
“What…oh sorry…I must have lost my train of thought again…” I couldn’t remember if I said that aloud or not, but apparently she’d heard me.
“That’s typical you, I saw you ogling Jordan with your eyes.”
What she meant by this I had no clue. Yes, I was watching Jordan but I wasn’t “ogling”, whatever the hell that meant.
I return to the reality I try to escape from day to day. None to my surprise I seemed to destroy the fifth notebook this week from the shed tears that form so effortlessly with the rising memories of Lauren and me.
Walking these halls each day ignoring the constant HEY ANG’s as easy as breathing the air around me. I would usually look in the direction my name was spoken. Today I was lost in thought. Not even aware of Derek as he called out his nickname for me.
"Angel...I know you can hear me."
I could hear him, yes, but barely. Though now I was aware of him even more than I could hear him. He had his arms around me holding me and holding me close as he stood behind. His warm torso was one that could heat even the coldest depth of and Eskimo's heart. I didn’t even flinch at his heated grasp. The next thing I realize, his lips are at my neck tracing my veins with his even warmer breath.
Before I could think I moaned right into his ear, exciting him beyond measure. A sudden pain shot through my spine, I then noticed he shoved me against the lockers and kissed me aggressively. We then started making out.
As Lauren used to always say 'It takes two people to make out' and she's right.
I stopped and pushed Derek gently back.
"I have class Derek" I said in monotone.
I started walking away when he suddenly grabbed my arm and would not let go.
"Don't go Angel, please. You haven't been the same ever since Lauren disappeared."
I started running down the hallways sobbing all the way until I reached the bathroom, that's when I screamed.
"How dare he talk about her in front of me? Who does he think he is? If I see him again I’m going to smash his face into the lockers."
The war raged on and on in my mind thrashing and flaming so wildly I couldn't hold it in much longer. If I didn't calm down this time another life might be added to the list.
I try not to let my temper get the best of me, though by my previous actions I kind of doubt I have any control in the end. My intentions and my actions are complete opposites, even when I’m thinking completely straight, the actions are always bad and my intentions have nothing to do with them. As a result I've hurt two people. The worst part about that is they are the only ones who kept my emotions in check. Without them in my life I feel that I'm going to make some very bad choices which I have no sane control over.
Part of me has the strong urge to blow it all off and take down anybody who thinks I’m a freak. The other part doesn't see that being very productive so that thought was mentally crossed off. I don't really have a good grasp on why I have arguments with myself, though I’m trying my very best.
I knew I had to calm down if I was to avoid another trip to my counselor; she was trying her best as well. Not in the least bit succeeding. To her I was just another problem case she shouldn't crack. No shock there, she sucked balls when it came to helping those around her, literately.
I gathered my things and stormed out of the stall I liked to think of as my safe haven, though the safety of it only lasted a few minutes after the tardy bell because of the new role of the "hallway cleaners".
It was just another pathetic excuse for the volunteers, giving them something to do besides eavesdropping in on the latest gossip. I wish they just got rid of them. Honestly who wants to see somebody else's mother in the school hallways on any other occasion besides after school events? I exclude father from this sentence, because we all have to face the fact about 70% of high school fathers don't give a crap about "keeping the hallways safe from skippers".
I walked at a slightly quickened step hoping I could make it to geometry in time. Ah...geometry, the only class I felt safe with my education anymore.
I took my seat in the front of the class, immediately regretting it because I was then swept into daydream number three...I sighed, this should be good.
The new kid sat down in my geometry class 15 minutes after the tardy bell. He was kind of tall and skinny. He was most definitely attractive in my eyes. My teacher announced his name as Jordan Dakota. Suddenly my head was filled with words twirling around the sound of his name; it had a sort of ring to it.
I snapped back to reality and moved my gaze to his direction. I could see by the expression on his face that the acknowledgement made him uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat to avoid the eyes of the curious. After a few secret boys snacking seconds, he glanced my way. My eyes quickly averted as the blood rushed straight to my cheeks.
My cheeks felt like someone set them aflame. I tried to hide in my hoodie in hopes that nobody, especially him, discovered my current condition. I had that feeling of a weight being put onto my back; I guessed it was because he was staring at me. Of course I had no way of reassuring this assumption correct in fear of discovery, so I tried and failed to shake of the uncomfortable distraction. I failed at the attempt of getting his image out of my mind.
I ran out of the classroom as my eyes began to swell with remembrance of the rest of Jordan’s first day. Later that class hour he told me about how much he hated moving, and yet how it was also inevitable. He talked about how he had to move every other year in order to escape he fathers evil clutches. Well maybe not evil clutches so much as he just really didn’t like how his father treated him, and had to move every time his father found out where he was. After that topic died out he decided he wanted to unravel my mind.
As I walked out of school and started on my way home I remembered how he threw questions at me like darts, each one getting closer and closer to the center of my mind with practiced words and punctuation. I felt like I was in a police interrogation room suspected of murder. The questions weren't that hard to answer, but the intensity of his eyes held mine with a great force that I couldn't easily divert.
Not long after his first day, he and I became close. We weren't as close as me and Lauren was, but I was still one of the only people he talked to on a regular basis about other things besides school work. Though that was a topic he discuss all day.
I soon learned about the things he didn’t tell anybody. Mostly they were just habits he seemed to carry out through the day, an eye twitch whenever a male adult spoke to him, the way he bit his lip while doing proportions. They were little things I cherished; I saw them as the kind of things that made me smile throughout the day and well into the night when I thought about him in all his glory.
There was one thing though, that even though I found it slightly odd, I would never tell another soul. Not even Lauren. It was the way whenever my gaze left his, and he suspected I wasn’t secretly boy snacking, he would involuntarily wipe at the corners of his mouth. I was always curious to why he did this, and I now realize that I will never know the answer.
After entering my house the tears in my eyes pooled over as I came to the realization of my actions. Since the emotions raging in my mind snapped that fateful day, I would never again see Jordan nor would I see Lauren, resulting in my world being an endless depressing gloom. No more running around the park as happy as two bisexual chicks could be. No more secret kisses beneath the stairwell, while the hallway patrol were on break.
The only solution would be the one thing everybody believed I was too much of a coward to accomplish. If they only knew what I had done. As I hung my head in shame, flashes of that night came into view.
“Ang…What are you doing, love?” Jordan’s panic was oozing out of every pore. The scent of his fear hung heavy in the air and seems to thicken it.
“I’m not going to say I’m sorry, for I have no reason to be. Angelica is not the one doing It.” my voice sounded sinister even to me, but it wasn’t me. I had no clue how to stop the monster inside my head forcing my to aim the 9 mm at the man who stole my heart. I tried to will myself to put down this deathly device, but nothing was going to alter the chain of events that were running through my mind.
I felt like crying, not only felt it, but craved it. I knew that only a few shed tears would bring all of this to a close and I could regain my sanity.
“Please…” his whispered attempt did nothing to shake the darkness clouding my mind.
“I love you, Jordan” even before I could get all of the words out of my mouth the darkness consumed the light holding my sanity at a safe level of reason.
Two shots entered his abdomen, three shots punctured his stomach, and a single bullet went straight threw the heart he claimed so many times belonged to only one person, me. I feared the image of him lying there on the floor would forever be stained into my retinas.
The tears turned into sobs, and the sobs turned into gasps for air much needed. Finally I came to my senses just as I heard somebody at the door; I knew it couldn’t be my sister or my mother, because they would have had their key with them. I seemed to be the only one dumb enough to lose my key. I went to the door and opened it only to discover Derek.
“I saw you walking outside during 5th hour and decided it would be wise to follow.” He was like a lost puppy that didn’t get the hint of it not being wanted.
I brought my palm to my face and sighed deep enough to make my stomach twinge. I guess there was only one way to make him leave on his own, and that would be to confide in him with what I had done.
“Come on in”
He entered and went straight to my fridge, wow.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad in the hall today” he managed through a mouthful of cupcake.
“Don’t worry about it, I think it’s finally time I told somebody what happened a few months ago.”
“What do you mean? Lauren disappeared…or um…huh?”
This was going to be more complicated than I imagined. I told him that he should probably take a seat before I got into the ordeal. As he went to go over to the couch I was seated on I stopped him, and told him maybe it would be best for the both of us if we weren’t in close proximity.
Confusion was written all over his face so I decided the sooner the better and I drifted of into the last daydream I hoped I would have, all the while explaining what I remember of the situation.
I was standing in awe as the sight of Jordan’s lifeless body in my garage. Footsteps were approaching, but I was like a stone, rooted to the spot by a gravitational pull making my limbs feel as if they were ten times the weight they were originally. Even as I heard Lauren’s scream pierce the silence that the garage at fallen into I did not stir.
“Ang!” her voice was shaking and it sounded three octaves higher than normality gave her.
As I slowly came back down to my sense I turned to face her, ready for whatever she would do. She blinked once, then twice, seeming like she was trying to get a clear view of what was before her. Her eyes began to fill with salty liquid; she slowly walked over to me and gave me a hug. She clearly misunderstood what had happened, I realized this when her next words were whispered
“When did you find him? You must be petrified.”
She seemed to believe somebody else was the cause of his death. Wow was this really going to be this easy to hide? Was killing so out of the question for me, that no one would suspect me? I went to go wipe my eyes to make sure I was seeing this correctly, when I found I had been crying as well.
The darkness that clouded my mind before was sliding back into place. My face went slack along with the rest of my limbs. Lauren stepped back to get a better look at what had caused my sudden rejection for her condolence. Her eyes widened in fear as she discovered my eyes had changed from their warm bluish-green, to an eerie ocean blue.
“What happened?” she muttered those two words so quiet I barely hear it.
I raised the 9 mm once again. The voice of reason all but a whisper in the wind. One shot went through and through, hitting her left lung. She started to gasp on the floor trying to gather enough air for a few more breaths. The darkness in my head forced a laugh out of me, pitying her as she flopped around like a fish out of water. Walking away from the scene was like walking on a cloud. Finally the darkness was satisfied and I could go on with living peacefully.
About a block away from the garage the darkness slipped away for what I believed was the last time. Immediately I was filled with joy at her dismissal, then the guilt and depression took hold and all hell broke loose on my emotions.
Derek stared at me with disbelief etched into his face. His brows were so close together I feared if a draft blew by his face would stay that way.
“Why didn’t you tell anybody” he pulled me close to him in an embrace I couldn’t break.
“I tried, but nobody would listen to me” that was a lie, I didn’t try and I most certainly would never think of telling anybody. He didn’t need to know that, everything would run smoother if he believes what was supposed to be the truth.
He didn’t ask too many questions, and what he did ask was easy enough to answer. After a few hours he left to go home. As I closed the door I breathed a sigh of relief that he took it as lightly as he did. It was better if at least somebody knew, that way they could fin the bodies and give them a proper burial.
I went into my room, locked the door and turned off the lights. After so many days with the same routine I knew which drawer held the razor, and what time my parents came home so I had no hope for survival. I slipped the blade under the skin on my wrist to reveal the thin line of crimson that I begged would be my getaway from everything…
I knew it was too good to last. My first thought was extremely disturbing. Was I even supposed to have thoughts? I was dead, wasn’t I? I could hear voices close by. They were angry. I was so confused. Was this what death felt like? Why was there an irritating beeping noise to my left?
Hesitantly I opened my eyes. I was in a hospital. Tubes were hanging out every which way from my arms and face. I tugged at them, and then gave up when the response to the tugging was painful.
What the hell was I doing here?
My mother decided then to make her presence known to me and sat on the right side of the hospital bed. She went to go reach for my hand and I pulled back. She was the last person I wanted to see at the moment.
Where was Jordan? And Lauren?
Realization dawned on me at that moment. They were never going to be there. I killed them. Sadness overwhelmed me and I couldn’t breath. The irritating noise increased in tempo, my heart was racing as if I just got done running a marathon. Mother went to go find a nurse with more drugs to calm me. I didn’t need any more drugs that was what got me in this mess in the beginning.

November of 2020

My mind was running at full speed. My heart was pumping like no other and my body was shaking as if I was in the winter chill. Oceans seemed to be filling my veins, I was freezing and I was certain my blood would surely stop traveling throughout my body soon enough.
Yet again the monster had won, and I was sure I was going to die.
My body was giving up. It couldn’t handle the abuse it was shown, no matter how appealing the monster made this path look. I never thought I would die this way. Only a few years ago I could have laughed at the thought of me doing drugs. Right now I would laugh if you told me to stop. I gave myself to the monster, and there was not a single thing you could say to bring me away from his side.
That was how I viewed the world, as if it revolved around my little vial of drugs. Even now I couldn’t find it in me to put down the needle and turn the other cheek. Even when I knew I was going to die. Tonight was my farewell and my only regret was saying goodbye to the drugs.
I suppose that’s what you’d expect from a junkie.
I didn’t care about the people who would be sad about me death. My only concern was not being able to shoot up again.
In a matter of minutes, everything went black.
The one thing that scared me most was when at last I thought it was over, was also when I was brought back.
Finally I felt as if it was over, I thought that everything was in its place. I no longer at the monster tied to my back; at last I was free of his grasp. If I had a body I would have done a victory dance, but as it was now I was only a spirit. A ghost of the girl I once was. And it was pure ecstasy.
If anything my mother had taught stayed fresh in my mind all the years of my life it was that nothing good will ever last.
I could feel something tugging me back. Like a hand that held only my ankle to keep me from climbing the latter of bliss. I didn’t have any ankles though. I became grim at the recollection of what was happening.
They were trying to revive me, and it was working.
My eyes opened to a florescent room. It hurt to keep my lids up. I guess it was only to be expected, considering I was supposed to be dead right now. How long had it been, hours? Days? Weeks?
My mother was in the room with me I could hear her talking to the doctor by the hospital room door. That was the only reason I knew where I was, I ever wanted to be around my mother, so the only reason I would be in her immediate reach had to be serious.

July of 2021

The monster was controlling my life. I had no reason to be doing the things I was. My only motivation was more of that sweet substance. Lately it wasn’t getting me as high as I though it should. I was growing too used to its powdery bliss. I was so close to being immune to its effects, that I thought I was born with it in my veins.
I wasn’t regretful though, despite all of the s*** I was going through. Everyone in my old life got what they deserved, a big slap in the face for every taking pity on me.
Nowadays nobody would ever ask how I got my scars. Here on the streets it was rare to find someone who cared about you. It was even rarer to find somebody who wanted you for something other than sex or drugs. In some sick and twisted way I was lucky, I could supply both.
Sometimes you get a customer who’s crazy enough to kill you if you didn’t provide what he wanted, exactly how he wanted it.
That’s just how life on the streets went. No questions. No problems.
It’s been far too many years for me to dwell on what happened when I was back in high school. I gave up that life the day I became Angel Lick. I was the best there was on the streets for my “talents”. Still, nobody cared.
I didn’t need anybody to, I got my money, and I got my fix. At this point that was all that mattered. I gave up on trying to kill myself after I figured out each time I tried someone was intent on bringing me back.
I couldn’t get away from the monster. No matter what I did.
I was having a rough night again, barely anyone wanted drugs and the most I could get out of guys at the corner was a tango with Jill. So when I was the Mustang pull to the curb I wasn’t as eager as I should have been to jump his bones. Well, until I saw the roll of cash and the glint of the monster reflected in his eyes.
Sex and drugs = Perfect night.
As we arrived at the place he wanted to stay fro the night I was already wired from the 3 lines we did on the drive here, it felt good to see the monster again, and tonight was going to be great. I didn’t care about the guy’s name, but I do like giving my clients nicknames, he was Angst.
When we got to the bedroom Angst started to undress us both, in a matter of minutes buttons were broken and seams were tore. I didn’t really care.
He started to trace the line of my jaw with his warm breath gently biting at soft spots that seems to be embedded into male DNA. His name was right on the dot, he sure was angsty. He started to move to the side and then pulled me so I was on top. He kissed me with a great force that I was breathless, while I tried to regain control of the oxygen going through my lungs his hands went to my sides and his lips were at my neck.
The only noises were that of panting breaths and a piercing snap of latex.
After a night of the horizontal tango, I went to go find something to eat as he lay in bed taking a nap, shortly after I followed suit.
Morning arrived and I was exhausted, usually I only spend a few hours with clients, but last night was far from usual, it was amazing.
The nicotine was slowly fading, making it so I could think clearly and get out of here. I notice another swirling puff of smoke raising from the tray we flick the dead result of our addiction. I wonder where the owner of the cancer endusing stick could have gone.
I rise only to discover that I not only have been tempting myself with that dreadful lung disease, but that I have also been putting my liver at risk.
I don’t remember everything that happened last night but it began to make itself known. I wobble, stumble over my feet. And then topple back on the bed I spent the previous night on. I tried again to gain my balance and conquered this attempt with the little grace I had.
I made my way into the hallway out side of the bedroom. As I was walking I soon discovered I was slightly woozy. I stumbled over to the bathroom and expelled my latest meal. I went to go banish the foul smelling substance only to realize in it there were specks of my own blood. I was in a deep shock. I've never before thrown up my own blood and I didn't know why I was now. I stood up and walked out of the bathroom, down the hallway and into the kitchen to find something to eat.
As I approached the tiny room I noticed in one of the four chairs sat the guy I remember as the one who offered me the stack of hundreds for the night, Angst. He sat there over the table rolling yet another joint. He looked up at me with half closed lids clearly still tired from the sleepless nighttime adventures we shared. Once he was done rolling it he lit up and passed it. I took it with shaking hands and took a hit, when I tried to pass it back he declined the offer and said that it was all mine. I shrugged it off and walked back to the bedroom.
Before I got even to the bathroom I felt the effects of the weed. It didn't make any sense; usually it took awhile before I felt the dreamlike trance it caused. Then I knew why he declined the hit.
He laced my joint.
With what I'm not sure but I know for a fact that I wasn't going to survive these next moments much longer. I reached for my phone in my jean pocket and came up empty. S*** he took my phone. I walked over to the kitchen again only to find him with a plastic bag and some rope.
As I tried to run away the weed got the better of me and caused me to trip over my own feet. Next he gathered me in his arms and grinned I knew then that I was soon to be rid of this world and into the dark abyss that is death. I tried not to make a sound but at the moment I had no control over my conscious thought. I tried to free myself of his arms but he proved to be much stronger than me. Either that or this weed was laced with something worse than I could possibly imagine. In my final moments of life I would have never imagined that the circumstances would be as such.
I was bound and a bag covered my face. I could feel my already damaged lungs crying out for oxygen. They seemed to contract making my chest tighten begging for even a fraction of air to keep me living. Unfortunately I could only wish an instant death to spare me this agony much longer. Finally after a few minutes of my wasted attempts to live I could see the black abyss covering my eyes, taking me life away and surrendering me to the place where no pain existed. As I lay there, the warmth escaping my body, I could faintly hear the chuckle of my killer as he watched me leave this world after only 27 years of living on it.
What he didn’t know was that secretly I was rejoicing. At last there was no one to bring me back to life. I was free of the monster. Free of the people who pitied her for her third degree burns. Forever.





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