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A Remarkable Story
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a princess. She was not stunningly beautiful or remarkably ugly, but plain. She was not stunningly kind either, or even remarkably cruel, but plain. This princess was as plain as oatmeal without brown sugar, milk without chocolate, paper without words. Her hair was brown, not silky straight or wildly curly. Her eyes were brown, not deep and sparkly or small and squinty. Her skin was pale, but not like snow. Her lips were pink, but not like a flower. This princess was, truthfully, entirely unremarkable.
She was raised in a castle as unremarkable as she was. The land her father ruled was unremarkable as well. Her mother, an unremarkable woman, enjoyed tea in unremarkable, earthy flavors. Her father, an unremarkable man, enjoyed his mistresses in unremarkable, clean sheets.
Her suitor? Well, he was so unremarkable that I have nothing to say for him.
This princess was living an unremarkable life, save for one small, remarkable light.
That light was her child.
Yes, this unremarkable princess had had an unremarkable night in an unremarkable barn with her unremarkable suitor. But now, this plain, unremarkable princess was in the midst of a quite remarkable scandal.
Her mother, in her typical, sensible fashion, suggested locking her away, but not like her remarkable cousin, Rapunzel. No, she suggested locking the princess in her unremarkable wing of the castle, to have her child and pass it off to an unremarkable servant, who would raise it in an unremarkable way.
Her father, in his typical, indifferent fashion, had no ideas to offer.
The princess was, for once in her unremarkable life, faced with a choice.
She looked back on her entirely unremarkable life, realizing how unremarkable it really was. And so she chose to make a quite remarkable decision.
She stuffed her largest bag with unremarkable clothing. She was, for once, grateful for the unremarkability of her clothes, all the better to blend in. She grabbed a few unremarkable silver pieces to barter her way with, and left her unremarkable castle.
The princess ran to a land, father, farther away. She found her cousin, Rapunzel, and her cousin’s prince, and slept on their couch. She went out and made friends, drank non-alcoholic beverages, danced, laughed, discovered beauty products, and started her new, remarkable life. She found a quite remarkable prince who lived in a quite remarkable castle, and, remarkably, was happy to help care for her child.
From then on, the princess lived a remarkable life, save for one event that passed unremarkably: the birth of her daughter. No complications, no problems, just a remarkably beautiful baby girl. The princess vowed to never let her daughter slip into that wretched, unremarkable life. She married her new prince, moved into her new castle, and had quite a good time.
Remarkably, our unremarkable princess lived happily ever after.