Drowning

June 21, 2011
By , PHOENIX, AZ
Its funny. Sometimes people just have this power over us, a power so immense that they end up sucking us into this black hole, and leave us spinning, until they spit us out with our entire being stripped away. Words are inadequate when it comes to describing my feelings towards you. Sometimes, they are so intense, that they leave me breathless; grasping for more yet never fully reaching what I’m searching for. I fear that I have been too honest with you about how I feel, and that’s why you have slowly slipped away. But maybe thats just what I tell myself so I dont have to face the looming truth that maybe, just maybe, I mean nothing to you.

You don’t understand. When I said that I loved you, I didn’t mean it in a passionate romantic way. I know whats its like to be in love, and this isn’t it. I’ll admit I have questioned my sexuality in regards to you, but I am sure now that my love for you doesn’t even touch that. No. Its a different type of love. A love that keeps me grounded, that keeps me safe. When I say you’re my best friend, I say it whole-heartedly, because truly, you have been that anchor that has kept me at bay when many times I have felt myself beginning to float into murky waters. You inspire me, and every time I think of you, I think of how much I wish I could be more like you. Your strength astounds me, and at the same time forces me to face my own weakness. If only you knew what I would do for you, what I would give you, if only given the chance. But even now, with everything we have been through, you are still like a closed book to me, refusing to bare even the slightest bit of emotion. I am confused and admittedly I feel as if our relationship consists of this hazy fog that prevents me from seeing anything but myself. I want to be close to you, so badly that sometimes I am in physical pain at the knowledge that I may never have that chance. If only you would show me that you care, that you want to invest in this relationship as much as I do. I truly am sorry if the intensity of my emotions has scared you, or has led you to infer those things that are not true, but it was only because I had a desire to give you a piece of me, my soul, in hopes that we could create a bond between us that would surpass that of a normal friendship. You mean so much to me, and I cannot imagine my life without you. I need you to be there when everything else is uncertain, I need you to hold my hand through this tidal pool of a life that tries to pull me away. You promised you would never give up on me; so why do I feel like you have?





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