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You told me to talk to you, but I didn’t want to talk. Then you told me to write what happened, but I didn’t want to do that either. Finally after weeks of sitting in the counselor’s office, your office, staring at each other or the sign outside welcoming me to San Diego High, gave me a journal to write in, in case I got the urge. I didn’t realize then that the “urge” would be you ordering me to start writing. You thought it would be a good idea, maybe therapeutic, to express myself. Well now I’m expressing the thought that maybe you should stop sneaking an extra doughnut or cookie.
Fine, fine, I’ll start actually writing. You can stop glaring now. Oh look the bell rang! Time to go, ha!
I took a trip to the Gaslamp last Wednesday when I was supposed to be in science. I was going to stay the whole day, but some stuff came up when we talked about dissecting pigs, and whether or not it was cruel. That’s all you’re getting today.
I see you took my advice. Good for you. I went to the tree house during 6th period yesterday, but you already knew I left didn’t you? Ms. Jeffery made sure to tell you, right? Well she said she would. While I was there, I heard a train. It made me shiver, and not from the spring wind. Another thing: you should open the window in here, its really stuffy. Maybe you should also move some of the papers around, and get an air freshener. Oh, you should get some softer chairs!
Who cares if there isn’t enough money in the school budget for new chairs? Well, at least you cleaned up a little. Was it for me? Thanks. Now there’s only papers on your desk, the file cabinet, next to your desk, on the table under the window, and on the floor! It’s okay though, my room used to be really messy like this. But now, I don’t use much of what I have, so my room is pretty clean.
Remember that time when you first called me into your office?
You said, “Elizabeth, we’re only trying to help. Why are you making it so difficult?”
Me: (in my head) Maybe I just need some time.
You: (not in my head) “You used to be a straight “A” student, now you’re skipping, and failing most of your classes.”
You: (sigh) “Well I would like you to come here every Tuesday so we can try to resolve these issues”
Me: (in my head) Can I leave now?
That day, it was cold and rainy. The trains were our favorite part. I really wish the rain would go away. Even though it matches my mood, this whole winter needs to end. This year there was a record amount of rain. San Diego is usually pretty sunny and warm, but it rained a lot this fall. Maybe it was an omen.
It seems that you are not the only one who read this. The sun came out! You know Jenny loved the sun, as well as downtown; almost as much. We used to watch the people as we ate lunch and listen to the trains ring. Five trains went by before she slipped.
I would just like to say that it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t push her into the tracks or anything. In fact, I yelled at her to get out. Jenny doesn’t do anything that she doesn’t want to do. I told her it was dangerous many times before; she never listened. Bells forever haunt me.
There are many things I dislike, but rainy days, wet pavement, and wet metal are the things I hate. Same with converse shoes. I have many pairs of converse shoes, but now they’re locked away in my closet. You should consider getting new shoes.
I know telling you what I dislike seems really insignificant, but you told me to write. I wrote. This actually has some importance though. Converse shoes slip easily. They slip on wet pavement and metal, making you fall. Rainy days cause wet pavement and metal. Jenny always wore converse.
Jenny and I were kind of loaners, we only really hung out with each other. Neither of us did any sports or extracurricular activities. Maybe that’s why we were the only ones at the Gaslamp that day. that day was strange. The morning we left there were ominous clouds in the sky. Maybe that was an omen. If there was a book about our lives, there might have been some foreshadowing like what the teachers always talk about.
Wow, theres only a couple of weeks left of school! I brought my gpa up to a 1.7! I wonder what my grade would have been like if Jenny was still here. You would probably say they would be higher. Oh well. In maybe a little more than a week I’ll never have to write in this again! But maybe I’ll keep writing. Maybe not, we’ll see. I do like coming here instead of going to class. I get less homework that way. The only bad thing is that I have to come sit in your stuffy office, which, by the way, has gotten more and more stuffy as the year progressed. Especially since the sun started showing his cheerful face.
Guess what?! It’s my half birthday tomorrow! I’ll be 151/2! I’ll have been in this unforgiving and ruthless world for half a year more than a decade and a half. That means its been almost a year since the accident. And I say accident because it was an accident. That should have already been obvious though, you know, if you actually read all me entries. Oh, and if you assign me more homework just for saying that I don’t get any here, I will stop coming. Probably. Not that I would do the homework
All my classes are packing up. Next year you should try to keep Ms. Tenial as at least one of my teachers. I know, Elizabeth actually like something that has to do with school? Yeah, I do. She just seems like she actually cares about all her students and their wellbeing, unlike Ms. Ellen. I don’t know if you have any control over assigning out teachers, but you should still try. I would appreciate that very much.
Did you know that there is an app for the iphone that will tell you random facts? Yeah pretty cool huh? Did you also know I like kangaroos? I do. And purple.
You would call me in on the last day of school. That’s okay though, I guess. Its better than dealing with all the other freshmen. None of them like me anyway. They all blame me. No one really noticed that I stopped talking. Well maybe some teachers, and of course my mom, but I was pretty quiet before. I was always scared of talking to people I didn’t know. On the first day of kindergarten, I cried the whole day and sat in a corner because I didn’t want to talk to any of the other kids or teachers. I met Jenny in 2nd grade. She brought me out of my shell somewhat. We had a really small class that year; there were only ten 2nd graders, and eight 3rd graders. I don’t know why our class was so small, it just was. But anyway, Jenny and I instantly connected, and we became best friends. I became more and more social with other people. Then last summer happened.
Yes, I did decide to keep writing. Amazing isn’t it? I have so much time that I don’t know what else to do. I was reading some of the past entries and your comments, and yeah, my mom was the only on in my family to notice that I didn’t talk as much. I don’t have to best relationship with my dad, and I’m not close to my brother at all. I wonder what you’ll think when you read this next year. You’ll probably tell me to try to repair my relationships with my family, and open up to them about what happened. But that’s okay I’d rather not. Maybe when pigs fly. I guess that already happened, you know with the swine flu and all. When chickens have teeth then.
4th of July is tomorrow! Jenny and I would always go to the Gaslamp today. We would pick out funny stuff to wear for the barbeque our family usually has together. I actually went there today and walked around. I didn’t buy anything though. When I got to Toscana, I had to leave, there were too many memories.
The broke the every Tuesday journal entry routine. I got busy, kinda. And I went back to the Gaslamp today! I was even able to go to the train tracks and get some closure. I guess I don’t need this journal anymore. If you still want to hear the whole story, ask my mom, I told her today after I got home. Then I went to Jenny’s house.