Song of the Wind

June 2, 2011
By AnimaCordis GOLD, London, Other
AnimaCordis GOLD, London, Other
13 articles 0 photos 132 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Evil is when the good do nothing"


Fingers of cold wind pull jet-black hair from a tightly wound bun. The wind dries the tears on a scared face. The wind tears at a silky black scarf. She stands alone, her tears drying in the wind. The wind screams at her, whirling dust and leaves at her, she stands strong. Tears in her eyes and a grave at her feet, she is immovable. Alone in a wide graveyard, clad in black lace. Again and again her blue eyes read the carved name, hoping every time that tears will hide the truth. Another gust of wind hits her full on, her black cloths are thin, but she cannot feel the cold. Suddenly she sinks to her knees, tracing the name over and over with long fingers. She closes her eyes and rests her head against the grave. Her head is spinning, and her heart is broken. The wind screams at her, but she is immovable. She has become as stony as the grave she leans on.

A little boy sits inside the hollow of a tree. His eyes are closed, his head resting against wood. His skinny legs are crossed, and his hands are full of acorns. He looks asleep, but he isn’t. He listens. All around him the old trees whisper. Their leaves move in the strong wind, giving the silent beings voices. To the boy, this is the most beautiful sound in the world. He is part of the tree. Not moving an inch, just listening. The hollow of the tree circles him like a mother’s arms, he is hidden and protected.

Winter wind pulls at a loose coat. The young man does not look down. Instead he looks to the grey sky, empty of sun and of clouds, it is just one colour. The wind bites at his face, he does not flitch. In the middle of the city, it is rare to hear the screeching wind. He stands so high that he can now. For a moment he listens, hoping for some message in it’s screaming. There is none. It is a just a screeching. Tired of this noise, he jumps. The wind whistles now, but the ground is still far. The wind tears at his coat, pulling it out around him, giving him wings. He is flying, he is falling. A smile spreads across his sad face, finally it’s over.

A sudden gust of wind rustles the dry grass. It turns the golden stems into ripples, making a sea on dry land. Old eyes watch this dry sea. Eyes that have seen the world, and now have no one to share it with. The eyes slowly blink, for the eyelids are heavy. The old man looks across this autumn field. He is not the man he used to be, his feet are heavy, and time is slow. He remembers so many things, but the wind was always there. For the wind never leaves, the wind never dies; the wind is his one and only friend.

The wind tears a cheery blossom from its mother tree. The wind carries it a distance. Then lays the delicate flower to rest. The blossom is unscathed by the wind. Away from its sisters, the blossom seems out of place, but even in this new, desolate place, it’s beauty shines. Its soft petals face the sky, light pink it seem to watch the clouds go by. Then a soldier’s boot falls upon it. Mutilated it still lies there. Still looking at the sky, it’s beauty destroyed, it still watches the clouds go by.

The author's comments:
Inspired by individual's stories and a storm.
I kept it only a page long, the characters are kept open for the reader's imagination.
HIdden messages,kinda!

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This article has 7 comments.


on Dec. 2 2011 at 3:47 pm
Prometheus PLATINUM, East Aurora, New York
29 articles 0 photos 109 comments
A bit too vague for my liking.  But the quality of the writing is excellent.  Every paragraph reads like a separate poem.  Which brings me to another point.  The paragraphs are not very cohesive.  But still, the writing is fantastic.

on Nov. 23 2011 at 3:56 pm
Danealle SILVER, Wheeling, Illinois
7 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
Anything is possible with a smile and goal in mind.

I love the expanded detail in this! You painted a perfectly clear picture in my mind! Wonderful job :)

 


on Nov. 22 2011 at 3:34 pm
MidnightWriter SILVER, Ontario, Other
6 articles 0 photos 225 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writers are a less dangerous version of the career criminal. Everywhere they go, they see the potential for the perfect crime. The difference is that writers have better self control.

I love the concept. It's exectued quite well. CarrieAnn13 is right about the repetition, however.

on Nov. 16 2011 at 12:56 am
AnimaCordis GOLD, London, Other
13 articles 0 photos 132 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Evil is when the good do nothing"

Thank you. Repitition of the the word 'wind' was on pourpose, as was the use of 'immovabe' i wanted the writing to seem like the chracter, repeating the name on the grave over and over. You've found my fatal flaw, the 'cloths' vs 'clothes' differnece. As for the 'flinch' vs 'filch' that one made me laugh, spell check and i are mortal enimies.

on Nov. 15 2011 at 6:22 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Excellent work!  I just have some criticism.

1.  “The wind dries the tears on a scared face. The wind tears at a silky black scarf. She stands alone, her tears drying in the wind. The wind screams at her, whirling dust and leaves at her, she stands strong.”  Did you see how many times you used ‘wind’ in those sentences?  Read it aloud and you’ll see it gets kind of repetitive.

2.  “Another gust of wind hits her full on, her black cloths are thin, but she cannot feel the cold.”  ‘Cloths’ should be ‘clothes.’

3.  “The wind screams at her, but she is immovable.”  That was the second time you used the same adjective in your paragraph.  Could you try varying your descriptions a bit?

4.  “The wind bites at his face, he does not flitch.”  Did you mean ‘flinch’ instead of ‘flitch’?

5.  “For a moment he listens, hoping for some message in it’s screaming.”  Since ‘it’ is the wind, there should be no apostrophe.

6.  “The wind carries it a distance. Then lays the delicate flower to rest.”  The second sentence is incomplete, so could you try changing it around a bit and adding the two together?

Other than that, this is a wonderful description.  A little bit of dialogue would be nice, just for a little variety, if nothing else.


on Nov. 15 2011 at 1:30 am
AnimaCordis GOLD, London, Other
13 articles 0 photos 132 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Evil is when the good do nothing"

Thank you for your comment! As it happens, each story was a story i wrote when i was younger but then didn't use as a long story. So each is seperate. I have lots of trouble with writing diolog!

on Nov. 14 2011 at 4:42 pm
Jappyalldayeveryday, Detroit, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in the blink of an eye

I liked the first description of the woman and the description of the boy the best, but U would have loved for there to be more to the story. Perhaps some dialogue and a relationship between the boy and the woman. But anyways, it was good and the writing was very poetic.


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